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Love in the Time of Algorithms

Love in the Time of Algorithms

17 Hot Tips That Prove Online Dating Is a Nightmare

Settle.

Everyone knows the only thing more awkward than searching for love IRL is trying to find it online. Even the experts say you should be yourself. But if that really worked, you wouldn’t be scouring Tinder for someone to make out with, would you?

Luckily, WIRED has assembled a series of infographics explaining how to “optimize your online dating profile.” That’s tech for “get laid.”

The folks at OkCupid and Match.com helped them create the tips. And now, the folks at Betabeat are telling you the most important points. These are actual real facts gleaned from hundreds of the most popular online dating profiles. Just to reiterate, we did not make these up.  Read More

Love in the Time of Algorithms

Friend Banging App ‘Down’ Adds Anonymous Texts For You to Creep Even Harder

It's truly this easy! (Screengrab via App Store)

The app formerly known as Bang With Friends, Down, is introducing a private messaging feature for users who think they can woo potential partners via anonymous text.

Down matches people with other people who are, in the parlance of our times, DTF. Simply open the app and check off which Facebook friends you’d like to bang. Then, wait for someone, anyone, please, to reciprocate. If they do, the two of you are free to, shall we say, liaise. And if you pick someone who’s not into you, they’ll never know you wanted them.

The new anonymous messaging app extends Down to contacts who haven’t downloaded the app yet. Read More

Love in the Time of Algorithms

Tinder Is The Night: High-Speed Digital Dating Gets You More Ass Than the L Train

tinder is the night adam and eve tinder

Nick’s grandparents didn’t know each other yet, but in college, they rode the same bus to class for months. Gramps admired his future wife from afar—well, a row or three away—until the last day of the semester, when he finally gathered the gumption to ask her out. The rest was history.

“That’s a great story,” Nick (not his actual name), a 30-year-old advertising creative, says to me over lunch. “‘I swiped right on her picture’ is not the most romantic story in the world.”

We’re talking about Tinder, the controversial and addictive online dating app that might just send sites like Match and OkCupid to the start-up graveyard. Read More

Love in the Time of Algorithms

Survey: Most Women Want a Simple Proposal So Let’s Chill on the Viral Stunt Videos

"srsly can you not?" ‐ Olivia Munn (Photo: VanityFair.com)

The viral marriage proposal video, complete with singing, dancing and dumb stunts, is something we hope to leave with 2013. And science may be on our side.

A survey from the U.K. (like America but classy and bad at spelling) says that 51 percent of women just want their boyfriends to say, “Will you marry me?” like normal people. We knew it.  Read More

Love in the Time of Algorithms

Science: Men Who Use Smiley Faces Online Get Hit On Less

do not want. (flickr.com/katerha)

Everyone knows it’s creepy when guys use the :) smiley face flirtatiously.

We’re not exactly sure why. It’s probably the “I’m not threatening or scary, I promise” vibe. Either way, a text or email with a :) from someone you haven’t been out with yet is sure to send you running.

It turns out we aren’t in the minority. Actual, real life science (O.K., a “study” from Zoosk.com) shows that men who use :) in their profile have a 6 percent decrease in incoming messages and 12 percent fewer responses to outgoing messages. Read More

Love in the Time of Algorithms

Online Dating Coaches Help Hapless Singles Meet Their Mates

Consultant Laurie Davis, client Chanel Omari, and fellow dating coach John Keegan. (Photo: instagram.com/eflirtexpert)

Michelle’s path through the world of online dating has been littered with frauds, phonies and disappointments. Take the cop who claimed he was on disability leave. On their first date, he let slip that his “leave” was actually a suspension, the result of charges that he had beaten an ex-girlfriend.

Then there was the runway model who claimed to divide his time between New York, Miami and Houston—“It’s always a red flag when there are multiple cities,” Michelle said with an eye roll—but couldn’t produce a single nonprofessional photo of himself. He had plenty of close-ups of his abs, though! That imposter turned out to have lifted his images from a Bloomingdale’s catalog.

And don’t even get her started on the innumerable married men who tried to court her online.  Read More

Love in the Time of Algorithms

Creepily Tap Your Lover’s Wrist From Afar With Phantom Vibrating Bracelet

WAKE UP! (Screengrab: TapTap's Kickstarter)

Long distance romance can be tough. So tough, in fact, that email, texting, sexting, Snapchat, Skype and phone calls apparently aren’t enough. That, we guess, is where the TapTap wristband comes in.

TapTap wristbands are sold in pairs. When one person touches their wristband, the other person’s will vibrate in a kind of 21st century Morse code. The bracelets create the illusion of an IRL couple experience, assuming the thing you miss most about your sweetie is the feeling of their hand vigorously shaking your wrist. Read More

Love in the Time of Algorithms

You Can Rent a Boyfriend Online in China So We Are Moving to China

Ah yes, I'll have a Ryan Gosling please, actually better make it two (Photo: Getty)

Long term relationships, huah! What are they good for? Absolutely nothing! That’s why it’s pretty cool that in China, you can simply pay a guy to pretend he likes you for three days. For just $132 a day, you can squire him around town and even display him to your friends and family.

After purchasing him online, the Daily Dot reports, you’ll even receive bargain basement hugs, hand holding, and a couple of perfunctory kisses on the cheek or forehead. But don’t get any funny ideas, because the men’s bodies are strictly not for sale. Read More