Marissa Mayer, worrying about all the companies she's trying to acquire. (Photo: Johannes Eisele, Getty/AFP)

Apparently owning cutesy GIF factory Tumblr is just not enough to slake the thirst of Yahoo! CEO Marissa Mayer. AllThingsD reports that the aging Valley giant made a bid to acquire Hulu this morning, just days after spending $1.1 billion (ca$h money) to buy Tumblr.

The news isn't entirely unexpected; AllThingsD reported a few weeks ago that Yahoo! was already "in the process" of bidding for Hulu, though it hadn't made a formal bid yet. Yahoo! had already tried to scoop up the French video site DailyMotion, but was prevented by French minister Arnaud Montebourg, who stated that he didn't want an American company to own a majority stake in the French-grown video site.

Under CEO Marissa Mayer, Yahoo! has made a slew of acquisitions, from Summ.ly, the news shortening application run by a 17 year-old, to PlayerScale, the gaming company that Yahoo! picked up just yesterday. It's unclear how exactly these acquisitions fit together: Does Ms. Mayer expect Tumblr's cadre of millennial users to start reading news on Summ.ly, playing games on Playerscale and watching videos on Hulu?

Of course, Tumblr's userbase probably won't like Hulu all that much--there's not enough porn.

Hipstblr (Photo: wikipedia.org)

Call David Karp anything you want--high school dropout, sidecar sideshow--but the one label he won’t stand for is "hipster." Unknowingly emulating the first rule of hipstersdom by automatically lashing back at the title, the 26-year-old Ludlow suit-wearing, Vespa-riding, Williamsburg-dwelling, brunch-loving chillwave Tumblr CEO was annoyed when ABC News anchor George Stephanopoulos dared to call him that yesterday.

"I don't know about that," bristled Mr. Karp after being dubbed as the "original hipster CEO," adding that he’s unsure if he “really appreciates that one.” (Doesn't sound like he does.)

The New York Post adds:

Square Stephanopoulos asked, “That doesn’t work for you?” Karp, a Bronx HS of Science dropout, rolled his eyes, shrugged and replied, “I prefer not.”

He would be the mopiest brunch date ever.

(Via http://castielmalotovedlucifer.tumblr.com/, God knows the original source)

Order us up a dish of crow, because we might get a few more angels out of this Tumblr deal than we initially suspected. Crain's has analysis of the deal from PrivCo, and if these numbers are right, the company's investors, at least, made out none too shabby.

According to PrivCo's analysis, Union Square Ventures will get $253 million--"mostly from a $400,000 seed investment it made in Tumblr in 2007." PrivCo believes USV invested less than $5 million and ballparks the firm's return at 5,000 percent. Early birds, worms, etc. Spark Capital will get $154 million, and partner Bijan Sabet takes home $77 million. Sequoia gets $176 million.

PrivCo says employees fared well, too: The report says the first 10 average around $6.2 million, the first 30 $3.3 million, and everyone else gets something like $371,000.

But before you start petitioning your Tumblr pals for personal loans--it's worth treating these numbers with substantial skepticism.

A Tumblr spokesperson told us they weren't going to comment or confirm anything besides what was in the initial release, and USV and Sequoia are keeping quiet. But a Spark Capital spokesperson "disputed the accuracy of the report" to Crain's. Also, PrivCo recently bungled a story about LivingSocial, and there were lots of questions about that Foursquare report, too.

As for employees, there are any number of factors that could render those numbers inaccurate, from vesting schedules to earn outs to handcuffs. The presentation also suggests employees get comparable amounts of stock options, which seems unlikely. Update, 8:07 p.m.: Investor Bijan Sabet, whom PrivCo has making $77 million, is also on a Twitter tear trashing the report. "That article and the corresponding privco report is complete garbage and incorrect," he just tweeted. Come on, Bijan, throw us a couple more numbers.

Fred Wilson, meanwhile, has chimed in on Hacker News:

Total garbage. There is not one fact in this privco thing that is close to right. The numbers are good but nowhere close to that good. This is the same firm that predicted Foursquare would be out of business this year which will also prove to be nonsense.

Anyway, keep a close eye on the city's artisanal coffee suppliers and twee Brooklyn furniture makers. If everything at the Flea gets bought up halfway through the day on Saturday, we'll have our answer.

Update: PrivCo says they've talked with a Tumblr VC and they've updated their numbers accordingly. The new numbers look more like what Dan Primack already reported:

https://twitter.com/PrivCo/status/337247627890548736

https://twitter.com/PrivCo/status/337248012453675008

https://twitter.com/PrivCo/status/337249341913853952

https://twitter.com/PrivCo/status/337249763688861697

Would've loved to be a fly on the wall for that little chat, all things considered.

Couldn't miss it.

Chief Yahoo Marissa Mayer looked pretty damn chipper as she took the stage in a small room overlooking Times Square, late yesterday afternoon.

Technically, the press had gathered for the announcement of a revamped Flickr. (It's biggr! It's spectaculr!) An entire lounge had been papered over with giant images pulled from the service, and in the square below a mob of T-shirt-wearing fans/paid actors were jumping up and down and hollering and waving Flickr signs in celebration.

But with David Karp slouched in the front row, it was clear this was about more than the addition of full-bleed photos to a decade-old service. 

Coach Mike Bloomberg turned up, of course. How could he miss the party for a billion-dollar consumer-web exit? He entered to "Empire State of Mind" and broke out the pom-poms: "This really is very exciting news, not just for Tumblr and Yahoo but also for New York City, because it helps show what a player New York City has become in the tech industry."

He also welcomed the announcement of Yahoo's new New York presence, harkening back to the bad old days: "Twenty years ago if you looked out the window, there were plenty of yahoos in Times Square. But now the Yahoos here will make an honest living." Only a few months left to nail down that legacy.

Skeptical tech journalists took the opportunity to ask how, exactly, Ms. Mayer plans to ensure that Tumblr doesn't turn into another one of Yahoo's many, many bungled acquisitions. "I think that the big piece here is all companies come down to people. David and I have a very clear understanding," she said, adding, "We have an all-new executive management team so everyone has the benefit of history." Time will tell!

After she'd brought the presser to a close--more "Empire State of Mind" playing--a smiling Ms. Mayer approached the hoodie-clad Mr. Karp, who slouched, hands in pockets, next to a caftan-wearing blonde. "Is this your mom?" Ms. Mayer asked.

The answer must've been yes, because the older woman promptly pulled the CEO of Yahoo into an immense hug.

Good Morning Mayer. (Photo: Mediaite)

You could wrap yourself in a grey hoodie, but there's no way to avoid the David Karp-Marissa Mayer PR charm offensive. Taking a breaking from reading US Weekly to moms, ABC News' Good Morning America had the pair on earlier today to discuss their "match made in digital heaven." Anchor George Stephanopoulos breathlessly proclaimed the $1.1 billion deal "could change" the way we use the Internet and labeled Mr. Karp as a "hipster high school dropout" before introducing them for an in-studio interview.

Mr. Stephanopoulos began the segment with a topical question for the Yahoo! CEO about the "power of social media" (like Tumblr!) and how people share the fury of natural disasters on such sites. To which, Mrs. Mayer acknowledged that people in the tornado's path are "uploading photos and sharing their experiences on what it's like to be there," as Mr. Karp looked on.

Now that that obligatory question was out of the way, Mr. Stephanopoulos asked Mrs. Mayer how the Tumblr purchase wasn't going to be a colossal failure, like every other website it has purchased. She responded with what might a solid nominee for the buzz phrase of 2013 award: Tumblr's “community of creators” are at the heart of the deal, she said, adding that the company will remain hands-off.

About two minutes in, we finally heard from Mr. Karp regarding the $.1. billion question: How the hell is it going to make money?

"The state of advertising on the Web has always been uninspiring to us," said hipster Mr. Karp, adding that there's a lot of "good" advertising that exists "out there in the world," like those fancy ads in Vogue. "Yahoo is the original digital media company and is the perfect partner to help us do that."

This is truly a match made in digital heaven. Sadly, we didn't see Mr. Karp and Mrs. Mayer cook up some of Gail Simmons' outrageous pretzel bars.

Mr. Karp (via livestream.com)

Marco's confident Tumblr made the right call: "This is clearly what David believes is best for his product. On such big decisions, he hasn’t been wrong yet. This time, though, I don’t have any doubts." [Marco.org]

Dave Winer, on the other hand: "When you sell your company, no matter what promises were made, you sold it. It's theirs now. They will do what they want to with it. Promises don't matter." [Scripting News]

Sounds like former Tumblr president John Maloney is just irked he's being left out of the story. [Twitter]

Fab is reportedly raising a round somewhere in the ballpark of $250 million to $300 million, pushing the company's valuation north of a billion dollars. [Wall Street Journal]

The Senate, meanwhile, says Apple dodged, oh, about $44 billion in taxes. [Politico]

(Photo: Tumblr)

Yahoo! is taking over New York, whether you like it or not. After the long-awaited announcement that the old school web giant had purchased Alley darling Tumblr for a cool $1.1 billion, the company held a press event in Times Square to make another big declaration: Yahoo! will be consolidating its local offices into a giant hub in the old New York Times building. It's no Googleplex, but it'll do.

This announcement, of course, wouldn't be complete without a little cheerleading for the NYC tech scene:

Yahoo!’s growth in New York City is a reflection of how the city has become a global magnet for tech talent and entrepreneurism. We were so pleased to have Mayor Bloomberg join Marissa earlier today in our launch event in Times Square to help announce our new Yahoo! NYC offices. Since taking office, Mayor Bloomberg has worked to grow the local tech industry, positioning New York City as an ideal location for talented entrepreneurs to start and grow their companies.

Yahoo!'s post about the new office also mentioned that the company is looking to expand its NYC presence by as much as 60 percent, focusing especially on engineering. Be still, Mayor Bloomberg's cold, cold heart.

For now, Ms. Mayer said Tumblr will stay put in its swanky Flatiron HQ; Earlier today, Tumblr CEO David Karp promised that at the very least the staff would stay in New York, not forced to contend with the blinding sunshine of the Valley.

At the press event in Times Square, Yahoo! also announced that Flickr is getting a redesign to present a more photo-heavy feed, much akin to Instagram's profiles. (Marissa Mayer called it "heart-stoppingly beautiful.") The photo sharing site now offers a terabyte of free storage, which is a shit-ton of photos.

Meanwhile, if any Yahooers ever want to grab lunch with Betabeat, we're right around the corner, conveniently close to the Shake Shack.

Additional reporting by Kelly Faircloth

Probably not the key to a new castle on the moon. (via)

In Pride and Prejudice, before achieving her happy ending with Mr. Darcy, Lizzie Bennett receives a marriage proposal from Mr. Collins, a toadying little man who offers a lifetime of a) stability and b) teeth-grinding annoyance. She turns him down, and her friend Charlotte promptly snaps him up. A 27-year-old woman of limited means in 18th century England, she's realistic about her options and grabs her best bet with both hands.

Let's not kid ourselves that Yahoo! is anything other than a Mr. Collins.

In many ways, Tumblr has made an advantageous and, yes, lucrative match. It's probably the biggest, splashiest exit since DoubleClick's $3.1 billion sale to Google. On Tumblr's end, investors exit nicely, David Karp has enough dough to buy any motorcycle sidecar that catches his eye, and everyone involved avoids a white-knuckled ride toward the end of the company's runway.

For Yahoo--naked breasts notwithstanding--it's a great way to purchase a whole bunch of young eyeballs and mobile users. Besides, if you've ever stumbled onto a Yahoo Answers thread, it's pretty clear their content can only improve.

But this isn't exactly a cake-and-confetti ending, either. Tumblr was reportedly running out of money, and it turns out the money wasn't coming in as fast as everyone thought, either. A source told Valleywag Tumblr's revenue for 2012, largely reported as $13 million, was actually less than $5 million, and Tumblr's Q1 revenues weren't where they needed to be to hit that $100 million end of year target. The company had just lost a string of execs.

According to TechCrunch, many at Tumblr felt $1.1 billion was just a first offer. Instagram, a less mature company, sold for a billion (though much of it was in stock, which reduced the ultimate price tag). AllThingsD says there weren't even competing deals--there's no Jack Dorsey pouting over how this played out.

Thinking along these lines, it seems Tumblr was less a success--wouldn't real success mean finding a way to monetize the business without hand-holding from a Valley behemoth?--and more that the New York City startup was simply lucky to have Yahoo as a willing rescuer. And while Mr. Karp has made a tidy sum, he won't be buying Larry Ellison's share of Lanai any time soon. A few more angels will get their wings, but it's hard to see a whole heavenly host coming out of this deal.

Meanwhile, Yahoo says the social network will remain independently operated, but it's highly likely that Mr. Karp's pretty art project--which he'd said he didn't want to flip for a big payout--will soon have more of the ads he's long resisted. (Anyone hearing early Tumblr investor Jakob Lodwick's dictum that "an acquisition is always a failure" echoing through their brain?) And while Marissa Mayer's made progress toward turning the Titanic, Yahoo has earned its reputation as a startup graveyard. Even if we're not looking at a Flickr or a Geocities scenario, that doesn't make Tumblr a savior for the ailing web giant. There's no guarantee it'll end up as successful an acquisition as YouTube. One analyst dares to compare the deal to AOL's purchase of the Huffington Post. Talk about a loveless marriage.

Well, there's always Etsy!

They made a GIF! You guys love GIFs, right?!

The official announcement just hit the newswires. Yahoo has acquired Tumblr for $1.1 billion, "substantially all of which is payable in cash." Because really, who wants to bet on the stability of Yahoo's stock price?

In the press release, CEO Marissa Mayer tries desperately to explain the acquisition in any way she can besides admitting Yahoo wants to drink the blood of the young: "Yahoo is the Internet's original media network. Tumblr is the Internet's fastest-growing media frenzy. Both companies are homes for brands - established and emerging."

Mr. Karp also chimed in on, as always, the staff blog:

"The work ahead of us remains the same – and we still have a long way to go! – but with more resources to draw from."

He added, "Plus both our logos end with punctuation!"  He also signed the post, "Fuck yeah."

The new stepmom is also already trying to placate wailing, hysterical Tumblr users. From a note just posted to Yahoo's official Tumblr:

We promise not to screw it up.  Tumblr is incredibly special and has a great thing going.  We will operate Tumblr independently.  David Karp will remain CEO.  The product roadmap, their team, their wit and irreverence will all remain the same as will their mission to empower creators to make their best work and get it in front of the audience they deserve.  Yahoo! will help Tumblr get even better, faster.

Let's go live to the Tumblr dashboard to get the reaction:

There's always Medium, maybe?

She's laughing at you, fandom. LAUGHING AT YOU.

"The inevitable next step is for Kim Kardashian to sit on the board of a tech start-up, host a global-poverty-awareness event and write a book on behavioral neuroscience." [New York Times]

The tax man's hanging round Apple's door, and now Tim Cook is due to appear before Congress on the matter. [Telegraph]

For her science fair project, this teenaged girl invented a supercapacitor that could maybe, with further development, charge your electronics lightening fast. Everyone's now feeling pretty bad about their baking soda volcano, huh? [Jezebel]

Matt Mullenweg says that talk of Yahoo buying Tumblr sent Wordpress imports from Tumblr skyrocketing, from 400-600 posts per hour to 72,000 on Sunday. Of course, that could've just been one really dedicated porn reblogger. [AllThingsD]

Tumblr users are having a collective meltdown to rival The China Syndrome (only onetime Yahoo users are old enough to get that joke). [Buzzfeed]