Lumia lovers. (Photo: YouTube)

Do you like weddings? Are you a fan of low-brow and uncivilized behavior? Do you also have an insatiable thirst for watching mobile operating systems battle it out for consumer hierarchy? Then you're going to LOVE the new commercial for the Windows Phone. It combines all three of those things in an attempt to halt struggling sales.

In what feels like the 18th different ad campaign that Microsoft has launched to make you remember its phone still exists, the company released another new ad Monday that targets Apple and Samsung devotees. The one-minute spot begins at a wedding that obviously spirals out of control after a snarky (and probable Twitter parody account creator) iPhone owner asks a Samsung Galaxy user to move his "enormous" phone.

A massive fight breaks out between the #TeamiPhone and #TeamGalaxyribes as they brawl, punch and act insane, all in an effort to cater to America’s love of barbaric behavior. Amusing insults include "iSheep," ageism barbs and a person calling the Galaxy a "copybox" owner because who isn't a fan of international copyright infringement lawsuits.

Finally, we see wedding hall staff giggle into their hot dog condiment-colored devices, wondering if they should tell the guests that there is an alternative.

Poor Nokia Lumia. Always the help, never the bridesmaid.

http://youtu.be/Z19vR1GldRI

A tipster sent us the below screenshot:

(Photo: Twitter)

Because nothing says "business smartphone" like a neon yellow-lined Microsoft brick.

You know your reputation is damaged if Nokia feels justified in mocking you.

(h/t Pitchfork Reviews Reviews)

The Nokia Lumia 900.

The first flagship Windows Phone, the Nokia Lumia 900, comes out on April 8th; and because the companies behind it are so eager to get people to try a Windows phone after decades of besmirching that brand, they're discounting it massively. This enormous, beautiful, and somewhat revolutionary phone costs $449-$499 without a plan, but you can get it at AT&T for $99. Walmart has it for free if you don't already have AT&T service and $49 if you do.

What this means for you, unsavory person, is that you can take advantage of the "generosity" of these companies and make possibly a couple hundred dollars.

If you buy the phone at Walmart for free with a two-year contract and the cheapest plan options ($39.99 for talk/text and $20 for mandatory data), you've dropped $59.99 (plus tax, shipping's free). Add the $315 it'll cost you to cancel the plan, and you've spent $374.99 on a phone that retails for, at very least, $449. On eBay, the phone's going for between $488 and $729, and that price will certainly come down in the weeks after the phone's release. But, if you pre-order online now, Walmart and AT&T will ship the device to you on April 5th—so you can get it before anyone else, which means that huge eBay premium will still be intact as the phone won't be officially released for another three days. Act fast!

David Shapiro is Betabeat's gadgets correspondent and the 23-year-old pseudonymous blogger behind Pitchfork Reviews Reviews.