One Percent Problems

Hawaiians Prepare for Inevitable Larry Ellison Movie ‘I Bought an Island’

George as Captain Larry, god willing. (Photo: IMDB)

Oracle CEO andĀ New York Times-approved eligible bachelor Larry Ellison bought 98 percent of the Hawaiian island Lanai a couple months ago, making him the proud owner of two Four Seasons resorts, a solar farm, a pair of championship golf courses, the firstborn of every female citizen and 10 grass-skirt-bearing virgins.

Thus theĀ Times sent one intrepid reporter down to Hawaii to ask the residents of Lanai how they feel about their new bearded overlord. And their passionate, tension-filled responses sound not unlike the rough draft of next summer’s feel-good land baron dramedy. Read More