the robots are coming

Man Seriously Suspects Political Opponent Has Been Executed, Replaced by Robot Body Double

Mr. Murray. (timothyraymurray.com)

There’s a polite way and a not-so-polite way to lose a government election. The polite way is to congratulate your opponent and bow out gracefully. The not-so-polite way is to accuse your opponent of being a robot.

The latter is happening in Oklahoma right now, where Timothy Ray Murray, a wannabe member of the U.S. House of Representatives, is contesting recent election results on the grounds that his opponent, incumbent Frank Lucas, was secretly executed in Ukraine and replaced by a robot body double. Mr. Murray, who lost the election with a measly 5.2 percent of votes, seems to think his revelations could give him another shot at the title. Read More

ILY Japan

This Fake Finger Looks Like a Sex Toy But Is Actually a Phone Stylus

Uh, cool? (Ratoken)

When it comes to bizarre smartphone accessories that make you question the future of humankind, Japan is on top of its game. Now, a Japanese company called Ratoken has released what might be the strangest product we’ve seen yet — and yes, we did report on those edible iPhone cases.

Ratoken is now selling the “Phablet finger,” the Daily Mail reports. Worn like a finger puppet, the fake finger extends the user’s thumb by 15mm, allegedly making it easier to operate smartphones with larger screens — like the soon-to-be-released iPhone 6 or the enormous Samsung Galaxy Mega. Read More

the robots are coming

V.C. Firm Names Robot To Board of Directors

Make way for one computer! (Wikimedia Commons)

In case you needed more proof that all our jobs will one day be occupied by robots, a Hong Kong V.C. firm has just named an artificial intelligence tool to its board of directors. The company’s also insisting the tool will be treated as an “equal” to the other board members.

Sure, it’s all probably a bid for press — but it’s still pretty funny.

A press release from Aging Analytics UK, a company that conducts research on biotechnology and regenerative medicine, made two announcements this morning: first, that they’ve launched an new A.I. tool called VITAL (Validating Investment Tool for Advancing Life Sciences); and second, that they’ve licensed VITAL to Hong Kong V.C. firm Deep Knowledge Ventures, where the tool will become an “equal member of its Board of Directors.” Read More

Planet Reddit

This Woman Got Paid To Snuggle Sad Old Divorced Men

KonekoPeach, former professional snuggler. (Imgur)

Reddit AMAs are incredible educational tools. They’ve taught us what it’s like to have two dicks; proved to us that Canadian stereotypes are all true; even illuminated Lil’ John’s fascinating opinions of snowboarding. And now, we finally know what it’s like to be a professional snuggler.

Yes, you’re reading that right: redditor KonekoPeach was not a professional smuggler, but a professional snuggler — as in, a person paid to crawl into bed with and wrap their arms around a lonely stranger for hours at a time, as she explained in an AMA yesterday.

She worked for a company called The Snuggle Buddies, which claims to be strictly non-sexual and charges anywhere from $60 for an hour-long snuggle sesh to $400 for a ten-hour overnight extravaganza. KonekoPeach seems to have generally enjoyed the experience, though she quit when she began to sense the whole thing was just maaaaybe a little sketchy and unsafe. Read More

Meanwhile in Canada

Canadian Family Ends Ban On Technology Made After 1986

The family enjoying some tech-free family time (Screengrab: YouTube)

Remember that kooky Canadian family that banned all technology made after 1986? They’ve finally reached their goal of making it all the way to April 2014 — a noble pursuit, as we can’t go an hour without playing Doodle Jump.

Father Blair McMillan, 27, first imposed the ban when he invited his son, Trey, to come play outside, but Trey elected to play with his iPad instead. Read More