(Photo: Mobypicture.com, John Perry Barlow)

It's a done deal, folks: This weekend Sean Parker tied the knot with Alexandra Lenas. Attendees included Sting, Cory Booker and the ubiquitous Allison Williams. And this morning, "insiders" are trying to convince the country's gossip rags that this wedding was, like, totally tasteful.

You know, for an event that practically jumps up and down and screams, "RENAISSANCE FAIRE."

Allow me to explain.

Electronic Freedom Frontier founder and Grateful Dead songwriter John Perry Barlow led the charge, tweeting yesterday: "Forget what you heard about Sean Parker's wedding." He called it "elegant, tasteful, and magical." We're going to interpret that as more Charles de Lint nod than George R.R. Martin homage, but it still gives off a distinct nerd vibe.

His fellow guests (speaking anonymously) echoed this enchantment to the Daily News. One guest said, “It was almost out of a fairy tale,” and another described it as “romantic, magical.” Also, "they made the forest come alive."

Amazing how easy it is to make magic when you've got $9 million to hurl at lighting, sets, an entire Latin American nation's worth of flowers and custom costumes designed by someone who worked on Lord of the Rings. 

What really tells the tale, though: DigitalSpy reports that Loreena McKennitt performed at the wedding. If you ever went through your own Ren Faire phase, you might remember her warbling recording of Tennyson's poen "The Lady of Shalott," because it is basically the unofficial anthem of the kind of attendees who wear costumes (as opposed to the kind who go to watch jousts and eat turkey legs).

Now, anyone who listens to Ms. McKennitt has--mark my words--had this kind of poster on her wall at some point in her life. And that, in turns, leads us to conclude that this wedding was designed to evoke the sword-and-sorceresses works of the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood. Look at that blissed-out embrace, plus those long sleeves and slightly medieval veil. Classic knight-and-his-lady posturing.

So congrats to the happy couple and let's hope it works out better for them that it did for Arthur and Guinevere.

Okay guys, very tasteful, now quit fishing for compliments.

Sure, Sean Parker is throwing a whimsical wedding destined to be the envy of Charles de Lint-loving teen girls nationwide, but make no mistake: The rest of the tech world does not go in for that sort of thing. So says the New York Times, insisting that Silicon Valley prefers backyards (witness Zuck, Chris Hughes and Larry Ellison's fourth marriage) and private islands  "with enough security to thwart interlopers by air or sea" (both Google cofounders).

Can't have any photos leaking via those social-media sites the Valley keeps churning out!

"Ostentatious displays tend to draw more scorn than awe," the Times argues, and observers agree that the trend isn't merely the result of techies waiting too late to book their venue, ensuring all the good ones were taken.

TechCrunch's Alexia Tsotsis told the Times that, “Outliers like Parker serve as a warning for the rest of the group. Everyone here just wants to give off the aura that they’re working hard.” Alice Marwick, a Fordham assistant professor who recently married Harry Heymann, Foursquare’s head of engineering, in a low-key ceremony, suggested that “There’s a sense that you’re doing something good for the world, and that doesn’t go hand in hand with flashy weddings or buying a Prada backpack.”

Right.

But for all techies flatter themselves with the notion they're down-t0-Earth, this attitude has the distinct whiff of a Greenwich debutante turning up her nose at one of those elaborate New Jersey wedding gowns, with the transparent corset and the crystals. It's a very "not our kind, dear" kind of snobbery, like the proudly shabby WASPs of yore, and it doesn't do much to refute the notion that Silicon Valley is calcifying into its own elite enclave. Determined non-flashiness is its own form of conspicuous consumption.

Besides, at least Sean Parker's stupidly expensive wedding is going to deliver a real experience for out-of-town guests who bothered schlepping to Big Sur. If you're going to drag your family and friends into the woods, risking bug bites, the least you can do is provide $9 million worth of decor and a custom-made costume.

This is a picture of a romantic Skype cake we found on the Internet. (Photo: bridalwave.tv

The Internet's already disrupted meeting and mating; why not shake up the institution of the wedding itself? The New York Times ventured out to Jackson Heights to watch an American citizen marry a man in Bangladesh via Skype. It's apparently an increasingly common practice among some immigrant communities, as Islam in particular gives it the a-okay and it greatly simplifies the process of uniting forever with someone from the Old Country.

Hey, that's one way to avoid a pricey New York City wedding (which average a heart-stopping $65,824 as of 2012), and who wants the bother of a destination wedding anyway?

The Times says:

“After all these advancements in technology and all kinds of telecommunication tools, scholars came to the conclusion that it is acceptable,” said the imam Shamsi Ali, of the Jamaica Muslim Center in Queens.

“Skype is making it easier,” he added. “These days you have Google Hangout, too.”

Expect this to appear in one of those treacly Google Hangout ads in 3, 2...

This does present a bit of a headache for immigration officials, who already spend plenty of time separating would-be Gérard Depardieus and Andie MacDowells. The  Times talked to one matchmaker who won't do them anymore, after seeing too many people jilted by green-card seekers. There are also fears the practice could facilitate sex trafficking.

Also, only a few states here in the U.S. allow the practice (the marriages where one partner's abroad technically take place in the other country), so don't start booking any World of Warcraft caterers just yet.

(Photo: The Escapist)

Love comes in all shapes, sizes and pixels. With emotionally intelligent robots on the way and virtual reality characters capable of catering to your every whim and desire, it's not difficult to see how the more introverted among us might find themselves in love with a 2D heroin. In Japan, there's an entire culture surrounding the dudes-in-love-with-inanimate-objects meme: remember that New York Times pillow story?

Still, when you finally resign yourself to marrying a meatbag, you should probably surrender your virtual girlfriend before any jealousy can fester. After all, what human could ever hope to live up to the perfection of an anime character?

It's inadvisable, however, to invite your virtual girlfriend to your wedding, which is exactly what an Otaku groom in Japan did. In love with a dating sim from the site Love Plus, the man--who works at Comiket, natch--even reserved a place setting for his virtual girlfriend; he placed the handheld Nintendo DS displaying his digital lover onto the table among the china and fancy silverware so that she could enjoy the nuptials with the rest of the real life guests.

According to The Escapist, the man's wife--who initially seemed okay with the weird virtual threesome--soon decided that in order to live happily ever after, she had to destroy the virtual girlfriend. Thus, she took a hammer and smashed the shit out of the Nintendo DS, taking the life of the poor Love Plus sim. The groom, perhaps resigned to his fate of living the rest of his life with an actual human being, joined in, reportedly with "tears in his eyes."

Ah, Japan. You continue to be the best.