XXX in Tech

Finally, a Way to Make Straight Gamer Guys ‘Genuinely Horny’

(Photo: Road to VR)

It’s almost impossible to get a straight dude who plays video games horny these days. Walk by him in a short skirt that’s practically begging to be creepshotted and he’ll politely avert his gaze. Use your girl voice to talk to him on Xbox Live and he’ll compliment you on your impressive gameplay skills and immediately want to engage you in a conversation about the latest issue of Bust magazine. Luckily, developers of Wicked Paradise, an adult virtual reality game for the Oculus Rift headset, are working to solve this important problem. Read More

Play Your Video Games

New Xbox Gives Dickheads a Chance to Mansplain the Lack of Women in Video Games All Over Again

Anita Sarkeesian. (Screencap: YouTube)

It’s not hard to find vitriol on the Internet. But if you’re fiending for a reason to hang your head in shame re: humanity, tweeting about the lack of female representation in video games seems to be the perfect way to coax bilious haters out of the woodwork.

Feminist media critic Anita Sarkeesian made a simple observation yesterday and blasted it out on Twitter. “Thanks, #XboxOne #E3 press conference for revealing to us exactly zero games featuring a female protagonist for the next generation,” she said. Within minutes, a diarrheal flow of fury was unleashed upon her as a puerile crop of gargoyles attempted to put her in her place. Read More

Play Your Video Games

Teen on House Arrest Grows ‘Sick of Playing Xbox,’ Asks for Jail Time Instead

(Photo: suite101.com)

After 10 months on house arrest, a 19-year-old New Zealander has requested to serve the rest of his 11-month sentence in prison, as he’s grown “sick of playing Xbox.”

The New Zealand Herald reports that the unnamed man called up the local police station, told them he had “run out of Xbox games to play,” and would rather spend the final month of his sentence in a dark cell with other smelly dudes than shoot another stupid animated zombie. Read More

Play Your Video Games

Teenager Ruins Perfectly Good Sleepover By Destroying Friend’s Roleplaying Account

LOL, "RuneScape."

Talk about the worst sleepover ever: A Welsh teenager appeared in court Monday for logging on to his now-former friend’s profile for an online roleplaying game and trading away six years’ worth of credits. He wanted to get back at his friend for an earlier argument in the world’s most mature manner.

Further entrenching his status as a complete dick, suspect Keiron Belmont, 19, also stole two bottles of booze before fleeing. He was staying at victim Helen Jenkin’s house, who told the court that Mr. Belmont had unlawfully accessed her partner’s computer, entered the RuneScape account and depleted a half-decade’s worth of hard gaming. Read More

Play Your Video Games

All of Life Is a Zelda Game to Dennis Crowley

(Photo: Flickr)

If there was one salient lesson gleaned from the two-hour, day-glo sex romp that was Harmony Korine’s Spring Breakers, it was this: just pretend that life’s a video game. As it turns out, Foursquare CEO Dennis Crowley maintains the same mantra. At the Twofixsix conference in Brooklyn, presented by gaming magazine Kill Screen, Mr. Crowley told the crowd that his success in tech largely hinges on his love of video games. Read More

Play Your Video Games

North Korea Uses Call of Duty Footage in Creepy Propaganda Video [Updated]

(Photo: LiveLeak)

What do you do when you lack the technology to create your own simulation of New York City under missile attack? You use footage from video games, of course!

Kotaku reports that a new space race propaganda video put online by North Korea’s propaganda arm Uriminzokkiri depicts a city that looks an awful lot like New York being struck by missiles. Buildings begin to burn as an American flag waves overtop the footage. The video is couched as a dream sequence, showing the dreaming man aboard the rocket the country successfully tested in December. Read More

Play Your Video Games

Groundbreaking Educational Video Game Teaches Little Girls How to Be Upper East Side Socialites

(Screencap: Dress Up Games)

It’s so hard to instill the right values in your children these days. If you don’t teach them to be power-hungry, wealth-obsessed superficials, who will? With that in mind, a new video game from IDEA Studios may be the perfect holiday gift for your little one. It’s called Upper East Side Makeover, and it will turn your 10-year-old daughter into a Gossip Girl yet.

Where other video games might teach your child basic math or hand-eye coordination, Upper East Side Makeover offers the chance for your child to learn the crucial skills of proper exfoliation, backstabbing and vicious social climbing. Read More