Play Your Video Games

Study Foiled When Researchers Can’t Find Men Who Play Computer Games for Less Than 2 Hours a Day

(Photo: Starcraftforums.org)

When attempting to complete a study on how playing the computer game “StarCraft” impacts mental faculties, researchers at Queen Mary University of London and University College London ran into a minor snag: For their sample pool, they’d need inexperienced gamers to participate, but they couldn’t find any men who fit that criteria. Guess your boyfriend isn’t so abnormal after all. Read More

Play Your Video Games

San Francisco Startups Are Now Renting Video Game Machines In Another Effort to Avoid Work

So much fun. (Photo: Slippery Brick)

Hey startups, if the space next to your iced coffee kegerator is looking a bit lonely, then we suppose the best solution is to rent a vintage video game machine. That’s what the cool kids in San Francisco are doing with a new service called All You Can Arcade. It’s best described as Netflix for bulky, dust-collecting arcade machines. Read More

silicone valley

Woman’s Fake Boob Explodes Because She Can’t Stop Playing iPhone Game

(Photo: Getty)

Two of the most significant technological achievements of our time — silicone breast implants and iPhone video games — recently met in a Beijing apartment and the results were not pretty.

A young woman was lying in bed and playing a game called Dragon Summon on her iPhone for four hours straight when she felt pain in her chest, according to The Daily MailIt turned out her G-cup implant had ruptured. Read More

XXX in Tech

Finally, a Way to Make Straight Gamer Guys ‘Genuinely Horny’

(Photo: Road to VR)

It’s almost impossible to get a straight dude who plays video games horny these days. Walk by him in a short skirt that’s practically begging to be creepshotted and he’ll politely avert his gaze. Use your girl voice to talk to him on Xbox Live and he’ll compliment you on your impressive gameplay skills and immediately want to engage you in a conversation about the latest issue of Bust magazine. Luckily, developers of Wicked Paradise, an adult virtual reality game for the Oculus Rift headset, are working to solve this important problem. Read More

Play Your Video Games

New Xbox Gives Dickheads a Chance to Mansplain the Lack of Women in Video Games All Over Again

Anita Sarkeesian. (Screencap: YouTube)

It’s not hard to find vitriol on the Internet. But if you’re fiending for a reason to hang your head in shame re: humanity, tweeting about the lack of female representation in video games seems to be the perfect way to coax bilious haters out of the woodwork.

Feminist media critic Anita Sarkeesian made a simple observation yesterday and blasted it out on Twitter. “Thanks, #XboxOne #E3 press conference for revealing to us exactly zero games featuring a female protagonist for the next generation,” she said. Within minutes, a diarrheal flow of fury was unleashed upon her as a puerile crop of gargoyles attempted to put her in her place. Read More

Play Your Video Games

Teen on House Arrest Grows ‘Sick of Playing Xbox,’ Asks for Jail Time Instead

(Photo: suite101.com)

After 10 months on house arrest, a 19-year-old New Zealander has requested to serve the rest of his 11-month sentence in prison, as he’s grown “sick of playing Xbox.”

The New Zealand Herald reports that the unnamed man called up the local police station, told them he had “run out of Xbox games to play,” and would rather spend the final month of his sentence in a dark cell with other smelly dudes than shoot another stupid animated zombie. Read More

Play Your Video Games

Teenager Ruins Perfectly Good Sleepover By Destroying Friend’s Roleplaying Account

LOL, "RuneScape."

Talk about the worst sleepover ever: A Welsh teenager appeared in court Monday for logging on to his now-former friend’s profile for an online roleplaying game and trading away six years’ worth of credits. He wanted to get back at his friend for an earlier argument in the world’s most mature manner.

Further entrenching his status as a complete dick, suspect Keiron Belmont, 19, also stole two bottles of booze before fleeing. He was staying at victim Helen Jenkin’s house, who told the court that Mr. Belmont had unlawfully accessed her partner’s computer, entered the RuneScape account and depleted a half-decade’s worth of hard gaming. Read More