Ratchet. (Am I using it right?)

Get ready to retire the term "sober as a judge," because we're about to explode your notion of America's legal system as staid and dignified. The New York Times reports that courts are, increasingly, turning to Urban Dictionary, that Internet cesspool tended by dirty-minded 14-year-olds, as an authoritative source on slang.

The Times says: 

In the last year alone, the Web site was used by courts to define iron (“handgun”); catfishing (“the phenomenon of Internet predators that fabricate online identities”); dap (“the knocking of fists together as a greeting, or form of respect”); and grenade (“the solitary ugly girl always found with a group of hotties”).

Says the creator of Urban Dictionary, Aaron Peckham: "The whole point of Urban Dictionary is we are defining our own language as we speak it."

However, the senior editor of The New Partridge Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English (brb, writing a cover letter) has his doubts:

“Using them in court is a terrible idea; they don’t claim to be an authority or a reference,” he said. “Some of the stuff on their site is very good, but there is more chaff than wheat. It is a lazy person’s resource.”

Watch out, pal, they'll hold you in contempt of court for that kind of talk.

This is the tossed salad she was actually talking about. (Photo: tossedsalad.co.uk)

If you don't want to be greeted by an onslaught of messages from creepy guys asking about your butt, you might want to heed the advice of xoJane scribe Rachel Heller and not choose the online dating username "Tossed Salad."

Ms. Heller, as it turns out, didn't know that "tossed salad" could be used as a filthy euphemism (she was also a proud member of the PEN15 club in middle school), so she used it as her username on JDate. "It was conservative, it was cute, and it advertised my penchant for health-conscious eating (never a bad thing!)" she reasoned.

But Ms. Heller soon realized her mistake when the weird butt-themed messages began flowing into her inbox.

"I had told them all my butt was open for business," she laments.

This is a reminder to read up on your Urban Dictionary slang before registering your next online dating profile.

And God only knows what else. (Photo: flickr.com/merfam)

Did IBM learn nothing from the Urban Dictionary fiasco? The AP reports that the company is now sending Watson to college--specifically, Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, where the supercomputer will be studying up on both English and mathematics.

God knows what kinds of terrible habits and filthy language he'll pick up there!

RPI gets to run Watson’s software for three years at its own supercomputing facilities. Researchers' goals include finding ways to "improve Watson's mathematical ability and help it quickly figure out the meaning of new or made-up words." A university sounds like a good place for that, all right.

"We consider it absolutely strategic technology for IBM in the future. And we want to evolve it, of course, thoughtfully, but also in collaboration with the best and brightest in academia," Michael Henesey, IBM's vice president of business development, told the AP.

That's what parents always say, until the first Christmas break when it's all, "actually my professor says" this and "but Marxist historians would argue" that.

(Photo: The Morton Report)

In order to pass the Turing Test, a computer must display both emotional and intellectual behavior that's almost indistinguishable from that of humans. IBM's most famous supercomputer, Watson, is close, but first he must emulate one of humanity's finer inventions: crazy Internet slang. YOLO!

According to Fortune, researchers at IBM attempted to indoctrinate Watson into the wonderful world of LOL and OMG, but in the process they accidentally caused the supercomputer to develop a bit of a filthy mouth. As it turned out, Watson "couldn't distinguish between polite language and profanity," and curse words lifted from Urban Dictionary and Wikipedia began sneaking into his lexicon. He even began responding to some researcher queries with the retort "Bullshit!" (Though, to be fair, it has to be so annoying to work with mere human mortals when you're a supercomputer.)

In the end, the IBM researchers had to create a filter that would stop Watson from cursing, as well as wipe his memory of all Urban Dictionary information.

If only we could do the same.