Hacker/devil. (Photo: Hashgram)

Between their bratty attitudes and stealing all the free chicken samples at the mall's Wok N Roll, tweens are miniature little devils who are on a destructive path to ruin the world. Now, a new alarming survey from McAfee reveals that their terrifying and deceitful behavior is happening online too.

Nearly half of tweens polled said they would change their online behavior if they knew their parents were watching and 85 percent of kids aged 10 to 12 years old admitted to using Facebook when the minimum age to use it is ~technically 13 years old. Badasses!

Sixty precent said they're smart enough to know how to hide their online activities from their parents and 25 percent said they clear their browsing history after using the computer, because they're probably watching porn.

And it doesn't sound like teens will outgrow their terribleness any time soon: Nearly 30 percent of the 10 to 23 year olds surveyed said they've witnessed cyberbullying, with 89 percent of it happening on Facebook. Also, 46 percent admitted to using foul language in those diatribes because Ashley is indeed a fucking hoe.

We're increasingly spending hours online too, with a quarter of youth claiming they spend 5 to 6 hours per day online while they're dumb parents only believe it's 1 to 2 hours.

UM, Selena Gomez's Vevo channel isn't going to watch itself, mom.

(Photo: Deep Roots at Home)

Trading in your twin bed for a sleepover-friendly double bed in a childhood rite of passage--one that allows you to stretch out among your pile of big girl CDs, magazines and clothes.

But tweens today may not ever know this meaningful transition, because sales for twin beds are dropping. Instead, kids are demanding double size beds early on so that they can comfortably sprawl out in bed next to their computers.

The Daily Mail reports that single bed sales have fallen by 9 percent as more and more kids are opting for double beds to accomodate their laptop and tablet obsessions.

"As a child, the bedroom was a place for me to sleep, but I think for today's children, the meaning of a bedroom has changed," one researcher told the Mail. "It is where they sleep, but it is also where they interact on their laptops and iPhones and iPads."

Next up: tweens demanding their parents literally spoonfeed them so they don't have to look away from the laptop during dinner time.

(Photo: Instagram)

The Daily Mail's latest troll is a veritable master stroke. British writer Shona Sibary, a true international treasure who has previously written about smacking her kids and admitted that she'd rather play Boggle than have sex with her husband, now tackles modern day culture's most insidious trend: the duckface selfie.

Anti-duckface movements have long existed (does no one remember Mary-kate and Ashley? Or MySpace?), but Ms. Sibary claims that with the proliferation of selfies--and perhaps the fact that apps like Instagram make them more socially acceptable--teenager girls everywhere are indulging in the narcissistic ritual of pouting for the cam.

"It’s as though a whole generation of teenage girls has lost the ability to smile naturally," Ms. Sibary writes, claiming that her computer is full of PhotoBooth pictures of her teenaged daughters pouting, trying to copy their favorite celebrities. There's the pout, the head-tilt, the vacant stare: look no further than Kim Kardashian's Instagram for a plethora of examples.

But like American Eagle, jelly bracelets and an affinity for boy bands, one has to believe that tweens will also grow out of their selfie phase, or at least graduate on to other narcissistic pursuits--like writing endless articles for the Daily Mail about themselves, perhaps.

(Photo: KBOsmancorner)

Remember the good old days when all you needed to be a powerful and popular tween was a mass of shiny hair, a gaggle of wannabe friends and your dad's credit card? Times have changed. Now a tween’s sense of importance is derived primarily from the amount of Tumblr URLs he or she has amassed. Oh, what a cruel world.

The Daily Dot reports on the phenomenon of Tumblr URL hoarding, wherein power-hungry tweens collect hundreds of Tumblr URLs just for the thrill of it. Tumblr makes it super easy to add secondary domains to your main account, so the practice of amassing dumb URLs is pretty easy. They're not really worth any money, but the rush you get from cybersquatting on domains like "the-perks-of-being-a-time-lord" cannot be underestimated.

Tweens are collecting URLs primarily to demonstrate their "status and power," one psychologist told The Daily Dot. Tweens think that hoarding domains will make them more popular, so hoarding Tumblr URLs is basically the new hoarding beanie babies.

"Oh man, I've heard of people having over 400 URLs," a user named Jess told The Daily Dot. "As I hoarded URLs I never really thought about what exactly I was doing. It's kind of like a race. A race to see who can get it first. And when you type that URL in and it's not taken. It's the best thing in the world because it is all yours, forever."

Somebody tell this girl she could get the same cheap thrill from joining an after-school trivia team or something.

(Photo: India Current Affairs)

Back in the early aughts, when this reporter's parents were fast asleep, we'd take one of those 500 Free Hours of AOL CDs received in the mail every other day, unplug the phone line in our bedroom, and hook it up to our laptop so we could log on to saucy chat rooms and browse AOL Teen. Our parents, competent as they were, had no idea we spent half the night surfing a sluggish, largely harmless web.

We assumed teens these days–born with a smartphone glued to their mutant flesh–have it much easier, especially without having to muffle the sounds of dial-up. We were wrong.

CBS News reports that when the parents of a teenage girl in Sacramento told her she couldn't go on the Internet after 10 p.m., she crushed up sleeping pills and put them in milkshakes she bought them. Her parents were initially skeptical as to why the teen would buy something for them when usually all teens do is take, take, take and I never hear a thank you.

They also noted that the milkshakes tasted weird and only drank a quarter of them. But that was enough to get the teen what she wanted: her precious Internet time. Her parents conked out within the hour and she was free to Tumbl her little heart out.

“Drugging your parents so you can use the internet, never heard of that,” a neighbor told CBS. “That’s crazy.”

This isn't the first time the girl has resorted to the drugging tactic; her mother says she's in fact done it before, though perhaps not just to get online. Maybe the girl has been watching too much Twin Peaks on Netflix?

2013 is off to a great start!