(Photo: Blogspot)

Look, nobody expected Mississippi to be this shining bastion of liberalism, lovingly welcoming every transhumanist-animal-hybrid-Singulatarian to cross its borders. But unfortunately, in its quest to further criminalize and stigmatize abortion by explicitly defining personhood, Mississippi may have gone one step too far: House Bill 819, the Protection of the Human Person Act (PDF), would outlaw human-animal hybrids like animorphs, which should strike outrage in the heart of every '90s kid who loved the sci fi series.

The Clarion Ledger reports that the bill, introduced by Republican Senator William Tracy Arnold, would outlaw the following:

Embryos that contain human and nonhuman cells, nuclei or chromosomes.
Embryos that were created by fertilizing a human egg with animal sperm, or vice versa.
A nonhuman life form “engineered” with a human brain.

This is terrible news for Animorphs and also Team Jacob. But since the bill in its current form defines non-humans in such broad terms, it has also caught the attention of transhumanists, who believe that the bill could criminalize their technological attempts at immortality.

"A nonhuman life form 'engineered' with a human brain," for example, could include a robot who uses any form of human cells to augment its artificial intelligence. It also calls to question the definition of "human." A strict definition of human could bar people who augment themselves with technology from possessing basic rights. "Would providing future embryos with intelligence or strength modifications be considered 'nonhuman'?" wondered one Redditor.

We’re a long way off from this become a real issue, but bills like this can give us an interesting insight into future legal battles surrounding transhumanity and artificial intelligence. Plus, it's another excuse to never go to Mississippi.

(Photo: Batdoc)

Ah, the medical professional fantasy: pretty mundane fodder for a generation reared on porn, but still immensely popular. Bedding a nurse is the number one fantasy among men, in case you haven't been to a Halloween party in the past 25 years.

Now, some futurists are predicting that robots will have a dual function in our impending utopian society: not only will they care for us when we're sick, but they'll also satisfy our sexual fantasies in the process.

Transhumanity.net predicts that medical robots will eventually come equipped with a program that allows them to use sex as a perk to help them stand out in the crowded marketplace. Why hire a doctor robot when you can hire a doctor robot with BOOBS?

Imagine this, dudes. Your doctor who attends to your rectal health is a curvy she’bot who straps you face down with your legs spread for a prostrate exam and colonoscopy. After freshening the air with lime spray from her nipples, she divinely massages you, before gliding her slippery 18-inch techno-tongue into your anus.

The nurse would eventually bring the patient to orgasm--mostly for medical reasons, of course! First longevity orgasms and now sexy doctor robots? No wonder transhumanists are so in love with the future. Though we have to admit, this whole thing sounds like it's rooted more in personal fantasy than scientific research.

It seems we may have a long way to go before we reach sexy nurses, though. The current iteration of robot nurses looks more like a cuddly teddy bear than something you'd want to let touch your intimate parts:

(Photo: CNET)

With the holidays swiftly approaching, we decided to fashion together a little cheat sheet for anyone stumped as to what to buy their closest friend with cyborg dreams. Behold, the top 10 gifts for the futurists/transhumanists/singulatarians in your life.

This is what comes up when you Google image search "sexy robot." (Photo: Dragon Painting)

If you're already following the advice of your longevity coach and working to live as long as humanly possible (until the Singularity comes and your being is finally merged with that of a robot), then you're probably ready to take your training to the next level. Self-quantifying via sleep tracking apps and the Nike Fuel Band will only get you so far, and unless you're Peter Thiel, hyperbaric chambers are rather expensive. Luckily, the next step towards total transhumanism is much more pleasurable: buying a sex robot and having longevity orgasms.

Only those with an average lifespan would settle for normal orgasms. Instead, sexual satisfaction produced by a robot sex doll is quickly becoming the fantasy of many transhumanists:

Sexbots are coming, and we will cum with them. Three times a week or whatever our physician / longevity coach recommends. Because orgasms — especially the hormone-exploding O’s we’ll eventually enjoy with carnal cyborgs — are excellent for mental and physical health.

Remember the most convulsive, brain-ripping climax you ever had? The one that left you with “I could die happy now” satiety? Sexbots will electrocute our flesh with climaxes thrice as gigantic because they’ll be more desirable, patient, eager, and altruistic than their meat-bag competition, plus they’ll be uploaded with supreme sex-skills from millennia of erotic manuals, archives and academic experiments, and their anatomy will feature sexplosive devices. Sexbots will heighten our ecstasy until we have shrieking, frothy, bug-eyed, amnesia-inducing orgasms. They’ll offer us quadruple-tongued cunnilingus, open-throat silky fellatio, deliriously gentle kissing, transcendent nipple tweaking, g-spot massage & prostate milking dexterity, plus 2,000 varieties of coital rhythm with scented lubes — this will all be ours when the Sexbots arrive.

Technology hasn't quite gotten to the point where "shrieking, frothy, bug-eyed" orgasms via sentient robots is a reality, but we're getting close. Transhumanity points to the already-existent "Fucking Machines" and "Andydroid" for all of your longevity orgasm needs.

Suddenly your "James Deen is my next-door neighbor and needs to borrow a cup of sugar" fantasy seems so... vanilla.