All those “Good Luck!” texts you’ve been sending your teen on test day aren’t doing a damn thing, science says.
We could have told you that anyway, but Harvard University economist Roland Fryer actually conducted an experiment to study the effects of inspirational texts on teens’ grades. Yes, this sounds like the most productive use of a Harvard economist’s time. Read More
Despite the convenience of online shopping, teens are still heading to malls in droves. Where else are they supposed to harass old people and flagrantly make out?
A study found that 78 percent of girls and 75 percent of boys said they’d rather shop in brick-and-mortar stores than online, Pew Research Center reports. Behind the study are the grownups at Minneapolis investment bank Piper Jaffray, who regularly take stock of teens’ spending patterns and entertainment habits because you kids keep them young. Read More
Between their bratty attitudes and stealing all the free chicken samples at the mall’s Wok N Roll, tweens are miniature little devils who are on a destructive path to ruin the world. Now, a new alarming survey from McAfee reveals that their terrifying and deceitful behavior is happening online too. Read More
Remember when one of the only ways to cheat on school tests was to sneak off mid-exam to the bathroom and look at your notes stuffed in your locker? Apparently teens these days are much more sophisticated, as 12 high schoolers were caught using a Facebook group to assist each other with homework and share test answers. Read More
Teens are flocking to Twitter, Instagram and other sites because its main rival, Facebook, is increasingly becoming DRAMA CENTRAL and they’re SICK OF IT (slams door). A study from the Pew Research Center found that teens are seeking safe havens on other social networks because their parents are ruining the serene Facebook experience by complaining about Uncle John’s heart condition. Read More
New York City tweens who can’t stand the thought of having their gross gym teacher stand in the front of the classroom and explain to them that if they have sex they’ll get AIDS and die may breathe a sigh of relief: today the city health department announced the first-ever digital sex ed class packaged into a neat little smartphone app. Read More
Dear city tweens, we need to have a chat. We thought this was fairly obvious, but considering recent events, apparently we need to reiterate this point: do not, under any circumstances, sink your braces-covered teeth into a school administrator, even if they deprive you of your beloved cell phone. Got it? Read More
While we were all losing our shit about teens sexting on Snapchat, those sneaky creatures moved on to a new terrifying trend. A CBS 2 I-Team investigation breathlessly reported that the newest “growing and disturbing” trend is huffing flowers to get high, and it’s ruining more lives than Selena Gomez.
Teens are seeking out flowers in the Datura plant family, which at least means they’re paying attention in biology. Because they’re FLOWERS, the plants are readily available and–when sniffed–ignite a feeling of hallucination that can last for days. Other spooky side effects include paranoia, vomiting and heart palpitations. (Frankly that sounds our lot like prom night.) Read More
The Daily Mail’s latest troll is a veritable master stroke. British writer Shona Sibary, a true international treasure who has previously written about smacking her kids and admitted that she’d rather play Boggle than have sex with her husband, now tackles modern day culture’s most insidious trend: the duckface selfie.
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One foolproof way to avoid getting your phone jacked by a roving band of hoodlum teenagers? Have a really shitty phone. Read More
