Mmhmm.

News from our neighbors to the north! BlackBerry CEO Thorsten Heins recently sat down with Bloomberg News for a chat and did a spot of prognosticating: 

“In five years I don’t think there’ll be a reason to have a tablet anymore,” Heins said in an interview yesterday at the Milken Institute conference in Los Angeles. “Maybe a big screen in your workspace, but not a tablet as such. Tablets themselves are not a good business model.”

Not if you're going off the example of the PlayBook, that's for sure. A rehash of that doesn't seem so great an idea. And Mr. Heins has big plans for his company.  Big, big plans:

“In five years, I see BlackBerry to be the absolute leader in mobile computing -- that’s what we’re aiming for,” Heins said. “I want to gain as much market share as I can, but not by being a copycat.”

Well la ti da.

(Photo: Deep Roots at Home)

Trading in your twin bed for a sleepover-friendly double bed in a childhood rite of passage--one that allows you to stretch out among your pile of big girl CDs, magazines and clothes.

But tweens today may not ever know this meaningful transition, because sales for twin beds are dropping. Instead, kids are demanding double size beds early on so that they can comfortably sprawl out in bed next to their computers.

The Daily Mail reports that single bed sales have fallen by 9 percent as more and more kids are opting for double beds to accomodate their laptop and tablet obsessions.

"As a child, the bedroom was a place for me to sleep, but I think for today's children, the meaning of a bedroom has changed," one researcher told the Mail. "It is where they sleep, but it is also where they interact on their laptops and iPhones and iPads."

Next up: tweens demanding their parents literally spoonfeed them so they don't have to look away from the laptop during dinner time.

Days of yore. (Photo: kodomut

Let's hope the various e-reader makers gathered their rosebuds while they could, because it seems the heyday of the e-reader is already passing. The Wall Street Journal reports that, according to one market researcher, e-reader shipments dropped 28 percent this year, to 19.9 million from 27.7 million in 2011.

On an anecdotal level, can you think of a single person who requested an e-reader as a holiday gift? Compare that to the number of people who got new phones or tablets.

The reasons for the e-reader's waning are pretty simple: Many people who already own them don't feel the need to upgrade, since what they've got works just fine. If you're going to buy something new, it's likely to be a tablet, which can do more (at ever-lower prices). The Journal says:

"For most consumers, a multi-use tablet is a better fit, particularly at the price points at which tablets can now be had," says Tom Mainelli, IDC's tablet research director. "E-readers will eventually become a niche product."

Now, don't confuse all this with the death of ebooks, which are doing just fine. The Journal says 23 percent more Americans reported reading ebooks in 2012. They're just reading them on tablets or smartphones.

But it you probably should take this as an ominous sign for the future of Barnes & Noble. The New York Times reports that holiday sales in the company's Nook unit (i.e. e-readers, tablets and digital content) dropped 12.6 percent compared to last year. Publishing consultant Mike Shatzkin told the Times, “They are not selling the devices, they are not selling books and traffic is down."

And so Jeff Bezos, ensconced in a mahogany-lined room somewhere, pauses from counting his ducats to move around the pieces on the giant board where he plots world domination.

(Screenshot: Zagg)

Between the Windows 8 sales that hit "well below" expectations, empty retail stores and the numerous YouTube videos featuring a sweaty Steve Ballmer trying to amp up a bored crowd at a product launch, it appears that any person or thing that touches Microsoft is destined for a mortifying moment or two. Even Oprah Winfrey, Queen of All Things Ever, is not immune to the challenges inherent to hawking a Microsoft product.

Betabeat was surprised to find that the Surface, Microsoft's attempt at cornering the tablet market, appeared on Oprah's annual holiday list of Favorite Things alongside a corksicle and some jelly sandals. But it seems that even though she called it a "wowser" on her Favorite Things list, Ms. Winfrey's devotion may be more marketing than true love.

Last night, Oprah tweeted, "Gotta say love that SURFACE! Have bought 12 already for Christmas gifts." The Surface may be good enough for those 12 people, but not for Ms. Winfrey herself, it seems. Zagg noted that the tweet was actually sent via Twitter for iPad; Betabeat confirmed that according to Tweetbot, the tweet was indeed send from an iPad.

Somewhere out West, Steve Ballmer is having a rage stroke.

Apple.com

Apple's unveiling of its new iPad mini launched in a sedate manner with CEO Tim Cook recapping the successes of iOS 6, the new iPods and the App Store, which has distributed 35 billion apps.

After Mr. Cook and Apple's senior veep of marketing Phil Schiller introduced a new, lighter MacBook and a pair of thinner, lighter iMacs, there came the great unveiling of the iPad Mini.

Apple's smaller iPad is the same--but different.

The Mini has the iPad's signature retina display and will use the same accessories, such as the lightning charger. Light as a pad of paper and thinner than the larger version, the iPad Mini's screen is 7.9 inches diagonally. However, when compared with similiar-sized competitors like the Google Nexus, the iPad Mini has more on-screen space--close to the full-sized iPad.

App makers won't have to redesign their product for the Mini, either--all current iPad apps will function the same on the Mini as they do on the full-size iPad.

Pricing for the iPad Mini is comparable to the larger tablet. Wifi only:

• $329, 16 GB
• $429, 32 GB
• $529, 64 GB

The cellular versions of the iPad Mini will have an option for 4G LTE reception and are, as usual, more expensive:

• $459, 16 GB
• $559, 32 GB
• $659, 64 GB.

Apple is promoting the Mini as a "concentration" of the original iPad, not a reduction.

The Verge has published a brief hands-on demo of the iPad Mini by Josh Topolsky, which you can watch below.

(flickr.com/koalazymonkey)

We would write about the first time our luddite grandmother picked up an iPad--the seamless way she took to it, how the flustered confusion laptops evoked in her completely ebbed with a tablet in hand--but Chadwick Matlin already did that a few months ago at The Hairpin, and he did it oh so wonderfully. Instead, let us reflect on ZDNet's piece today about the lure of the tablet--what makes the sleek little device suddenly so appealing to people who previously brandished their technophobia with pride?

According to ZDNet, the elderly among us love to use tablets because they're so un-scary. Tablets "aren’t viewed as computers at all, even though tablets today can do many of the same things. Tablets are things they simply pick up and do stuff, without worry."

But what makes a tablet so different from a computer? It's the way it looks, for one--unassuming, with an intuitive UI that even this reporter's almost two-year-old sister can easily navigate. We first gave her an iPad when she was one and a half, and within an hour she was clicking on the kids apps we'd downloaded for her and loading up games herself.

The iPad is literally so easy to use that a baby can do it.

Tablets also don't come with any bulky hardware -- no mouse, no keyboard. Just press on the glass screen and everything you want is at your fingertips. Simply magical, particularly to those among us who have no idea how computers actually work.

ZDNet points out that the lack of intimidation associated with the tablet is what makes it so easy to adapt to, and it's why technophobes are finally coming around to the sleek little device.

But like, real talk for a sec: do old people have to take over everything? First primetime television and now technology? What's next, old people playing video games? Oh.

B & N Nook spokesperson Danielle Steele.

They're those people: the human being who buys a tablet that isn't Apple's iPad. They're like Pepsi drinkers: Who are they? Why aren't they drinking Coca Cola? What makes them decide to take the road less traveled (and defined) than everyone else? WHAT IS THE APPEAL OF THIS SPECIFIC BRAND IDENTITY? Etc. Whoever the hell they are, Barnes & Noble has just thrown a huge bet down, and it's not just banking on that crowd, but the potential to win that crowd from the clutches of nu-publishing behemoth Amazon.com. How?

Well, for one thing, they're hoping these people really love terrible books and Glee.

Jeff Bercovici at Forbes reports on Barnes & Noble's latest offensive using their own e-reader product, the Nook, and how they plan on selling it on this odd contingent of semi-committed tablet buyers, like a political play for undecideds:

The pitch for Barnes & Noble’s new Nook tablet couldn’t be simpler: Thinking about buying Amazon‘s Kindle Fire? Buy our tablet instead. It’s lighter, faster and more powerful, and it comes with what amounts to free Wi-Fi and in-person tech support — all for just fifty bucks more.

Unfortunately, there are a few caveats to this:

• It's $50 more.
• It doesn't run a full Android OS.
• That free Wi-Fi is only accessible at specific hotspots.
• A Wi-Fi connection is required for optimal use of the Nook, which is designed "primarily for streaming."
• Third-party services play heavily into the Nook's use (Netflix, Hulu, Pandora), which creates a liability for users that B & N can't account for.

Asking yourself 'What's better about this thing again?' It's an entirely fair question. Per Bercovici:

Lynch argued that its advantage in memory alone — 16 gigabytes unexpanded, versus 8 gigabytes for the Fire, and a 2-to-1 advantage in RAM — makes up for the gap.

Also, they really think that whole Free Wi-Fi and in-house support is going to help. Problems? Sure:

• Any business who wants to put new feet (or simply more feet) on their property can mount free Wi-Fi. Which goes without mentioning all the cities and small municipalities who are now making wireless access free to everyone, which unequivocally undermines this selling point.
• When buyers are thinking about what they're about to buy, they're considering (A) whether or not it's what they want and (B) the hole it's going to put in their pocket. Here's what buyers aren't thinking about: the day the thing they're about to buy breaks. Also, Amazon's potential solutions for this are pretty easy: Buy storefronts or partner with a wireless provider for service kiosks. Or if they want to get really crafty and craven, simply certify Kindle Techs across America and support old-school IT support small businesses and when the local Amazon Kindle Fixer Guy only makes the problem worse, well (A) at least he's there! and (B) he doesn't work for Amazon, per se.
• Finally: More storage volume at cheaper prices sure didn't help the Zune. Remember the Zune? Nobody else does, either.

So how are they going to sell against these totally obvious points? Well, with democracy! Via NYT's Media Decoder:

“The Kindle Fire, and they do a lot of things well, is a vending machine for Amazon services,” Mr. Lynch said. “We’re going to partner with the world’s most popular music services. We’re going to let the consumers choose.”

A smart strategy, given that people will clearly never buy products—and especially Tablet devices—which basically acts as a monopoly machine forcing users into buying products from a single source. Failing that? BRING OUT THE PITCH-PEOPLE! Serious celebrity power up in this:

With the Nook Tablet hitting stores next week, Barnes & Noble is rolling out a marketing campaign with spots starring Jane Lynch, James Patterson and Danielle Steel. It’s the biggest such campaign the company has ever mounted, in support of a business that Lynch said would generate $1.8 billion in revenue this year.

If that doesn't tell you everything you need to know about what Barnes & Noble does and doesn't understand about the E-Reader buying demographic—besides the fact that they obviously like to spend more money for features they can generally get for free around the world—this will:

“This is a business that was a PowerPoint slide two years ago,” he said.

Yeah, maybe to Barnes & Noble. Clearly. If they keep up this talk, Barnes & Noble is going to a PowerPoint slide on how to send your business careening over a cliff that's in very, very plain sight.

fkamer@observer.com | @weareyourfek

AllThingsD shared the not-at-all surprising news that the iPad 2 continues to lead the tablet market. Shocking, of course. With millions of sales expected for the next quarter, the competition is a handful of also-rans that would be thrilled with a tenth of the market.

Samsung Galaxy Tabs, BlackBerry PlayBooks; and Acer Iconia Tabs have all shipped hundreds of thousands of units—in some cases millions. But the flood-the-market strategy only works if you’re the company who regularly packs stores with obsessive, regular buyers on opening days—like Apple.

While competitors rush to turn out new generations and features like Hail Marys in the unwinnable game, Apple is sitting on two next releases, squeezing as much out of the market as they can before rolling out the next inevitable best seller.

Fastcompany.com pointed out the tablet war’s most tragicomic event: the second best-selling tablet in history is the now-discontinued HP TouchPad.

Before finally giving it the ax, HP slashed TouchPad prices to just $99 from the original $499, and saw a sudden, massive surge in sales, pushing them into the hundreds of thousands of units sold. They couldn’t sustain a profit on this price, though. Apparently there isn’t a profitable way to compete with Apple.

Apple has decided to hold off on releases of next generation tablets for the year—the next model will probably come out in early 2012.

Sports Illustrated Tablet Edition

Right now only four Time Inc. titles--Time, Sports Illustrated, People and Fortune--have gotten the tablet treatment. But the media giant says it's planning to add its other 17 properties by the end of the year, a sign the company is still bullish on a market that continues to be dominated by Apple, which has yet to come to an agreement with Time over its cut of subscription fees from purchases made through the iTunes stores.

So despite the fact the more than 90 percent of consumer-owned tablet are still iPads, Time is diversifying to make its tablet editions available on Android, HP and the so called Hulu for magazines. Another revenue stream will come from subscription sold through the Amazon Kindle and Barnes and Noble Nook.

"Now is the time for us to make this bold commitment. In the coming year, there will clearly be many more consumers using tablets, accelerating demand for content and driving advertiser interest. We are putting ourselves in a great position to take advantage of these opportunities," said Maurice Edelson, EVP and a member of Time Inc.'s interim management committee, in a presser. "Having our entire portfolio available on tablets will create a significant new digital reach for our advertisers."

Hopefully Time has a smart, simple way to port its content to tablet, something along the lines of mobile publishing start-up OnSwipe, which will save them the expense of adding all the flash powered bells and whistles that have so far failed to sell readers on expensive tablet editions. If they need an example of what not to do, perhaps this article on Conde Nast's tablet troubles can be of help.