(Photo: webpronews)

Okay, we'll admit it: a smartphone is almost as good as a boyfriend. Texting is a perfectly fine substitute for talking, a Snapchat of a penis is not that much less exciting than the real thing, and who needs to fall asleep to the comforting sound of your loved one's snoring when you can drift off to dreamland guided by your favorite chillwave band?

Still, as awesome as sexting is, sexing is infinitely better. But with everyone operating at Peak Smartphone Obsession, it seems that many would prefer to trade in their sex lives for iPhones. CNBC reports that in a recent survey conducted by Internet security company AVG Technologies, 57 percent of American women said they'd rather give up sex for a week than their smartphone. Makes sense--you can't check your email on a set of chiseled abs, at least not until the Singularity comes.

We have to assume porn is still allowed in this no-sex-or-smartphone hypothetical, otherwise we're out.

The 10 percent. (Photo: Valleywag/Scoble)

Since Google has invented Glass, an intricately built face computer that's only purpose is to display Reddit while showering, it now has to entice the public to buy the dopey devices. If a new survey is to be believed, that'll be an uphill challenge: Just 10 percent of respondents would wear it on the regular--regardless of how much it costs.

BiTE Interactive talked to 1,000 American smartphone owners who said that they  didn't care for Glass's design. Around 45 percent said the device looks "too socially awkward" or "too irritating" to wear. Another 44 percent said they don't think Glass's features of, uh, displaying the weather, are desirable. It also doesn't help that Robert Scoble's picture is probably engrained into many of our minds.

Even though 10 percent of willing wearers sounds low, Boy Genius Report insists the news is not a kick in the face for GOOG:

As of the end of March, comScore estimates that 136.7 million people in the U.S. owned smartphones. If Google sells 13.6 million pairs of its Google Glass eyewear, it will be more successful than most smartphone models, and smartphones are almost a commodity at this point. The idea that 13.6 million people in the U.S. are even willing to wear Glass is simply remarkable.

Honestly, the idea of just 13.6 people wearing these things also sounds remarkable.

Cool text. (Photo: Hashgram)

People are increasingly acting like complete assholes to each other online, according to a new study conducted by corporate training firm VitalSmarts. Nearly 80 percent of respondents said they believe people’s rude behavior on social media is getting worse, and that they themselves have “no qualms” about acting like a jerk online.

Meanwhile, 19 percent of survey takers said they have blocked, unsubscribed or unfriended a person after an online argument, while one in five of the 3,000 people who responded said they have reduced IRL contact following an e-brawl.

Joseph Grenny, a co-chairman from VitalSmarts, believes etiquette online hasn't yet caught up to those of in person principles. He said the lack of peer pressure (a.k.a judgement) online is the root of why people think they can get away with being mean.

"What really is surprising is that so many people disapprove of this behavior but people are still doing it. Why would you name call online but never to that person's face?" said Grenny to Reuters.

Because it's easier, you jerk.

You know her. (Photo: whenyourebored.com)

Everyone watches porn, including those who lie and say they don't. Sex toy retailer Adam and Eve conducted a survey and discovered that 36 percent of respondents lied denied watching online porn.

The site polled more than 1,000 adults (of legal age, it ensured) for its monthly "Great American Sex Survey," since there's nothing more American than answering the essay prompt,  “How do you prefer to watch adult content?”

Adam and Eve found that nearly half of respondents prefer free-to-view sites as their top choice, while 16 percent preferred porn on DVDs. Four percent of people broke the first rule of Internetting by paying to watch porn online.

Then there were the liars. More than one-third of survey takers revealed that they fake a lot of things, like answering anonymous porn survey questions. XBiz surmised the peculiar findings:

It was unclear as to whether the respondents were truthful in their answers or just shy about admitting that they watch porn.

We're gonna go with the latter.

(Photo: Help for Depression)

Before the dawn of the Internet, when libraries were places where people read and not just a bathroom for the homeless, young people used to seek out their elders for advice on life's important questions. "How is babby formed?" they wondered. "What's it like being an old person?"

Now, with the advent of the Internet, grandparents are slowly becoming obsolete, at least according to a morbid new survey. Almost two thirds of grandparents feel that their role is being eclipsed by Google, Wikipedia and YouTube, where kids go for advice on traditionally grandparent-y stuff like dinner recipes, household chores and historical insights.

"Grandparents believe they are being sidelined by Google, YouTube, Wikipedia and the huge resource of advice available on the internet," one researcher told The Telegraph. "They are aware that their grandchildren – already with their noses buried in a laptop, tablet computer or smartphone – find it much easier to search the internet for instant advice."

What the survey did not point out is that grandparents are still the number one source for warm hugs that smell of cough drops, uncomfortable comments about your appearance and offensive sentiments about other races.

Some things the Internet can never replace.

Sex searches. via Neuroskeptic

From the realm of the utterly unsurprising, Neuroskeptic, a blog about neuroscience, clues us in on a study of Google Trends that confirms what anyone who ever hit puberty has known from age 13 on: to everything there is a season, especially getting naked:

The authors looked at the Google Trends for a selection of naughty words and phrases, and this revealed a pretty marked 6 month cycle for searches originating from the USA, with two yearly peaks in the search volumes. There was no such pattern for some non-sexual control words.

The study, conducted by the psychology department at Villanova University, used "harmonic analyses" to track seasonal trends in searches for words like "'porn,' 'boobs,' 'xvideos,' 'tits,'" as well as other party-funtime terms like 'hentai,' 'xxx,' 'nude' and the always evocative 'milf.'

Neuroskeptic suggests the clear six-month cycle may be due to "a social construction driven by the fact that in Western cultures, Christmas and summer are the main holiday seasons." However it could also be evidence of a "more primitive biological cycle."

The chart showing the 5 year overall trend indicates a particularly large spike in the summer of 2010. Apparently it was one of the hottest summers on record in more ways than one.

(Photo: Know Your Meme)

Ladies, we need to talk. A survey (with an admittedly small pool of participants) published today confirms many of our worst fears: There's a 25 percent chance your bestie posted that pic of your heinous drunk face deliberately. The nerve!

The survey of 1,500 women ages 18+, published by photo gift service MyMemory, determined that, "The majority of women posting the photos said they did so after falling out with their friends, while nearly a third said they were taking revenge on people who had done the same to them," according to The Telegraph.

Presumably the majority of those women had also called someone "a gap-toothed bitch" at one point in time (it's not their fault they're so gap-toothed).

Enough mean girling! Let's all agree to respect the detag/takedown request, shall we?

Mr. Stallman, snacking on foot stuff. (Photo: Phun.no)

Good news if you're Richard Stallman! According to a travel survey conducted by Intel, Americans are so obsessed with keeping their devices tethered to their fast-typing fingers that they're eschewing the comforts and hygiene of modern life just to keep them charged. We call this the "Stallman Quotient": The more you embrace technology over showering, the higher your Stallman Quotient grows. The maximum Stallman Quotient score is 10, otherwise known as "eating something from your foot while being filmed during a lecture."

According to Reuters, 46 percent of people score a high ranking on the Stallman scale, admitting that "they had compromised personal comfort or hygiene to keep the devices charged." Additionally, "More than three-quarters of people questioned thought losing their device would be more stressful than misplacing their wedding ring, and 64 percent said they would sacrifice things such as toiletries to make room in luggage for their laptops or tablets."

Who needs deodorant when you can pass the time playing Angry Birds?

In related news, we're all really gross.

According to this survey, Sheryl Sandberg is one lucky lady. (flickr.com/financialtimes)

New York may have double the female founders, but that statistic refers primarily to fledgling startups. What about the ladies leading large technology companies?

According to a new report by technology recruiting company the Harvey Nash Group, the number of women in top-tier IT positions has decreased since 2010. "Nine percent of U.S. chief information officers (CIOs) are female, down from 11 percent last year and 12 percent in 2010," reports Reuters.

A three percent dip over a two-year period doesn't seem like a lot, but when you consider the fact that the percentages are already so low--nine percent--it's a pretty dramatic decrease. We're in single-digits territory now, ladies. Pretty depressing.

But here's the clincher, according to Reuters:

About 30 percent of those polled said their information technology (IT) organization has no women at all in management. Yet only about half of survey respondents consider women to be under-represented in the IT department.

So statistics clearly indicate that men account for the vast majority of technology professionals, but only half of those surveyed think that women are under-represented? That means that about 50 percent of people don't think it's a big deal that men dominate over 90 percent of managerial IT roles.

*Headdesk.*