Mr. Gates. (Photo: Flickr, ToddABishop

Are you being driven slowly mad by your keyboardless iPad? Bill Gates feels your pain. If you can't use it to open up an Excel sheet and do a little quick work in bed, what's even the point of any gadget?

Business Insider reports that the baby-faced billionaire appeared on CNBC this morning to chat about the blurred lines between tablets and PCs. That, of course, led to a brag about the Surface, which he boasted offers both the "portability of the tablet but the richness of the PC."

Unlike, let's say, those bricks made by his rivals down in Cupertino:

"He then said of people using iPad-like devices, 'A lot of those users are frustrated, they can't type, they can't create documents, they don't have Office there.'"

Gonna be awkward when Melinda tells him about Google Docs.

(Photo: Rex Sorgatz)

Social media is making Google search less useful. Facebook isn't ready to compete, at least not yet. Welcome to the search desert. [BuzzFeed]

If you're a PC maker who wasn't so thrilled when Microsoft launched the Surface, how exactly do you feel about news that the software maker might invest $2 billion in the deal to take Dell private? [Bloomberg]

Apple releases its quarterly earnings report today, and your guess is as good as ours. As far as what earnings mean for the company's stock, which has plummeted nearly 30 percent since September? How about something in the $1 to infinity range?[@ReformedBroker]

Two Bitcoin casinos say their businesses are minting profit. [Ars Technica]

Larry Page said that Google Fiber was not a "hobby" for his company, during a conference call to discuss quarterly earnings. Cruelly, he didn't say anything about when the company might expand the product beyond Kansas City. [Los Angeles Times]

(Mehreen Zama/Instagram)

Microsoft has chosen the Times Square-to-Grand Central shuttle to launch an advertising campaign for the Surface, and it's a full-on assault: not only did the company install video screens to loop an ad for the tablet computer, but it painted entire cars flamboyant pink, the same color, Mashable points out, as the double duty screen protectors/keyboards that Microsoft calls Touchcovers.

The sight of which can only recall an old Betabeat favorite: Steel Magnolias.

(Screenshot: Zagg)

Between the Windows 8 sales that hit "well below" expectations, empty retail stores and the numerous YouTube videos featuring a sweaty Steve Ballmer trying to amp up a bored crowd at a product launch, it appears that any person or thing that touches Microsoft is destined for a mortifying moment or two. Even Oprah Winfrey, Queen of All Things Ever, is not immune to the challenges inherent to hawking a Microsoft product.

Betabeat was surprised to find that the Surface, Microsoft's attempt at cornering the tablet market, appeared on Oprah's annual holiday list of Favorite Things alongside a corksicle and some jelly sandals. But it seems that even though she called it a "wowser" on her Favorite Things list, Ms. Winfrey's devotion may be more marketing than true love.

Last night, Oprah tweeted, "Gotta say love that SURFACE! Have bought 12 already for Christmas gifts." The Surface may be good enough for those 12 people, but not for Ms. Winfrey herself, it seems. Zagg noted that the tweet was actually sent via Twitter for iPad; Betabeat confirmed that according to Tweetbot, the tweet was indeed send from an iPad.

Somewhere out West, Steve Ballmer is having a rage stroke.

(Photo: Huffington Post)

The deposed queen of daytime is, apparently, still issuing annual proclamations of her favorite things--even without a studio full of suburban moms moved to speak in tongues after receiving the good word.

Microsoft better hope Oprah's imprimatur is still enough to move items off the shelf because Ms. Winfrey has declared the Surface tablet to be one of her favorite things in 2012. "Feels like a Mercedes-Benz to me, people!" she crows. 

According to the rest of Oprah's list, that puts Surface-lovers in the Venn diagram between People Who Want to Chill Their Wine Like a Snow Fairy and People Who Think Dogs Can Read Architectural Digest. Practicality is not big with these folks.

Gizmodo's Sam Biddle and his fetching cardigan recently appeared on Bloomberg TV declaring Surface "kind of heartbreaking," for its watered-down operating system. But Ms. Winfrey seems fine with tablet alternatives that won't actually replace your laptop.

"The full-size keyboard built right into the cover makes work easy, the very smart kickstand makes watching a movie or Skyping a friend a delight, the less than a pound-and-a-half weight makes a great alternative to a laptop, and the many other features make it fun for work and play. Now, that's a wowser!"—Oprah

It might come as a wowser to Oprah fans like luvtread that the keyboard, which is integral to using the device, is actually sold separately for $120. Wait, is that what makes it Benz-y?

(h/t @lindseyweber)

The store in all her glory. (Photo: Joe Zaga on Instagram)

Does employee training at Microsoft now just consist of watching CEO Steve Ballmer flipping his shit on loop? After attending the opening of the company's new store in Times Square, we can't help but wonder.

Microsoft is opening 34 temporary stores in preparation for the holidays, and this was the first. The popup was well-executed, but it seemed a little small for Times Square's massive foot traffic. Inside we found a crowd heavy on photographers, store staffers and dudes in sharp suits--as well as lots of very excited people buying Surface tablets. (Not that they could walk out with them. Nothing could leave the premises until midnight, so early buyers had to come back.)

The interior felt like a weird riff on an Apple Store, as though the designers had started with the same bare-bones IKEA-chic aesthetic then added back giant Surface banners and faux stained-oak tables.

But the most striking thing about the unveiling was just how fucking psyched Microsoft employees seem to be about these products and this store and life in general.

"Hello TIMES SQUARE!" Malinda, the manager of "this beautiful Microsoft store" greeted us from a small stage in front of the still-covered storefront, channeling the pep of an SEC cheerleader and demonstrating the lung capacity of a drill sergeant. She introduced Microsoft COO Kevin Turner, who stepped to the stage and began shouting in the same register, sounding uncannily like his boss: "Hello NEW YORK!"

"This is an epic moment," he added. "It's been a monumentous day for us, it's one that we're very very excited to be able to bring you the first place in the country where we're going to sell Windows 8 and Surface tonight." He paused for woo-hoos from Malinda and her T-shirt-clad squadron.

Friday, he said, Microsoft would be opening more stores. "But tonight, at 10 o'clock, we're going to be opening up this store, the first in the country." "Yes we are!!" seconded Malinda, can-I-get-a-witness-style.

If there's anything that was epic, it was the amount of money Microsoft must've spent on the retail pageantry. Everywhere we looked, we saw ads. It wasn't quite a full Times Square takeover--even Microsoft doesn't have the resources to buy out every inch of Times Square, we suppose--but you couldn't turn your head without spotting the Surface on another enormous screen. Stretching out to either side of the store were signs touting Windows 8 on Acer, on HP, on Sony, like Stark bannermen massing for war.

Finally, after a New Year's Eve-style countdown ("from 8, as in Windows 8!") the sheet covering the exterior came down, revealing a cheerful exterior covered in Windows logos and a giant Surface. Inside, store staffers were jumping up and down to the Flo Rida song "Good Feeling."

It was only surrounded by the Microsoft logo that we noticed the event-appropriate lyric, "No trick plays, I'm Bill Gates, Take a genius to understand me."

Mayor Bloomberg and Mr. Dorsey. (Photo: nycgov.tumblr.com)

The next step in what we assume is Jack Dorsey's Bruce Lee-inspired plan to take over the world: Square will soon launch in Canada. [TechCrunch]

Speaking of can't stop won't stop, Lerer Ventures has closed its third fund, clocking in at $36.15 million. [PandoDaily]

Mathematician Zachary Harris received an unexpected email from a Google recruiter. Wondering whether it might be a spoof, he did a little digging and discovered it was actually pretty easy, cryptographically speaking, to fake an email from a Google corporate address. He promptly faked one from Sergey Brin to Larry Page, thinking the whole thing was a deliberate puzzle. [Wired]

This is what it looks like when something posted on Facebook goes viral. [Fast Company]

With the debut of the Surface--i.e., a hardware device that's harder to pirate--could Microsoft finally make some headway in China? Maybe, but it's rare to lose money betting on the ingenuity of IP infringers. [Reuters]

(Photo: Amanda Peyton, Twitter)

Graffiti-like ads for Microsoft's new Surface tablet have been cropping up on the sides of buildings across New York, according to The Verge. Sadly, they do not feature the mug of $MSFT CEO Steve Ballmer splashed in pop art colors in a Che Guevara-esque pose.

Instead, they're simple, boxy renderings with the term "SURFACE" imprinted in bold. Microsoft refused to confirm or deny to The Verge whether or not the ads are actually sponsored by the company, but considering previous guerilla marketing tactics for products like MSN, we're sure they're in on it somehow. We also somehow doubt an enterprising graffiti artist has suddenly decided to chronicle his affinity for a technology company that peaked while he was in elementary school.

Wonder what Mayor Bloomberg will have to say? He's tech friendly, but surely he can't be that tech friendly.

Mr. Ballmer. (Photo: Wikimedia)

With the Surface tablet, Microsoft has made itself cool. What, you don't agree? No less an authority than the Washington Post hath declared it so, in a story headlined "Why Microsoft is for once the cool kid in the technology world." The alternate title is "Microsoft betrays the trust of customers and partners in the name of progress."

The company unveiled the svelte new tablet with its magical keyboard kickstand without giving its hardware or software partners much of a heads up, WaPo writes, and that makes Steve Ballmer a mean girl. "While much of Microsoft’s new-found popularity is deserved, it’s also become increasingly clear that the company is willing to betray the trust of consumers and its partners to get its way," the story says. And they have this book, this "burn book," where they write horrible things about Apple and HP...

He just loves unmasking you. Flickr.com/teuobk

At launch, Reddit was seeded with fake users. We can't imagine that would go over well today. [Motherboard]

The city is gonna grow its own developers, thanks very much. So many students want in to the new Academy of Software Engineering, officials already want to open more schools like it. [Daily News]

Google should google "Don't mess with Texas." [AllThingsD]

Microsoft's Surface tablet will reportedly be Wifi only at launch. We'll just be over here on our Kindle Fire, thanks. [Bloomberg]

Regulators have a few questions for NASDAQ. [DealBook]

Larry Page has lost his voice. Surely someone has worked out a solution in his 20 percent time? [All Things D]