Mr. Judge (Photo: Hypemedia)

The highly anticipated Silicon Valley comedy from the mind of Beavis and Butthead creator Mike Judge has been picked up by HBO for a full season, according to Deadline. The show doesn't have a title yet, but we already know it opens on "the shit-brown hills of Mountainview," and stars Martin Starr of Freaks and Geeks and Party Down fame.

The plot of the pilot, as outlined by a script published by Quartz, is a tantalizing glimpse of what's to come:

“… six programmers are living together in East Palo Alto, each working on software they hope will make them rich, from a system for policing music copyrights to an app that ‘gives you the location of a woman with erect nipples.’”

Give us a sweaty, screaming Steve Ballmer or a Jack Dorsey lookalike raving about his artisanal wheat grass enema by the end of the pilot and we'll be hooked for the whole season.

(Photo: Charlie Rose)

The Rosewood Hotel on Sand Hill Road, conveniently nestled near almost every important VC firm in the Valley, has long been a hotspot for wealthy VCs to meet potential mates. This is due in part to love concierge Amy Andersen, founder of the super stealth matchmaking company Linx Dating. She helped cultivate an unofficial “Cougar Night” at the hotel after setting up a meet-and-greet there for her wealthy clients in 2009.

Ms. Andersen helps geeky Valley guys clean up their act (Get a spray tan! Whiten your teeth!) and switch out the sandals-with-socks look with the hopes that they'll find the "Einstein-meets-Heidi Klum" of their dreams.

"A lot have been incredibly successful because of their analytical minds,” Ms. Andersen told Vanity Fair, "but women don’t want to be out with a cyborg." Speak for yourself, lady.

We're not really sure how Thursday nights at the Rosewood went from powerful VCs getting drinks to a "Cougar Night" so infamous even Starbucks baristas know to try their luck there, but luckily storied venture capitalist Marc Andreessen took to Quora to help explain it.

In response to the Quora question, “Why does the Rosewood Sand Hill attract its lively late-night bar crowd?” Mr. Andreessen wrote:

My theory is that the Rosewood bar is wired with video cameras and is actually a long-form reality TV show titled "Cougars vs Hookers".  Could be wrong though.

Someone get Andy Cohen on the phone so we can clear this one up ASAP.

(h/t Daily Mail)

This man has no limits. (Photo: Think of a blue egg)

Provigil, the Adderall-like drug used to combat sleepiness, is experiencing a resurrgence fit for our maximum-efficiency lifestyle. Back in 2008, TechCrunch cofounder Michael Arrington penned a post about how Silicon Valley entrepreneurs were increasingly using the prescription pill to stay awake for long periods at a time and focus better. Now, New York Magazine reports Provigil is making a comeback among traders and entrepreneurs, some of whom affectionately refer to it as "Viagra for the Brain."

Though it was originally marketed as a treatment for narcolepsy, Provigil is currently used primarily as a "smart drug," helping keep users alert and focused. It's a lot like Adderall or Vyvanse, but minus some of those drugs' negative side effects. Limitless, the 2011 movie which showed Bradley Cooper finding a drug that allowed him to use 100 percent of his brain, is rumored to have been modeled off Provigil, according to New York. "I would describe it as being very much like Adderall, but without the speediness," one trader told New York.

Leave it to Silicon Valley geeks to use drugs for work instead of play.

Sure. (Photo: Hashgram)

As HBO drums up promotion of the upcoming season of Games of Thrones, the premium cable network is trying a different approach: cozying up with the digerati. (Historically, HBO has greeted the Internet much Night's Watch would approach a horde of White Walkers.)

Last week, the cabler held elaborate Games of Thrones-themed events in techie hotspots like Silicon Valley and Seattle--home base to Internet giants like Amazon, Google, Netflix prone to disrupting the archaic television distribution process.

The Los Angeles Times described the crowd at the party as a sea of t-shirts adorned with Twitter logos, with plenty of Google Glass to go around. That explains why we spied tech bigwigs, like AllThingsD co-executive editor Kara Swisher and Craigslist founder Craig Newmark in attendance.

So, why is HBO trading in the glitzy red carpet premieres for neckbeard laden shindigs? Uproxx hypothesizes it sees the “writing on the wall” since its subscriber growth rate has leveled. HBO wants to make a preemptive strike to protect its yearly $3 billion revenue before it emotionally collapses, Hannah Horvath style.

According to the LA Times, all that the hobnobbing with tech companies could help HBO secure better deals on their platforms.

Analysts say HBO was looking to strengthen its alliances with an emerging new distribution network and the social media companies that help spread the popularity of its original programming.

HBO’s glacial, but inevitable, decision to offer HBOGo as a standalone product could be a good first step if it come to an agreement with those pesky cable providers. Perhaps an autograph from Mr. Dinklage could smooth the way?

Man on the street. (Photo: screencap)

Get excited! Mike Judge's much-anticipated (by Betabeat, at least) comedy about Silicon Valley has begun filming a pilot in downtown Palo Alto. So the local news hounds at KPIX San Francisco sallied forth to take in the action on University Avenue and explain the show for locals:

"It's a comedy about six programmers trying to create software that will earn them big bucks. That's not really a comedy, that's what people do down here all the time."

Oh, it's a comedy, alright.

Mr. Haag. (Photo: Wikipedia)

Naturally, it's the moment that everyone decamps for SXSW that scandal breaks. Fortune reports that the San Francisco venture firm CMEA Capital and former chief operating partner John Haag have been slapped with allegations of sexual harassment, racial harassment and retaliation by a trio of executive assistants.

Ellen Pao's gender discrimination lawsuit against Kleiner Perkins came as a shock largely because the prestigious firm has long had a good-guy reputation. This lawsuit, on the other hand, is jaw-dropping for its volume of allegations that are just disgusting. It reads like House of Cards meets Van Wilder. If even a handful of these claims are true, it's enough to obliterate all our Lean In-inspired optimism.

The complaint alleges that Mr. Haag regularly said things that were "sexually and racially inappropriate" and that off-color remarks and jokes were "a common and tolerated part of the work environment." The plaintiffs also claim that when they went to management with their complaints, an outside investigation backed them up and Mr. Haag was shown the door. But yet, the accusers say, they've still faced retaliation.

Fortune reports:

The three plaintiffs -- Dawn-Shemain Weeks, Margaret Hines and Shannon Schlagenhauf -- tell of a hostile work environment and detail 35 different alleged examples of inappropriate sexual comments and advances. Some of the examples are shockingly lurid, and far more explicit than what is normally found in a Silicon Valley harassment lawsuit.

If anything, "shockingly lurid" doesn't do it justice. The complaint is filled with allegations of shenanigans that would make Don Draper blush.

Some of the low-lights:

On one occasion Plaintiff Schlagenhauf walked into Defendant Haag's office. Defendant Haag asked her to come around to his side of the desk to help him out with something. Defendant Haag was sitting in the chair with his legs spread open and his crotch thrust out. Defendant Haag maneuvered himself in such a way so as to restrict Plaintiff Schlagenhauf's movement away from him or to his exit his office.

Then there's this tidbit sure to many any woman clutch her laundry basket protectively:

During the drive, Defendant Haag mentioned that he had two female tenants. Defendant Haag then told Plaintiff that the female tenants sometimes leave their underwear in the dryer and that Defendant Haag liked to "sniff it."

There's also this bit of locker room banter:

On one occasion Plaintiff Hines was answering a question by Defendant Haag stating that she had not eaten and needed some protein and commenced to eat a piece of string-cheese. defendant Haag commented, "You don't get enough protein at home?" and then used his tongue and hand to simulate oral-sex.

Just for good measure:

On another occasion, Defendant Haag asked the female Investor Relations employee whether they were aware that porn-stars bleach their anuses in order to make them more attractive.

This goes on for pages and pages, each anecdote more revolting than the last. Now if you'll excuse us, we're off to wash our hands.

We've reached out to CMEA Capital and Mr. Haag for comment and will update if we hear anything back.

(Update, 5:48 p.m.) Mr. Haag's attorney responded on his behalf:

John Haag cannot comment on this matter as it is in active litigation other than to say he looks forward to the truth coming out in the course of this lawsuit. He is prepared to defend himself vigorously and trusts the justice system will thoroughly vindicate him.

It's not easy being a computer programmer in Silicon Valley. Even with slides, buffets, and any other number of ridiculous amenities, the tech business can be a stressful and even physically painful endeavor (you try typing for twenty hours straight). But for many of America’s best coders, the remedy to stress is manifesting in a way bosses would probably rather not know about: they gettin hiiiiiiiigh, brah! San Jose, which is home to over 100 medical marijuana dispensaries, is seeing a noticeable uptick in the number of customers who work in tech, according to a report from Businessweek.

Nearly 40 percent of customers at Palliative Health, a medical marijuana distributor, work in the tech industry, and although most tech companies do not allow marijuana usage or possession on their campuses, some employees are skirting this rule. They use products like MedMar Healing Center's "Veda Chews", a marijuana infused chocolate toffee which delivers the pain relief effects of marijuana without the psychoactive effects. MedMar says that at least 15 percent of its clients work in the tech industry.

It only takes a “recommendation” from a doctor for a patient to obtain medical marijuana, and it can be used for arthritis, migraines or "any other illness for which marijuana provides relief,” according to the initial 1996 California medical marijuana law. Apparently arthritis and migraines are pretty common maladies among programmers.

While it is commonly used by many employees in the Valley, tech companies are apparently pretty hesitant to start employing mandatory drug testing, for fear of losing too many employees. “The Silicon Valley data support recent news reports citing some employers who say they are having a hard time finding candidates that can pass the preemployment drug test,”  Barry Sample, director of science and technology for Quest Diagnostics Employer Solutions, told Businessweek.

Maybe all Marissa Meyer needs is to let her employees light a little chronic to increase productivity.

(Photo: SugarDaddie.com)

Woodside, California is a quaint, wealthy suburb in San Mateo County, situated about 20 minutes from the tech hub of Palo Alto. Because of its close proximity to big tech companies like Google and Facebook, many wealthy entrepreneurs (including Larry Ellison!) call Woodside home. And now, because of its plethora of eligible rich men, online dating startup SugarDaddie.com, which unites "wealthy, desirable and attractive people," has offered the town $11.65 million to officially change its name to SugarDaddie.com, USA.

It's not the worst idea we've ever heard.

SugarDaddie, which has been around since 2003, wants to create the world's first dating site-sponsored city. Unfortunately, it's having some trouble finding a taker. Sugar Land, Texas already turned down its $5 million offer, and $11.65 million is probably chump change to the tech billionaires settled in Woodside. ($11.65 million is what Captain Larry E. calls "loose change.")

If Woodside accepted SugarDaddie's proposal, they would also have to agree to the following terms, according to NBC.com:

- All official government correspondence, selected institutions and street signs changed to reflect the new name. This includes renaming the Town Hall, town council, public library, annual art fair and all city websites.

-- Local government officials must present Steven Pasternack, CEO of SugarDaddie.com, with a key to the town in a formal ceremony.

-- And last but certainly not least, a statue near Town Hall must be built of Hugh Hefner or another public figure who best represents the sugar-daddy lifestyle.

Has SugarDaddie tried presenting this offer to a town in Florida? Seems like they'd probably be up for it.

Think of the (adults being treated like) children!

Google's Mountain View campus is home to a beach volleyball court, a bowling alley, a climbing wall, seven fitness centers, "more than 100 micro-kitchens" and, it seems, toxic vapors.

CBS says readings of TCE, or trichloroethylene vapors, as high as eight micrograms per cubic meter were found in Google buildings. Not to get too Erin Brokovich on you, but the normal range is five per cubic meter.

CBS says the culprit are the ghosts of Silicon Valley's past. Buildings QD6, and QD7 are located on land once used by computer chip manufacturers like Fairchild Semiconductor, Intel, Raytheon and more, who "dumped thousands of gallons of the toxic solvent into the ground, contaminating the water."

But we think we know what dark forces tinkering in the basement might really be at fault. RAYMOND KURZWEIL, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! REPORT TO THE SLIDE IMMEDIATELY.

Via Travis Porter's metaphorical video interpretation/a> of his single, "Make it Rain."

Somebody thinks they're a player! Reuters reports that electronics maker Samsung is launching a Silicon Valley-based early-stage fund with $100 million to invest in startups, with an attentive eye to anything in "remote computing, cybersecurity, mobility and mobile privacy."

This is not out of the goodness of Samsung's heart, but rather a way of working its way ever-deeper into the U.S. tech business and acting the part of the heavy-hitter. Samsung is also opening a new "Innovation Center" on Sand Hill Road. Ball so hard, you guys.

Says Reuters:

"It is important to be in Silicon Valley," said Young Sohn, president and chief strategy officer of Samsung's device solutions unit, who is leading the initiative. "This is the epicenter of disruptive forces. And we want to make sure we are part of the disruptive forces."

The fund will also operate out of offices in South Korea and Israel. Hey, what are we, chopped liver?

(via Business Insider)