Quantify Me

Famous Computer Scientist Has Reached the Boss Level of Self-Quantifying: Freezing His Own Poop

This is poop. (Photo: BBC)

There are already people out there quantifying their ladyparts, so we were unsurprised to hear that one famous computer scientist had decided to take the concept a step further. Professor Larry Smarr, who was the first director of the National Center for Supercomputing Applications, told the BBC that he tracks his bodily health in a number of ways–including by saving, freezing and examining his own poop. Read More

XXX in Tech

‘Spreadsheets’ App Measures How Loud You Moan to Determine If You’re Good at Sex

"Lol sorry for ejaculating prematurely." (Photo: Spreadsheets)

Here at Betabeat, we’ve always said the key metric for determining a good sex partner is the decibel at which they shriek during intercourse.

Now a new app called “Spreadsheets” promises to help you quantify all of the things that supposedly add up to satisfying sex–such as the number of thrusts and the pitch of your scream–to determine whether or not you’re good in the sack. (Hint: if you need an app to figure this out, you’re probably not.) Read More

This Happened

Want to Work at Fitocracy? Just Attach Shirtless Selfies to Your Resume

(Photo: Hire Kenny Yang)

Fitocracy, the gamified fitness app that boasts a Dick, Wang and Cocken on its staff roster, has just added a new intern to the team; sadly, his name is Kenny Yang, so dreams of building out a staff with names derived solely from penis synonyms have flown right out the window.

Mr. Yang did, however, score the position in a rather atypical way. In order to prove his devotion both to Fitocracy and the healthy lifestyle it promotes, Mr. Yang created a single-serving website called “Hire Kenny Yang,” complete with not one, not two, but six shirtless photos of himself. The photos illustrate Mr. Yang’s progression from 260-pound high school student to ripped-as-fuck “level 25 ninja.” Read More

Quantify Me

Status Chart, the Résumé Porn for Self-Quantifiers, Officially Beta-Launches Today

(Photo: Status Chart)

A few weeks ago, a piece of porn for self-quantifiers shot up to the top of Hacker News. It was created by NYC’s very own Chris Kennedy–a Betabeat poachable–and was intended to remix and remaster the traditional boring résumé layout. The Hacker News crowd went so crazy for Mr. Kennedy’s invention that he promised to launch a version for others to use as well.

Today, just two weeks after he publicized his own Status Chart, Mr. Kennedy and backend dev Richard Owens have opened up the platform to other engineers and designers. Read More