Boss (Photo: Instagram/BaddieBey

Hey, you. You with the expertise in "servers and enterprise class storage." What were you doing in 2011? If you're not currently adjusting the temperature on the official Beyoncé archive in Midtown Manhattan--button up that cardi, it gets chilly in there!--you did that entire year wrong.

As GQ magazine's recent cover story crowning Queen Bey "Miss Millenium" revealed, the sex on a some very-well-rounded sticks songstress is something of a total self-quantifying maniac:

There, across from the narrow conference room in which you are interviewing her, is another long, narrow room that contains the official Beyoncé archive, a temperature-controlled digital-storage facility that contains virtually every existing photograph of her, starting with the very first frames taken of Destiny's Child, the '90s girl group she once fronted; every interview she's ever done; every video of every show she's ever performed; every diary entry she's ever recorded while looking into the unblinking eye of her laptop.

A few days after the feature was posted, the Library Journal's Tumblr unearthed a job listing from the "I Need a Library Job" daily email circa 2011/your greatest dreams. The request for a technically-savvy digital archivist was sent out by Parkwood Entertainment, Beyoncé's management company. Apparently, some lucky Temple University students were also encouraged to apply.

Digital Archivist for Beyonce

Parkwood Entertainment

No location given- probably NYC

Parkwood Entertainment is seeking a digital archivist interested in organizing and building an archive for a major pop star (Beyonce) starting with approximately 130 TB of footage with an eye to expanding further in the future. Candidates should have experience with servers and enterprise class storage and be able to recommend hardware solutions. Looking for someone to start immediately, pay is negotiable.

Dammit, woman. You coulda been a contender.

Hello, Aria.

At some point in 2003, we walked into a Best Buy and walked out with a scale that measures our body fat percentage. But for the self-quantifiers among us, that kind of static measurement is woefully inadequate.

If you're the kind of human that likes to correlate your BMI to calories burned and access that intel from a dynamic graph on your smartphone for realtime self-flagellation™, then have we got the scale for you!

Yesterday, venture-backed Fitbit started shipping Aria, its long-awaited new Wifi-enabled smart scale that synchs up with the Fitbit Ultra, its wireless pedometer and stair tracker.

The whole thing practically screams:  I am ready for the Singularity, Ray Kurzweil!  

Like the $160 Withings scale, which Rick Webb once called "awwwwwwwwesome,"  Fitbit Aria measures your weight, body fat percentage, and BMI. Only instead of giving you the option of tweeting out that information or loading it up to the personal informatics site, it also lets you synch with your Fitbit for $30 less and access the data online or through an iOS / Android app.

As TechCrunch notes, "These readings help you understand your current health status and remind you, ceaselessly and without mercy, of your – well, my – failures as a biological entity." After this, you should be fully optimized on shaming technologies. But let us know if you need help setting up an Ifttt so everyone on the street laughs at you when you walk into a Shake Shack.