Maybe tone it down just a tad.

Looks like we've got a real barn-burner on our hands!

For months, hedge funder Chris Hansen and Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer have worked to relocate the Sacramento Kings to Seattle, which has been NBA-less for five years. Their plan: to make the owners, the Maloofs, an offer they can't refuse.  But the mayor of Sacramento--who happens to be former NBA star Kevin Johnson--doesn't want the team going anywhere. He's rounded up rival techies who might buy from the Maloofs and prepared a big bushel of subsidies for them. Last month, the league rejected the Seattle group's request to move the team.

And so here we are, at loggerheads and due for another NBA meeting today. But Steve Ballmer doesn't do gridlock. A source tells NBC Sports:

“He’s on a rampage,” said one source. “He assumed he could backdoor Sacramento with a willing partner in the Maloofs, but he underestimated Sacramento and now he thinks he can twist enough arms around the league to force his way into the association.”

Unfortunately, that approach is not making Mr. Ballmer any friends in the NBA:

According to league sources speaking to PBT under condition of anonymity, the recent power plays made by Seattle and the Maloof family have “started to weigh on the NBA to the point where any Ballmer-led proposal now or in the future could fall on deaf ears if he doesn’t change course.”

Another source is even more blunt: “Ballmer is playing a game of Russian Roulette with SEA’s NBA future. He can’t throw money at the problem like this is Microsoft.”

But how can you blame the man, when he sees his future as an NBA cheerleader slipping from his grasp?

Scary drone. (Photo: Flickr/Don McCullough)

A Seattle man ascended to a new level of creepiness recently when he flew a drone just a “few feet away” from a family’s home and defended his right to do so because he was flying it in the air, and thus not trespassing. He also claimed it was for research. The camera-equipped device emitted a loud noise, similar to that of a weed-whacker, which caught the attention of a woman inside.

She told Capitol Hill Seattle Blog that she saw the man on the sidewalk controlling the device near a third-story window in the eastern neighborhood. Her husband approached the man, who was standing on the sidewalk, and told him to desist from being creepy. The man told him that he was doing "research" and the camera was transmitting the images to his glasses. They called the police, but they didn't show up since Inspector Gadget had already left.

"We are extremely concerned, as he could very easily be a criminal who plans to break into our house or a peeping-tom," the wife told the hyperlocal blog.

Although this ordeal was undoubtedly suspicious, harrowing, and a breach of privacy, the man might've hovered his way into a legal gray area. As pointed out by the Atlantic, a 1946 Supreme Court ruling declared that the "air is a public highway." But does that law extend to current day situations, like crazy people flying drones around? Well, that's unclear since the details of the case (i.e. type of drone, how was it flown, where was the man exactly standing) are unclear.

The Atlantic adds:

As for the privacy concerns, one of the most important questions is what was being photographed. "If the camera on the drone was always aimed at the public street," writes John Villasenor, a law expert, "then that's very different than if it was capturing images into the home through the window."

Regardless of the current laws, can't we just be decent human beings and spy on our neighbors the old-fashioned way by hiding in the bushes?

(Photo: Giant Bomb)

Sad news out of the Pacific Northwest today: Geekwire reports that Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer almost had his beautiful vacation home destroyed by a rampant mudslide. Why do bad things always happen to good people?

The house, situated on Whidbey Island off the coast of Washington, narrowly avoided being ravaged by the mudslide, which damaged one home and prompted evacuation of the entire neighborhood. Luckily, no one was injured.

Geekwire also notes Mr. Ballmer's yard played a role in a dramatic rescue. Workers had to drive over it in an ATV in order to save a man stranded by roads taken out by the mudslide.

He's basically a hero now. Proud of you, Steve-o.

Y'all don't know me.

Ever since news broke that Microsoft CEO Steve "Sweaty" Ballmer is part of an investment group working on buying Seattle its very own NBA team, the high profile tech company has been forced to fend off angry Sacramento Kings fans who blame it for the loss of their beloved franchise.

Mr. Ballmer and his co-investors want desperately to buy the Kings and convert them into the Seattle Sonics, because even with all the rain, Seattle is still less depressing than Sacramento. Though Mr. Ballmer has not yet convinced his fellow investors to name the team the Ballmer Ballers, Kings fans are still directing their ire at Microsoft, which they believe has some sort of say in the deal.

In fact, Sacramento was so angry about losing their basketball team that a local politician wrote a letter blasting Mr. Ballmer's decision to rob the state of a profitable, job-creating franchise. Now, according to Geekwire, Microsoft has been forced to issue its own statement pointing out that hey, actually Mr. Ballmer is doing this one all on his own.

"The effort to build a new professional sports arena in Seattle was initiated and is led by San Francisco-based developer, Chris Hansen, who has announced a number of investors, including Steve Ballmer," reads the statement. "Microsoft Corporation is not involved in the effort."

The company added, "Na na na na na."

Yeehaw! (GIF by Chris Kennedy)

Looks like Steve Ballmer and several other basketball-loving local investors led by Chris Hansen are going to get their wish, in the form of an NBA team they can relocate to Seattle. ESPN is reporting that the Sacramento Kings' current owners have agreed to sell, and NBA sources tell Yahoo Sports they'll approve the relocation.

In honor of the increasingly likely return of the NBA to Seattle courtesy of Mr. Ballmer and his fellow investors, we bring you this year-old video of the man himself playing basketball against some kids, because why not?

Here's to many future photos of Steve-o posing with comically tall athletes grudgingly humoring their bumbling corporate overlord.

(h/t Geekwire)

KINGS KINGS KINGS

It's been a good week for fans of Steve Ballmer. First came his unexpected appearance at CES, barreling onstage like a dorky linebacker. And today, GeekWire reports that he and other investors are nearing a deal that'll bring NBA basketball back to Seattle.

Everyone point your pointer fingers up in the air and wave 'em around! (That's the Ballmer dance.)

The town has, of course, been without a pro basketball team since Starbucks founder Howard Schultz rid himself of the Sonics.

Word comes via Yahoo sports reporter Adrian Wojnarowski, who was tweeting earlier today that local investors led by Chris Hansen (the beer-buying hedge funder, not the predator catcher) are planning to purchase and relocate the Sacramento Kings. Mr. Ballmer, formerly a Sonics fan, is a member of the group. No word whether he's attempting to get the team renamed DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS.

The deal could still fall apart, as there are a number of hurdles to clear. A local news station says the Kings' owners have already turned down the offer. But Betabeat refuses to give up hope on Mr. Ballmer's second career as an NBA cheerleader. We believe in you, Steve!

(Screencap: YouTube)

After a particularly rigorous code review or boring business meeting, who among us hasn't considered just quitting our day jobs and drifting into the drug trade? Turns out even Microsoft employees are not immune to this hazy daydream. Seattle TV station KIRO TV reports that former Microsoft executive Jamen Shively has decided to forgo his career in tech in order to start a premium pot business.

Mr. Shively, who worked as a corporate strategy manager for Microsoft from 2003-2009, told KIRO TV that the idea came to him the way many great ideas do: on the wave of a few voluminous bong rips.

Starting on December 6th, it will be legal for Washington residents over 21 to possess marijuana and Mr. Shively plans to capitalize on this new law by manufacturing some dank ass buds. "By creating the category of premium marijuana, we want to position it similar to a fine cognac, a fine brandy, a fine cigar," Mr. Shively told KIRO TV. "Something to be savored and enjoyed in small quantities by responsible adults."

Mr. Shively, it seems, has a long family history of championing cannabis. His great-grandfather is Diego Pellicer, a Spaniard who was the 19th century's biggest weed dealer. "I have marijuana in my blood, so to speak," he smirked.

Perhaps Mr. Shively can convince his ex-boss Steve Ballmer that a little joint now and then might help his public speaking.

(h/t Geekwire)

Sam Herbert, HackStars Patient Zero

No one can say TechStars isn't doing its part to close the geek gap. In a nod to the considerable odds stacked up against applicants for the TechStars startup accelerator program (New York City contenders, for example,  have been narrowed down from 1,000 to 30—and that's before the next round of cuts), TechStars is expanding an ancillary program for those who didn't make the grade. HackStars, which is already in place in New York and Boulder, has just launched at the TechStars  Seattle outpost. HackStars developers and designers get the same stipend ($6,000) given to TechStars co-founders. But rather than work on their own startups, they "hack" into the TechStars roster--helping code other people's projects with the possibility of a job.

Why is this good for New York?

Well, by giving these "wantrepreneurs" (startup junkies without the right idea . . . yet) access to fledgling TechStars companies, it offers the chance for a cross-pollination of talent. Take Sam Herbert, a young software developer and would-be entrepreneur who inadvertently became the HackStars program's patient zero. When Mr. Herbert missed being a finalist at TechStars in Boulder, founder David Cohen gave him a small stipend and let him flit around the accelerator's ecosystem to see where he might fit. Within a couple weeks, Mr. Herbert left Boulder and ended up with a co-founder's title with ADstruc, a New York City-based outdoor advertising startup. Now he's tweeting to folks from OnSwipe, another TechStars' alum, about the danger of a new Del Toro opening up in the West Village.  Something tells us he's gonna fit right in.