The bane of everyone's existence, to the rescue. (Photo: Loughborough University Library)

Hey you there, in the cardigan with the exhausted slump to your shoulders. Are you sick and tired of painstakingly grading 900 hand-scrawled answers at a go?

Well, here comes technology to your rescue. Popular Science reports that Xerox is planning to debut new software that would let printer-copier-scanners act as an automatic grader. Better living (for overworked teachers) through artificial intelligence!

Pop Sci says:

"Teachers would be able to send pages of printed tests with handwritten answers into the machines and get grades back. While it grades, the machine keeps track of which students do poorly on which questions, so it is able to tell teachers who's struggling, and with what concepts."

Of course, if these photocopiers are anything like the paper-jam-plagued monstrosity that sat in the teacher's lounge of my high school, anyone who uses this thing will just be trading grading for a new task: constantly fixing the photocopier.

Teen bait. (Photo: Wikipedia)

While we were all losing our shit about teens sexting on Snapchat, those sneaky creatures moved on to a new terrifying trend.  A CBS 2 I-Team investigation breathlessly reported that the newest “growing and disturbing” trend is huffing flowers to get high, and it's ruining more lives than Selena Gomez.

Teens are seeking out flowers in the Datura plant family, which at least means they're paying attention in biology. Because they're FLOWERS, the plants are readily available and--when sniffed--ignite a feeling of hallucination that can last for days. Other spooky side effects include paranoia, vomiting and heart palpitations. (Frankly that sounds our lot like prom night.)

But CBS 2 deserves a purple medal for talking to some teens, who wished to remain anonymous so they're not kicked off the swim team or whatever. One said that he “actually thought” he was going blind, and another scarred user said the sensation lasted for hours, even though it sounds like his mom gave him too much NyQuil:

“My trip lasted over 30 hours. You really can’t tell the difference between what’s real and what’s a dream,” another user explained.

Thousands of people a year are hospitalized from getting high from Datura plants.

At least no one has been hurt from Snapchatting.

(H/T Gothamist)

(Photo: flickr.com/thefuturistics)

The next time you catch a person across from you on the subway digging for nose treasure, consider this: a professor at the University of Saskatchewan believes there may actually be some legitimate health benefits to consuming your own boogers.

In what could be a life-changing academic pursuit for both little kids and unhygienic grownups, biochemistry professor Scott Napper intends to get his students excited about the wonderful world of science by launching an in-depth investigation into the effects of picking your nose and eating it. Professor Napper argues that because nasal mucus traps germs, you may actually be helping improve your immune system by purposefully consuming those little morsels.

According to The Canadian Press, Professor Napper is planning a study where he attaches a molecule to the noses of a group of people, then has half of them pick and half of them abstain in order to determine the health benefits associated with boogers.

So, anybody want to pick their nose? Ya know...for science.

Teens need Tylenol (Photo: AceShowBiz)

Crippled by anxiety produced by the realization that, quite simply, your youth is fleeting? Paralyzed by your desire to sit in a dark room, chain smoking e-cigarettes and listening to Saves the Day on your first-gen iPod? Think the (emo) Skype emoticon really just gets you? Cheer up! Science has found a solution: just take a damn Tylenol.

According to CTV News, a recent study conducted by the University of British Columbia found that acetaminophen, the active ingredient found in Tylenol, can help quell anxiety and the "feelings that we get when we feel uncertain or we feel a lack of purpose or confused." Furthermore, Tylenol can help "block social rejection." You hear that, foreveralones?

Everyone at Thought Catalog take two Tylenol and call us in the morning.

(Photo: Tumblr)

Hangovers, amiright? Sometimes the only way to cure one is to have a greasy breakfast sandwich from the closest bodega, chased with some grade-A seltzer water and a mountain of regret. It seems strange that in a culture that glorifies alcohol as much as ours, we haven't yet discovered a foolproof way to get rid of the headache/pukey feeling a night of binge drinking can bring.

Science, for one, is fed up with this BS. NBC News reports that (possibly drunk) scientists are rising up and demanding we conduct more research on a hangover cure. The important stuff, ya know?

According to NBC, hangovers account for a $148 billion loss to American companies each year, which is mostly just kind of impressive. UCSD professor Alyson Mitchell argued at the American Chemical Society's annual meeting that doing more research on hangover cures could help save companies loads of cash every year.

”Hangovers are so common and prevalent in every society,” Ms. Mitchell told NBC. “[Yet] I found it to be almost shocking that there is so little real research done on hangovers.”

Think we can sic Bill Nye on this one?

(Photo: ICWP.co.uk)

So you think you're pretty smart, huh? Maybe you went to a good college, got a cushy tech job right after and are working to unleash your own product on to the world? That's cool, but did you discover an unknown prehistoric species at age 4? Didn't think so.

Daisy Morris, a 9 year old from the Isle of Wight, was taking a walk on the beach four years ago when she discovered some "blackened bones" sticking out of the sand. An amateur fossil hunter since she was 3, Ms. Morris took the bones home and studied them, before her family decided to turn them over to a professor at Southampton University. According to the BBC, "The fossil turned out to be a new genus and species of small pterosaur; a flying reptile from the Lower Cretaceous period."

The newly found flying reptile will be named "Vectidraco daisymorrisae," after Ms. Morris. How jealous is your 9-year-old self right now?

(Photo: QuickMeme)

Last time scientists were bragging about their search for the Higgs Boson (aka the God particle), Internet users did the only thing they knew how and created memes of questionable humor (dat mass). We may soon be facing a repeated onslaught of nerdy science memes with the news that scientists claim to have definitively discovered the God particle--like, for real this time, guys.

Scientists at the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) who have been working with the Large Hadron Collider announced today at a conference in Geneva that they have definitely found the God particle--they're just not sure which God particle, okay?

"The preliminary results with the full 2012 data set are magnificent and to me it is clear that we are dealing with a Higgs boson, though we still have a long way to go to know what kind of Higgs boson it is," CMS spokesperson Joe Incandela said.

According to Mashable, the Higgs Boson "gives mass to elementary objects, meaning that its existence helps explain the existence of virtually everything else." If that's the case, why hasn't it explained why Google is taking away Reader?

Robot surgeons are generally less sexy than regular surgeons. (Photo: Wikipedia)

Robots are frequently relied on in the medical community to perform complex, invasive surgeries that require a dexterous touch. But like any person (or thing!) with a medical degree, robots are now become the target of lawsuits launched by their former patients.

Bad Robot Surgery is a place for people who have had surgery performed by a Da Vinci Robot to congregate. The Da Vinci is designed to use a minimally invasive procedure to perform minor procedures like hysterectomies or cardiac valve repair. But just because the human error factor is nonexistent doesn't mean you're in the clear. Dr. Francois Blaudeau is an Alabama-based lawyer (with a medical degree!) who is fighting for the rights of victims of robot surgery.

"We are committed to helping victims of robot surgery receive the medical care and compensation they deserve," reads the site. "Additionally, we are committed to educating patients and doctors throughout the nation about the complications associated with robot surgery."

A recent study in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that robot surgery is not more or less dangerous than that performed by human surgeons, but it can take longer and be more expensive. But let's not say anything we regret and anger the robots...

(Photo: Alley Cat Allies)

A group of cats rights activists are decidedly not amused by the recent backlash against the Internet's favorite mascot. Last week, the New York Times ran a story called "That Cuddly Kitty Is Deadlier Than You Think" based on a Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute report, which set off a firestorm of “Cats are killers!” stories--angering cat ladies everywhere.

Cat advocates refuse to stand for this breed of anti-cat propaganda, and they intend to do something about. In a newsletter sent out by the Maryland-based cat charity Alley Cat Allies, the Times and its ilk are taken to task for publishing "junk science" that was "authored by researchers with an anti-cat track record." They maaaaad, bro.

Alley Cat Allies relies on a system called “Trap-Neuter-Return," which they say has lead to a reduced number of feral cats being trapped and sent to kill shelters. The group claims the recent stories decrying murderous felines are based on "biased research that could lead to more outdoor cats being rounded up and killed." They also claim the study cites a researcher who was "convicted and fired for trying to poison cats." Yikes.

"We cannot stand for cats to be scapegoats," reads the outraged newsletter, which directs readers to a link where they can sign a petition asking the Smithsonian to disavow the study. Hey now, let's not bring the goat lobby into this.

(Screenshot: YouTube)

Gone are the days when science projects consisted of paper mache volcanoes, baking soda and vinegar. Now, budding young scientists are putting your space diorama to shame by actually launching things into space. Kids these days, smh.

CBS News reports that a trio of young ladies at Cornerstone Christian School decided to marry their love of science with their Hello Kitty obsession. So, for their 7th grade science project, they created a homemade rocket, placed a Hello Kitty doll inside, and launched it into space using a home weather balloon kit.

Titled "The effects of altitude on air pressure and temperature," the little geniuses then attached a GoPro camera to the weather balloon so they could film Hello Kitty adorably making her way through space. Bon voyage, little kitty!

(h/t Gizmodiva)