Really, though?

The entertainment business has gotten wind of this whole startup thing and now there's no getting rid of them. The latest attempt to cash in: a work-in-progress called "Alley Girls," which is "a new series about women working and building companies in Silicon Alley." Valleywag reports the project is currently seeking interviewees for a sizzle reel in the making, shooting next Thursday at the offices of Inc. and Fast Company.

But the creators (including Left Brain/Right Brain Productions) insist this isn't anything like that Bravo travesty which shall remain nameless. No, they'd have us believe this is really more of a documentary project. 

Teresa Bigelow of VSCPR wrote in the email call for interviewees (published by Valleywag) that, "As I mentioned this is not a reality show, and this is not a casting call. This is because my team and I have plans to produce a smart, entertaining and informative show about amazing women doing amazing things."

Right. Their stated goal is pretty high-minded, though, and it's one we can't really take issue with:

"The high-level purpose of the series is to chip away at the subconscious perceptions that still exist in many of our girls, women and just as importantly, boys and young men across the nation – that is, the misleading notion that females are not leaders nor are they capable of maintaining the same entrepreneurial backbone as their male peers."

Lean in, baby!

But that name sets off some serious warning bells, as it sounds a little too lifecaster-y for Betabeat's tastes. Can you imagine someone like Adafruit's Limor Fried or even Marissa Mayer calling herself an "alley girl"? Compare that to PBS's take on the topic, which they gave the far more dignified name "Makers." This sounds dangerously like the kind of project that stars "social media gurus" who spend more time tweeting (or, you know, appearing on television shows) than actually building their companies.

Plus, the creators are in kind of a bind, here: It's narcissistic lunatics who make the best television, but this is supposed to be upbeat boosterism, which all too often ends up either boring or obnoxious. Pick your poison, ladies.

Season 1 . . . Episode 2 . . . no end in sight . . . I’m not sure how much more I can take.

Now that the dust has settled from the PR, subsequent Valley backlash, promos, more backlash, and last week’s premiere, we actually get to see what we have here with Bravo’s "Start-Ups: Silicon Valley." Basically, it's formulaic reality show.

The genre's hooks and tricks are well established, they just happen to be filmed in Silicon Valley with cast members that are, well, made for TV. I think for many here, there was still some hope that the show would offer a national audience an insider's look into the motion and the madness in which the Valley operates. Not so much.

Back in 2001, there was a great startup documentary called "Startup.com." It would have been such a worthwhile endeavor if the producers aspired to create something like that. Instead we’re left with what venture capitalist Ron Palmeri of MkII Ventures calls, “The Housewives of Silicon Valley.”

However, I will say these characters are kind of lovable. (Emphasis on “kind of.”) I even tried to make fun of Sarah Austin on Twitter, but I don’t think she got the joke:

@spencerchen @p_kassie hahahaha no she's the one who meets me in the morning and brings hot coffee lol#siliconvalley

— Sarah Austin (@sarahaustin) November 13, 2012

(Noteworthy here is that whatever was written about the Valley’s disdain towards the cast members was misguided. It’s the idea of a startup reality show that Valley folks disliked, not the people involved.)

Anyways, enough about what could have been and more about that Sony Vaio.

Recap: Ben Way and Hermione Way return to The Villa dejected after being turned down by VC Dave McClure. They start screaming. Um, okay. Kim Taylor is pissing and moaning about work because she’s been there for two years and the cofounder is thinking about bringing in someone more senior to handle sales. This is her first startup job after being a NBA cheerleader, so you know, why wouldn’t she be considered for the Chief Revenue Officer role? Sarah is talking about “Lifecasting” again. I don’t even… oh hey, pool party! David Murray made an “Oedipus” reference to siblings Ben and Hermione during the pool party. Awk!

Friends of the cast finally get some airtime here. I guess all that hard work lingering around the cast members finally paid off! Sarah hosts some VC pitch event. She’s wearing a cute, burgundy dress . . . her tan looks awesome? Totes. Hermione vists Sarah at the Four Seasons to extend an olive branch in the shape of a homemade tiara. Sarah dismisses the hope that she and Hermione will be friends anytime soon. Whatevs. David and new hottie Jay Holanda go play in the park together. Ben and Hermione pitch Jeff Clavier of SoftTech VC. Denied! Hermione elects not to sleep underneath the VC’s conference table this time. Smart girl, she’s learning! David and new hottie Jay play Magic and do some brogrammer bonding. Sarah and Jay go on a date, but Sarah ruins it by ‘lifecasting’ it. The end.

How Real? Once again, giving the show the benefit of the doubt we’ll start them off at 100% real Silicon Valley. Last week the show scored a respectable 60% real Valley. Let’s see how they do this week . . .

Getting Rejected By VCs - 10%

After VC Dave McClure shot down their first pitch, Hermione slumps back to The Villa physically tired and emotionally exhausted. There’s quite a bit of drama’ing it up here. Getting rejected, especially at the seed rounds, is quite common for first-time founders. While the constant rejection can take a horrible toll on your ego and self-confidence, founders in the Valley tend to have thicker skin. Being better prepared helps. They certainly don’t scream from the Villatop every time a VC says no. I know one founder that pitched 50 Valley VCs before getting funded. I didn’t even know there were 50 VCs in the Valley.

Lifecasting -30%

Kassandra, Sarah’s assistant, asks Sarah if she’s going to Lifecast her date with Jay. Sarah responds that she’s going to because it’s the way for her audience to get to know the ‘real’ Sarah Austin. At this point, I feel it’s my moral obligation to educate the world that we in the Valley have no idea what the hell she is talking about. I’m pretty sure that Sarah means she tweets and Instagrams. If so, yeah, we do do that.

The Pool Scene at the Four Seasons - 20%

I don’t know where to start. There’s a poodle, spray tans, pretty flowers, and a lengthy conversation about feelings and being BFFs. No. No. No! Whatever free time startup people have (and it’s very little) are spent grabbing a quick meal, a few Fernets, and being generally exhausted. We don’t have enough time to have feelings here in the Valley. 

Sony VAIO -10%

Ben is seen pitching Jeff Clavier with a Sony VAIO. I’ve heard of these things and I’ve seen them on BestBuy’s site before. I’ve just never seen one in the wild here in the Valley. The Valley is MacBook Air country or if you’re a designer or developer, you’re on a MacBook Pro. Maybe it’s a product placement deal?

Tweeting About Your Date -20%

Sarah meets Jay at his place for their long-awaited date and she starts secretly live tweeting the big event. Here’s another thing that Valley types just don’t do. Between Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, Socialcam, Tumblr, etc…there’s already an abundance of sharing for the tech set throughout the working day. If there’s one last bastion of privacy that we all hold dear, it’s with our love lives. At the most, we make those posts #PathOnly (yes, that’s actually a thing).

Zzzzz

For episode 2, we get a final score of 10% real Silicon Valley. Worse is that the Valley’s interest in this show is sliding like Groupon stock. It just has not been that entertaining. It neither gives you enough of real startup life, nor is it an entertaining reality show. For anecdotal evidence, take a look at the photo I snapped of my girlfriend Amy White during the show. She heads up marketing for Highland Capital Partners and loves Jersey Shore. If Bravo’s Silicon Valley can’t capture her interest, I’m not holding out hope for the rest of the season.

Spencer Chen is head of partnerships at @appcelerator (and Betabeat’s 86th most entertaining Tech Twitterer!) Follow him@SpencerChen.

(Photo: Instagram/Ben Leventhal)

Bjorking Your Bachelor Party As a sign of just how many bachelor parties an up-and-coming venture bro is obligated to attend, during a recent PandoMonthly panel, Thrillist Ben Lerer said if he had to pick a totally ordinary superpower, it would be making sure his wife was cool with him going to bachelor parties. (To be fair, it took him a long time to come up with it, so it might not be that high on his list.) Hopefully his better half was understanding about a recent trip Mr. Lerer took to Iceland celebrate the end of singledom for Spark Capital's Mo Koyfman.

The recently promoted general partner invited a number of other techies for the festivities, including Eater.com cofounder Ben Leventhal and what looks an awful lot like Jakob Lodwick and Ricky Van Veen, who Mr. Koyfman would know from his days as an IAC executive "adult supervising" College Humor. Definitely present? Author and MSNBC cohost Touré! Mr. Koyfman tested hashtags for Instagramming his international excursion, trying out #koyfops before settling on #icemomo, although NYC yoga instructor Heather Lilleston also suggested #mochella.

Mr. Koyfman is engaged to Hilary Rosenman, CEO and founder at the shoe line Madison Harding. Ms. Rosenman is a graduate of the Upper East Side's prestigious Nightingale School, where she went with fellow fashion designer Charlotte Ronson. Her entrepreneurial exploits have been documented by no less than investor Joanne Wilson, better known as Gotham Gal.

Wait, when did this become the Vows section?

The New Rock Stars Bravo released an extended trailer for its upcoming, widely-panned new series Start-ups: Silicon Valley. In one scene, sibling stars Ben and Hermione Way are seen sitting at a conference table across from a slew of investors. Connie Loizos, a reporter for PEHub, confirmed their identities via Twitter: the two of the men in the scene are Noah Doyle and Jed Katz of Javelin Venture Partners. "just realizing the puzzled-looking investors in this clip are noah doyle and jed katz of javelin ventures," she tweeted. "poor guys."

(Screenshot: Bravo)

We can only hope that they weren't there to make friends.

Cultural Literacy Speaking of Startups: Silicon Valley, sounds like not every citizen of techlandia plans on boycotting and/or furiously protesting the controversial new show. Earlier this week, Google director of project management Hunter Walk confessed that he's "Been invited to 2x more viewing parties for Bravo's Silicon Valley show than for presidential debates." Dire portent of America's decline, or revealing statement regarding startup self-involvement?

Only the wild-eyed witches of the Real Housewives franchise are qualified to answer, and they're not talking.

xoxo, Gossip Girl Since we still haven't found the time to download Spotify onto our work computer, we've been saddled with that old music standby: Pandora. This week we noticed that the typical background, which is usually dark blue with lighter blue bubbles, was replaced by a large photo of Pandora founder Tim Westergren. "Hmm, he looks familiar," we thought. "Where have we seen him before?"

(Photo: Pandora)

Turns out we had seen him in the deliciously trashy teen drama Gossip Girl--well, kind of. Mr. Westergren looks remarkably similar to Rufus Humphrey, father to Jenny and Dan Humphrey and portrayed by Matthew Settle on the scandalous show.

(Photo: NYMag)

The last time we spotted Mr. Settle in Startupland was with Brew PR cofounder Brooke Hammerling at the Gizmodo "First Comes the Dream" event.

If that whole Pandora thing doesn't quite pan out, we suppose Mr. Westergren can always play a Rufus Humphrey stand-in.

Mayor of Mindshare: How ubiquitous is Foursquare? What happens in the hinterlands is anyone's guess, but the company certainly seems to have New York City on lock. The latest evidence is this snapshot, recently tweeted by Google trendspotter Caroline McCarthy:

Been there!

As Ms. McCarthy points out, context is implicitly assumed to be unnecessary. And we must say, as insider-y local advertising goes, it's far more charming than the tired, am-I-right politicking of Manhattan Mini Storage.

@Emrboidery  How seriously do you take the consistency of your social media branding? Probably not as seriously as Sincerely community manager and noted Instagrammer Doctor Popular. As revealed by this dispatch from Laughing Squid ringleader Scott Beale, the good doctor has his twitter handle--@docpop--embroidered on the inside of his suit jacket:

Sporty!

Hey, there are probably worse ways to get an abandoned item of clothing back.

As always: Overheard a juicy tidbit about impending departures or imminent acquisitions? Dying to dish about startup blunders or frothy financing? Holler at your girls: tips@betabeat.com

(Photo: Bravo)

Much ado has been made about Randi Zuckerberg's foray into reality television with Bravo's new series Silicon Valley. The show will follow the lives of a handful of fresh-faced founders as they struggle to get their budding startups off the ground from an outrageously gorgeous "villa" nestled in the San Francisco hills.

Today, The New York Times ran a new piece about the show, chronicling the self-righteous reactions Valley types have when Hollywood cameras burst onto their hallowed ground. There's nothing new about this tsk-tsking: Area bloggers have long since clutched their pearls and baby-faced tech wunderkinds have already tweeted their disgust ("Yuck, please stay in LA"). But the piece does boast some juicy quotes that have us thinking Silicon Valley will be all that we've eagerly anticipated and much, much more.

Take some choice quotes from Ben Way, one half of the British brother-sister duo building a fitness app:

“The thing about Silicon Valley is it forgives failure — but not as many times as we’ve failed.”

“I can’t believe how many entrepreneurs commit suicide.”

“Last night, there were like four of my ex-girlfriends in the house — and I’ve only been here a year.”

And this dig from the feisty Kim Taylor, a Chicago-an who's working on a fashion startup:

One line, delivered by Ms. Taylor, seemed to provoke special ire: “Silicon Valley is high school, but it’s only the smart kids and everyone has a lot of money.” (Later, she qualified her remarks on Twitter. “Apologies that I said Silicon Valley was like high school. I meant middle school.”)

And yet, while it's these glossy-haired star chasers that will turn the show into Bravo gold, it's a restauranteur who seems to know the real Valley best:

 “We’re so bland,” said Jamis MacNiven, whose restaurant Buck’s is a popular valley gathering point. “People spend their weekends taking out last year’s incredibly energy-efficient bulb and screwing in this year’s even more energy-efficient bulb. No one ever dresses up except at the Burning Man festival, where they take off their clothes.”

Thank God no one at Bravo thinks like Mr. MacNiven.

The Chasing UFOs team. (Photo: National Geographic)

It's one thing to fake intergalactic advertising like the hoaxsters at Rolling Rock did back in 2008 with moonvertising, but actually carrying through with the plan is a whole other thing entirely. When the National Geographic channel heard about Tweets in Space, a program spearheaded by two artists who plan to beam tweets to planet GJ667Cc, they decided to jump on the bandwagon. But, of course, it's not all in the name of science.

The Daily Dot reports that National Geographic has teamed up with Tweets in Space to transmit tweets with the hashtag #ChasingUFOs to promote its new show called--yes--Chasing UFOs.

Writes The Daily Dot:

Any tweets tagged #ChasingUFOs that are sent in the seven hours after 8pm ET on June 29 will be rolled into National Geographic’s transmission. The nonprofit is sending the tweets in response to the Wow! Signal, a 72-second transmission from space picked up by Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence (SETI) in 1977. National Geographic is also sending several video messages from filmmakers, musicians and scientists among others.

Somehow this isn't at all how we imagined first contact would go.

Ms. Lacy (flickr.com/drbeachvacation)

Well, well. It appears that Silicon Valley hater Sarah Lacy may have other reasons to despise the new Bravo show, aside from it is going to destroy the very fabric upon which this holy tech society was built. The reason? According to Gawker, Ms. Lacy was shopping around for a reality show of her own.

Last week, Ms. Lacy wrote a now infamous screed against Facebook sibling Randi Zuckerberg's newest venture, a delightfully trashy Bravo reality show featuring lines like "Being a geek is like being the new rock stars." In her post, Ms. Lacy wondered, "How on earth can Randi Zuckerberg — who knows how one frame of film will be taken as gospel over a thousand books, blog posts, or real interviews — sleep at night?"

We gave Ms. Lacy a hard time for apparently thinking reality TV is real, but it turns out her disgust for Silicon Valley may stem from elsewhere: mainly, the fact that she, too, wanted a reality show. According to Gawker:

It was described to us as a competition that would pit tech startup against tech startup, all in front of the cameras, and all as part of a sort of roving tech-money circus that would end with a final champion round in the very serious, soulful, not-at-all-sold-out city of Las Vegas, Nevada.

Verrrry interesting.

It's worth nothing that Gawker only says they were "reliably informed" on that tidbit of information, without expanding further. We reached out to Ms. Lacy for comment but did not immediately receive a response. We'll be sure to update if we hear anything.

My role as Executive Producer in this series is akin to a startup bringing on an advisor with a big title. Entrepreneurs bring on advisors in the early stage of a startup, because those advisors either help strategically or open doors that otherwise would have been closed to the entrepreneur. In this case, you won't see me ON camera and I'm not shooting, directing or editing the show. Similarly, you wouldn't see an advisor running operations or coding the site for a startup. The show has long been in development with very little input from anyone in Silicon Valley. By signing on, I hope to bring a lot of value by advising on how to best capture the spirit of technology and entrepreneurship throughout production.

Ms. Zuckerberg also wrote that she understood "there will be skepticism and detractors," but her show "comes at an important time."  She went on to say that in our weak economy "it's really positive that mainstream media is celebrating the entrepreneurial spirit" by portraying those delving into innovation. Shows like this could be "'aspirational,'" for viewers, according to Ms. Zuckerberg.

She also believes this and other projects under development at her R to Z Media can "humanize the increasingly important tech community for the average consumer who does not speak in 1s and 0s."

Ms. Zuckerberg essentially believes her position with the project should legitimize it to critics:

By signing on, I hope to bring a lot of value by advising on how to best capture the spirit of technology and entrepreneurship throughout production.

Good luck, Ms. Zuckerberg, though you likely won't need that. As the viewing public knows, reality TV has always been focused on humanizing and capturing the spirits of its subjects, like the haunted Ghost Hunter or soulful Dance Mom.

Ms. Zuckerberg and Ms. Lacy (flickr.com/michaelarrington)

From the steps of the moral high ground of Mt. PandoDaily comes a mighty proclamation: tech industry champion and PandoDaily founder Sarah Lacy is horrified that famous Facebook sibling Randi Zuckerberg has decided to do a reality show.

"I believe what Randi Zuckerberg has done to Silicon Valley in producing this TV show for Bravo is just unconscionable," said Ms. Lacy, who has been known to be somewhat of a fameball herself. "I keep hoping to hear from her publicly that Bravo just utterly twisted her vision. Unfortunately, I’ve only seen her retweeting about it with glee and winky-faces and triple exclamation points."

Guys, Silicon Valley is a really serious place where we do serious stuff like ride in fancy private planes and wait for hours in line to snag Apple products and generate earnest startup mashups. How dare Ms. Zuckerberg sully the Valley's hardworking reputation with her Jersey Shore take on the precious tech lifestyle? It's goddamn insulting.

Except, not really. For a little perspective: we're talking about a reality show on Bravo, a genre that has never (not once!) inspired viewers to comment: “What an accurate and balanced documentary portrait! I now have holistic insight into everything that subject is about.”

We fear that Ms. Lacy, whose own ethically murky disclosures are apparently not a threat to the Valley's integrity, may have mounted that ol' high horse for naught. Not so deep down we all know that Bravo shows are meant to be entertaining trainwrecks, not intensive studies in cultural anthropology. After all, did people poo-poo the culinary industry following Top Chef, or stop getting their hair cut after Tabatha Takes Over? It's not Silicon Valley that's in danger of losing its credibility, it's the actors and the producers involved with the show--and it's going to be amazingly entertaining to watch.

Frankly, here at Betabeat, we can't wait to break out the popcorn and watch all the drama unfold. Now who wants to make bets on which cast member will be the first to say, "I'm not here to make friends?"