The good old days. (Photo: TopTenz.net)

One unexpected result of Eric Schmidt's bizarre mission to North Korea? The Google chairman has apparently paved the way for "basketball diplomacy" between our two nations. The AP reports that former Chicago Bulls player and Carmen Electra ex Dennis Rodman is visiting Pyongyang with a Vice documentary crew. Let's hope Vice remembers to scrub the metadata from any sensitive photos this time.

Google Maps entry for North Korea, before and after

Shortly after Google Chairman Eric Schmidt returned from his much-ballyhooed trip to North Korea, his daughter and traveling companion Sophie published an extended diary of the adventure, revealing, among other things, that her father's response to staying in a bugged hotel room was simply to leave his door opened wide.

At the time, that sounded like so much useless indignation, but—ho ho!—may actually have represented an effective bit of trade craft.

For while Mr. Schmidt was touring the country's universities, delivering stern warnings on the danger of North Korea's virtual isolation and providing a platform for former New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson's perpetual cravat, Google's engineers were apparently working on a little Pyongyang surprise.

Not two weeks after Mr. Schmidt and entourage returned home from North Korea, Google unveiled a highly detailed map of the isolated nation, labeling everything from "Pyongyang’s subway stops to the country’s several city-sized gulags, as well as its monuments, hotels, hospitals and department stores."

For its part, Google is playing it close to the vest, declaring in a blog post yesterday that its new North Korean map was the result of years-long toil by volunteer cartographers:

To build this map, a community of citizen cartographers came together in Google Map Maker to make their contributions such as adding road names and points of interest. This effort has been active in Map Maker for a few years and today the new map of North Korea is ready and now available on Google Maps.

And the Washington Post reports that much of the new information was publicly available on the Internet.

Still, we can't help reading into the timing of the map's release, nor imagining Mr. Schmidt pulling an updated Ferris Bueller on North Korean officials, rigging a snoring mechanical body double in his "luxury socialist guesthouse," meanwhile sleuthing around the Pyongyang night, notating restaurants, public transportation hubs and his favorite monuments to the various Kim Jongs.

Ms. Schmidt, far right. (Photo: AP/Andy Wong)

Don't get us wrong, Google executive chairman Eric Schmidt. Your trip to North Korea has been a blast--the highlight of our year, really. Remember that time those Kim Il-sung University students pretended they were allowed to google things just to impress you?! Or what about former Governor Bill Richardson's superfluous but omnipresent cravat?

But now that you're free from the Supreme Leader's distortion field, we have to say your tight-lipped travelogue pales in comparison to the candid, snark-laced account offered up by your daughter Sophie Schmidt.

Mr. Schmidt, who reportedly displayed "rock star"-like tendencies while promoting a free Internet in Pyongyang, posted an "edited" set of remarks on his Google+ account. Aside from suggesting that North Korea might want to turn on Internet capabilities for its only 3G network--so it can do more than SMS--it read like the prologue for his upcoming book, The New Digital Age, out April 23rd. Indeed, his fresh-faced co-author Jared Cohen also tagged along for the trip.

For some real talk on the excursion, please turn to Sophie Schmidt's version of events. Girl has a keen eye for the absurd:

On travel restrictions:

-"My favorite form. Do note #1 and #6: leave your "killing device" and "publishings of all kinds" at home. Got it."

-"My father's reaction to staying in a bugged luxury socialist guesthouse was to simply leave his door open."

On her handlers:

-"Our trip was a mixture of highly staged encounters, tightly-orchestrated viewings and what seemed like genuine human moments. We had zero interactions with non-state-approved North Koreans and were never far from our two minders (2, so one can mind the other)."

On relevant pop culture references:

-"My understanding is that North Koreans are taught to believe they are lucky to be in North Korea, so why would they ever want to leave? They're hostages in their own country, without any real consciousness of it. And the opacity of the country's inner workings--down to the basics of its economy--further serves to reinforce the state's control.

The best description we could come up with: it's like The Truman Show, at country scale."

On the locals:

"We were treated very well throughout the visit, even though official relations between the US and DPRK are 'very tense.' Ours was the first American delegation in over a year, and the North Koreans we met were unfailingly polite and engaging, even excited to meet with us (particularly Eric). How that squares with official NK agitprop that Americans are super-evil imperialist bastards is beyond me."

On Kim Il Sung University's "e-Library":

-". . . or as I like to call it, the e-Potemkin Village . . . Of all the stops we made, the e-Potemkin Village was among the more unsettling. We knew nothing about what we were seeing, even as it was in front of us. Were they really students? Did our handlers honestly think we bought it? Did they even care? Photo op and tour completed, maybe they dismantled the whole set and went home."

On the North Korean traffic girls of Pyongyang:

-"Not that we were allowed to talk to them, but riddle me this: How do you explain to someone that she's a YouTube sensation if she's never heard of the Internet?"

We haven't seen this much dry wit since her dad joked in 2010 that every person will automatically be entitled to change their name in order to put their sordid, Google-able and Facebook-ed youth behind them. A proto "sorry not sorry," if we ever heard one.

flickr.com/photos/haynes/

Right this very moment, Google chairman Eric Schmidt is on the ground in North Korea. Here's what we know about the trip so far. 

Let's start with the fact that Mr. Schmidt isn't exactly backpacking through the country on his own, crashing at hostels with rowdy Australians taking a gap year. Former New Mexico governor and diplomat Bill Richardson seems to be the ringleader for this little expedition, and the Verge says both Mr. Schmidt's daughter and his coauthor, Google exec Jared Cohen, are also tagging along on the trip.

It seems so far North Korea offers at least some of the comforts of home: AP reporter Jean Lee (who's accompanying them) tweeted earlier today, "TV showing 'Madagascar' ... and teaching North Koreans about phrases like 'the man' and 'blab it out.'"

That's about it thus far, but accounts online of visits to North Korea hint at what the group might be experiencing. Guides are likely sticking to them like glue, for example, and the whole experience is generally reported to feel surreal. Also, it's probably best to operate under the assumption that everything is bugged, all the time.

Even with the gang already several hours into their trip, it's still not entirely clear what exactly Mr. Schmidt is doing in the bosom of the world's most isolated country. We rather doubt it's because he just loves Kimjongilia and simply must have some clippings he can repot back in Mountain View.

In this AP video of the visitors disembarking from an Air China plane in Pyongyang, Mr. Schmidt just snaps "no interviews" then moves along. The more gregarious Mr. Richardson (wearing a pretty spiffy scarf) did explain that the trip is "a private humanitarian visit," and reports indicate the group will at least in part be attempting to secure the release of an American detainee.

But it's not clear whether this is wholly the purpose of the visit, or whether Mr. Schmidt has some other reason for being in North Korea. Google has said the visit is a "personal" one, but let's face it--Pyongyang isn't exactly on par with Panama City Beach in terms of vacation destinations.

Mr. Richardson explained a bit more about his reasons to AP reporters:

"This is not a Google trip, but I'm sure he's interested in some of the economic issues there, the social media aspect. So this is why we are teamed up on this," Richardson said without elaborating on what he meant by the "social media aspect."

There's not much happening in North Korea in terms of "the social media" aspect; the nation has its own intranet, and access to the Internet is, at the risk of understatement, quite limited.

Meanwhile, U.S. officials are still not very happy that Mr. Schmidt has had the nerve to go on any such trip. On Twitter, John McCain called the vacationers "useful idiots," borrowing Stalin's contemptuous nickname for Western sympathizers. (We suspect the senator isn't giving Mr. Schmidt enough Machiavellian credit.)

Whatever the motive behind Mr. Schmidt jaunt across the D.M.Z., he might want to be on the lookout for villainy, in the style of 30 Rock:

Seriously why isn't North Korea going to kidnap and ransom Eric Schmidt? Seems so straightforward to me.

— John Cook (@johnjcook) January 7, 2013

Or perhaps it's all a set-up on behalf of Liam Neeson?

plot idea for Taken3? @pcpro Google's Eric Schmidt arrives for North Korea(Early runner for Dad of the Year: he's taken his daughter)

— Tom Moore (@ratminer) January 7, 2013