(Photo: Maximum PC)

When not pissing off the cast of Star Trek: The Next Generation, Time Warner Cable execs apparently take to their evil lair to devise new schemes to wring every last penny out of their hapless customers. The latest pocket gouger? A monthly modem fee.

The New York Times reports that Time Warner is planning to charge a monthly fee of $3.95 to rent a modem from them. If you want to avoid paying the monthly fee, you can purchase a Time Warner-approved modem for $50-$137. Time Warner will then promise to set the modem up during the Harvest Moon but then not show up until the spring thaw.

The Times predicts that many users won't want to opt to change their plan and purchase their own modem, so the move could be a major cash cow for a company that has fewer Yelp stars than cannibal murderer Jeffrey Dahmer.

To be fair, many Internet companies (like Comcast) charge a modem rental fee, but other Internet companies did not have the gall to offend Sir Patrick Stewart. Might we suggest seeing if your building is eligible for Verizon Fios?

(Photo: Twitter)

Stars, they're just like us! When confronted with the monumental annoyance of having to install Time Warner cable in their apartment, they, too, resort to nihilistic thinking. Thus is the case with Sir Patrick Stewart, famed Shakespearean actor and Star Trek star, who recently moved to Park Slope.

We assume he doesn't live in a building equipped with Verizon Fios, because the actor has signed up for that dreaded, monstrous monopoly Time Warner Cable, notorious for having fewer stars on Yelp than cannibal murderer Jeffrey Dahmer.

Last night, Mr. Stewart tweeted the following lament, which demands to be read aloud in his deep British timber:

So far, over 600 people have retweeted it, so clearly Mr. Stewart's frustration with the cable service has struck a chord. The support arm of Time Warner reached out to Mr. Stewart, but by then it was simply too late:

We like to imagine Mr. Stewart shouting at his computer, "This installation ends here!"

Engaging in a public Twitter spat with one of the city's most hated companies? Congratulations, Mr. Stewart, you're officially a New Yorker.

Update: Apparently Mr. Stewart isn't the only Star Trek star to experience problems with Time Warner:

Update 2: Time Warner has provided Betabeat with the following (pretty amazing) statement:

“Our Care and Social Media teams are fully engaged to make sure he's well tended to. On behalf of the many Trekkers and Sir Patrick Stewart fans across our company, I can assure you, we will make it so.”

Oh, and thanks to the Redditor who made this:

(Photo: Quickmeme)

(Photo: Park Slope Patrick Stewart)

Dear readers, have you heard the good news? The devilishly handsome Patrick Stewart--Shakespearean scholar and he of Star Trek: The Next Generation glory--has nestled himself between the hip young parents and NYU students in a new apartment in Park Slope.

Naturally, the neighborhood worked itself into a tizzy awaiting the arrival (via transporter, we assume) of the Captain Picard. And now that he's there, one Park Sloper has chosen to immortalize his new residency the only way Brooklynites know how: with a single-serving Tumblr, of course.

Park Slope Patrick Stewart is just a bunch of pictures of Patrick Stewart with insidery jokes about Park Slope superimposed over them, but it's bound to make you giggle. Besides, as the Tumblr's tagline notes, "Laurence Olivier couldn't handle Brooklyn."