XXX in Tech

Oracle Employee Charges $33K Worth of Lap Dances to His Company AmEx

(Photo: New Century Theater)

You know how when you go to an important work conference, all you can think about is stopping off at a nearby titty bar afterwards to appreciate some local flavor? One Oracle employee can certainly relate, as the San Francisco Chronicle reports that his company is currently being sued for failing to cough up the $33,545 he spent on lap dances during last year’s Oracle OpenWorld Fest, a giant conference that takes place yearly in San Francisco. Read More

The Rich Are Different

Larry Ellison Saves Malibu From Gross Poor People Food

With a girlfriend like this...  (Photo: Getty)

Oracle chief Larry Ellison has saved Carbon Beach, a section of Malibu, from pink slime burgers and sticky, soda-covered floors by importing a couple of bougie restaurants.

The Hawaiian island overlord is also Carbon Beach’s biggest landowner, so he used his oracular influence to persuade Nobu Matsuhisa to toss the town a sushi resto, The Hollywood Reporter says. Great idea if they’re trying to lure the real Lindsay Lohan, who hasn’t been seen since her evil twin took over in 2004. Read More

The Rich Are Different

Totally Modest Larry Ellison Wants to Turn Lanai Into an ‘Eden in the Pacific’

Mr. Ellison. (Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images)

Let’s check in with Larry Ellison’s plans for his Hawaiian island of Lanai, shall we? The Wall Street Journal talked to the Oracle founder/overlord, who revealed a few of his schemes for his biggest, shiniest toy yet.

His ideas include an “ultraluxury hotel” (for when mere luxury won’t do), bringing commercial agriculture back to the island (think “the very best gourmet mangos,” “organic wineries,” and perfume made straight from flowers, “like they do in Grasse, France”), and a “sustainability laboratory.”

His first move, though, was to renovate the community pool, because the absolute last thing he needs is a bunch of pissed-off locals. Read More

Ball So Hard

Larry Ellison Buys Hawaiian Airline Because How Else Is He Supposed to Get to His Hawaiian Island?

(Photo: Elite Daily)

Possible sailing cheater and Hawaiian island owner Larry Ellison has added a new item to his collection of things you will never be able to afford, according to Skift: the Hawaiian airline Island Air is now an Ellison possession.

Island Air is a small airline that provides flights between the islands of Hawaii, but we assume the Oracle founder will also be using it as his own private fleet of jets. If you were a kazillionaire, wouldn’t you?


My Dad’s a Tech Billionaire and All I Got Were the Rights to the Lousy Terminator Franchise

Megan Ellison (Photo: IMDB)

What’d you get for the holidays? Maybe some nice new video games? Perhaps your parents heard you talking about “personal betterment via technology” and got you a Nike Fuel Band?

Whatever you received, it was certainly not as good as what Oracle founder Larry Ellison gifted his children last year: daughter Megan Ellison used some of his money to win a bidding war for the rights to the Terminator franchise, with agreements from Justin Lin to direct and Arnold Schwarzenegger to star in it. Read More

One Percent Problems

Hawaiians Prepare for Inevitable Larry Ellison Movie ‘I Bought an Island’

George as Captain Larry, god willing. (Photo: IMDB)

Oracle CEO and New York Times-approved eligible bachelor Larry Ellison bought 98 percent of the Hawaiian island Lanai a couple months ago, making him the proud owner of two Four Seasons resorts, a solar farm, a pair of championship golf courses, the firstborn of every female citizen and 10 grass-skirt-bearing virgins.

Thus the Times sent one intrepid reporter down to Hawaii to ask the residents of Lanai how they feel about their new bearded overlord. And their passionate, tension-filled responses sound not unlike the rough draft of next summer’s feel-good land baron dramedy. Read More