Kim Jong Ummm

North Korea Debuts Mushroom-Based Sports Drink to ‘Enhance Physical Ability’

Screen Shot 2014-05-30 at 10.42.58 AM

North Korean scientists have invented a most supreme alternative to evil western Gatorade: a revitalizing sports drink made from mushrooms.

“They succeeded in finding the way to cultivate mushroom fungus and made a functional drink,” North Korea’s state news agency reported. “This natural drink is very effective in enhancing physical ability of sportspersons and recovering from their fatigues.” Read More

App for That

This App Will Help You Plan a Fabulous North Korean Vacation

Sign us up for everything! (Screengrab: iTunes)

Few things are more stressful than planning the perfect North Korean vacation. Which Kim Jong Un statues are most fun to visit? Which buildings are tourists strictly forbidden from entering? Which stores are best for purchasing “authentic” North Korean gadgetry?

Thankfully, there’s a new app called North Korea Travel, which aims to help users plan trips to the secretive country — or just learn more about it, without having to trust the country’s highly reliable state-run news site. Read More

Kim Jong Ummm

North Korea’s ‘National’ Smartphone Is Really Just a Chinese Knockoff

And on the fifth day, Kim Jong Un created the selfie. (Getty)

Remember last summer, when Kim Jong Un visited a factory to give the new “North Korean” Arirang smartphone his blessing? Well, much like EVERYTHING in North Korea, this was probably a big fat lie.

When we first reported the news, we — along with just about everyone else — suspected the smartphones were actually being manufactured in China, and then shipped to North Korea, despite Kim Jong Un’s assertions that the phones were homegrown and reflective of “patriotic enthusiasm.” Read More

Kim Jong Ummm

North Korea Deletes 350,000 Articles From Its Highly Reliable State-Run News Site

Kim Jong Un could def use some mushroom drink — he's looking fatigued. (Photo: Getty)

In between inventing the smartphone and hosting Dennis Rodman for tea, the North Korean government has casually deleted 350,000 articles from their state-run news website.

The Korean Central News Agency is state-run because it’s more convenient for everyone if they cut out the middle man, a free press.

Also, they kind of have a thing for information control. Read More

Kim Jong Ummm

North Korea Invents Most Supreme “Hand Phone”

Kim Jong Un could def use some mushroom drink — he's looking fatigued. (Photo: Getty)

Pretty much the only way North Korea could be more prosperous and legit would be to get in on the smartphone game, so Supreme Commander Kim Jong Un recently visited a factory to give the new Arirang “hand phone” his blessing.

Some party poopers (“experts”) doubt that any such mobile devices are actually being created in North Korea, SkyNews points out, and believe that China may be manufacturing the Arirang before shipping it to North Korea.  Read More

Tablet Wars

North Korea’s Most Supreme Tablet Comes Loaded With Angry Birds Ripoff But No Internet

(Photo: headlineparty.wordpress.com)

If you were hoping to use your new Samjiyon tablet, manufactured in North Korea, to do typical tablety things like stream video or read the news, then you’re out of luck. Geekosystem reports that the new device, which runs on Android, doesn’t actually include the Internet–strange, since when Google’s Eric Schmidt visited the country it went to such great pains to make its citizens look soooo tech-savvy. Read More

shameless rumormongering

Rumor Roundup: In Which an Angry Reader Hopes We Are Forced to ‘Work on a Land Line Forever’

BHnb6SbCcAADyXZ

A (literal) letter to the editor: When Betabeat freelancer David Shapiro wrote a damning review of the new BlackBerry Z10, saying that people would think less of you if you opted for it over an iPhone, we expected to receive some angry feedback. What we did not expect, however, was to receive a real paper letter, mailed to our offices, lamenting the “hugely irritating and pompous and dumb and plain silly” post. We suppose it’s appropriate, however, that such an impassioned BlackBerry user would take to the mailbox instead of email–does email even work on that thing? (JK) Read More

Hack Hack Hack Hack It Apart

Anonymous Hacks North Korea’s Twitter and Flickr Accounts

(Photo: Flickr)

One day after hacktivist collective Anonymous claimed to have stolen 15,000 membership records from the “semi-official” North Korea government outlet uriminzokkiri.com, the country’s official Flickr and Twitter accounts have also been hacked. So far, the @uriminzokkiri account has tweeted five times to signal that several North Korean websites, including ryomyong.com and uriminzokkiri.com” had been hacked. Read More

Hack Hack Hack Hack It Apart

Just What the Tensions with North Korea Needed: Anonymous!

anonymous pirates

Is there any situation into which Anons will not insert themselves? The Next Web reports that, as North Korea rattles its saber louder and louder, hackers flying the flag of Anonymous have basically declared war on the country’s authoritarian government. In a note published on Pastebin, they addressed Kim Jong-Un: “So you feel the need to create large nukes and threaten half the world with them?
So you’re into demonstrations of power?, here is ours.”

We’re sure Mr. Kim is quaking in his boots. Read More