(Photo: Maximum PC)

When last we heard from Time Warner Cable, a corporation so reviled that even Starfleet captains can't help but voice their discontent, it was devising its latest scheme to become the most hated company ever by charging a modem rental fee. Now, the New York Daily News reports that not one but two class action suits have been lodged against Time Warner, alleging that the $3.95/month modem leasing fee is essentially a money-making racket.

Writes the Daily News:

"In papers filed in New York and New Jersey courts, customers contend that the fee is illegal because it’s not included in existing customer agreements, the company did not give mandatory 30-day notice and it notified customers with a 'paltry postcard.'"

Though Time Warner initially said that customers could simply buy their own modems instead of paying the monthly fee, it turns out that only the expensive Motorola modems work with the Triple Play Plan. Plus, the modems you can rent are supposedly old, those that the company "wrote off as worthless years ago."

Both lawsuits are asking the court to pose an injunction against the company, effectively stifling the new fee, which went into effect on October 15th. No word yet on Captain Picard's reaction to the suits, though we can only guess as to his advice for the customers behind them: Sticking it to TWC? Make it so.

(Photo: Maximum PC)

When not pissing off the cast of Star Trek: The Next Generation, Time Warner Cable execs apparently take to their evil lair to devise new schemes to wring every last penny out of their hapless customers. The latest pocket gouger? A monthly modem fee.

The New York Times reports that Time Warner is planning to charge a monthly fee of $3.95 to rent a modem from them. If you want to avoid paying the monthly fee, you can purchase a Time Warner-approved modem for $50-$137. Time Warner will then promise to set the modem up during the Harvest Moon but then not show up until the spring thaw.

The Times predicts that many users won't want to opt to change their plan and purchase their own modem, so the move could be a major cash cow for a company that has fewer Yelp stars than cannibal murderer Jeffrey Dahmer.

To be fair, many Internet companies (like Comcast) charge a modem rental fee, but other Internet companies did not have the gall to offend Sir Patrick Stewart. Might we suggest seeing if your building is eligible for Verizon Fios?

That distinguishment apparently belongs to Comcast. They are Comcastic.

Om Malik at GigaOm takes note of a Multichannel News report that Ookla, a company in the business of testing broadband speeds, has crowned Comcast as the fastest of the group. Some upgrade that has something to do with some "DOCSIS 3.0 technology," or something.

Either way, marvel with jealousy:

Comcast and Charter delivered average download speeds of 17.19 Megabits per second, followed by Cablevision at 16.40 Mbps, Cox at 15.76 Mbps, TWC at 14.41 Mbps and Insight at 14.22 Mbps. Verizon Communications fared better than its telco peers with an average download speed of 12.94 Mbps, thanks to FiOS Internet, its fiber-to-the-home service that provides up to 150 Mbps downstream. And overall, Verizon had the highest upstream speeds with an average of 7.41 Mbps. Still, the company’s legacy DSL services dragged down overall speeds.

Of course, before Malik notes his broadband as faster than yours, he's careful to relay the depressingly American fact that our cable internet isn't exactly going to win us the Space Race of Cable or whatever anytime soon.

As an observation, these top speeds from cable companies are much slower than the top speeds in other countries such as South Korea, Japan, the Baltic nations and parts of Eastern Europe.

So, if you live in South Korea, Japan, the Baltics, or one of the sketchy Eastern European countries where rich guys from America do terrible things that are then depicted in Eli Roth movies, your internet is faster than most of ours, congratulations, we hate you. And if you get Comcast, your internet is faster than the rest of America's.

Well done.

Surely you're putting it to good use.

fkamer@observer.com | @weareyourfek