(Photo: Geeky Tattoos)

In the Valley, employees of major tech companies like Google and Facebook wear their building badges like a literal badge of honor. You don't need to keep it attached to your belt while out on a Friday night, but it also doesn't hurt your chances of landing a date. You should probably debadge when you bang though (just a thought).

According to The Telegraph, workers in Bangalore are taking their workplace pride a step further and getting the logo of their employer permanently tattooed to their bodies. Instead of succumbing to brand slavery, the workers are reportedly getting inked to celebrate landing jobs at high-profile tech companies. No word on how getting a hulking "Oracle" logo inked permanently to your chest affects your dating prospects.

“Its [sic] called Brand tattooing," one tattoo artist told The Telegraph. "Mostly people from IT companies like IBM, Apple, Microsoft and Oracle have got their company logos tattooed on their bodies."

Anybody want to get a Betabeat tattoo? It won't hurt a bit.

(Photo: NASA)

Microsoft recently updated its YouTube app for Windows Phones, but Google isn't too pleased with the results--going so far as to send a cease and desist. That's because Microsoft built in features allowing users to block ads. [The Verge]

A spokesman said they'd be "more than happy to include advertising but need Google to provide us access to the necessary APIs." [The Verge]

"Reading is an activity more likely to be on screen than on the printed page." So there's that. [BBC]

Car-sharing service Relay Rides has gotten the ax (locally at least) from the New York State’s Department of Financial Services, who said their insurance is “illegal and inadequate.” [PandoDaily]

Looks like, after technical problems, NASA's other-Earth-seeking Kepler Telescope is powering down. [Popular Science]

“Throw in with Apple and see if we can all make a go of this to create a real mainstream e-books market at $12.99 and $14.99.” That's the kind of email that, even if you are Steve Jobs, lands you in hot water with antitrust enforcers. [AllThingsD]

Ms. Wong (Photo: Wikipedia)

The White House has tapped Twitter’s former legal director Nicole Wong for chief privacy officer, a newly created position. Before joining Twitter six months ago, she was at Google where her nickname was "The Decider." [ReadWrite]

Yahoo reportedly really really wants out of its search deal with Microsoft because it's killing the company's revenue. [WSJ]

Betaworks' first game, Dots, has racked up 1 million downloads in its first week of release. [TechCrunch]

Syria's government said it's working to repair the country's connection to the Internet. Who is faster with customer service: Syria or Time Warner? [CNN]

In an effort to get more people back into its brick-and-mortar stores, Target is rolling out deals on people’s Facebook News Feeds that you can take to the store and redeem. [AdAge]

Lumia lovers. (Photo: YouTube)

Do you like weddings? Are you a fan of low-brow and uncivilized behavior? Do you also have an insatiable thirst for watching mobile operating systems battle it out for consumer hierarchy? Then you're going to LOVE the new commercial for the Windows Phone. It combines all three of those things in an attempt to halt struggling sales.

In what feels like the 18th different ad campaign that Microsoft has launched to make you remember its phone still exists, the company released another new ad Monday that targets Apple and Samsung devotees. The one-minute spot begins at a wedding that obviously spirals out of control after a snarky (and probable Twitter parody account creator) iPhone owner asks a Samsung Galaxy user to move his "enormous" phone.

A massive fight breaks out between the #TeamiPhone and #TeamGalaxyribes as they brawl, punch and act insane, all in an effort to cater to America’s love of barbaric behavior. Amusing insults include "iSheep," ageism barbs and a person calling the Galaxy a "copybox" owner because who isn't a fan of international copyright infringement lawsuits.

Finally, we see wedding hall staff giggle into their hot dog condiment-colored devices, wondering if they should tell the guests that there is an alternative.

Poor Nokia Lumia. Always the help, never the bridesmaid.

http://youtu.be/Z19vR1GldRI

Bye bye. (Photo: Microsoft)

If you were hoping to get rich off of being one of the first to build apps for Google Glass, think again: Google has prohibited developers from using ads or charging for apps. We're betting Google wants to keep  that potential ad revenue all to itself. [The Verge]

Sources tell Bloomberg Twitter is seeking a deal with Viacom and Comcast that would allow it to host clips (as well as ads alongside those clips) on the site. Can't you at least verify @Jack's parents first? [Bloomberg]

Binge-watching shows is about to get a whole lot easier: Netflix is finally ditching Microsoft Silverlight in favor of HTML5 video. [The Verge]

IBM execs are headed to Washington to try to convince politicians to pass CISPA. Paging Alexis Ohanian! [Hillicon Valley]

Cory Booker's Waywire startup has finally launched in beta. [PandoDaily]

(Photo: Giant Bomb)

Sad news out of the Pacific Northwest today: Geekwire reports that Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer almost had his beautiful vacation home destroyed by a rampant mudslide. Why do bad things always happen to good people?

The house, situated on Whidbey Island off the coast of Washington, narrowly avoided being ravaged by the mudslide, which damaged one home and prompted evacuation of the entire neighborhood. Luckily, no one was injured.

Geekwire also notes Mr. Ballmer's yard played a role in a dramatic rescue. Workers had to drive over it in an ATV in order to save a man stranded by roads taken out by the mudslide.

He's basically a hero now. Proud of you, Steve-o.

(Photo: Xbox live addicts)

Who says playing video games is nothing but a timesuck? The Milwaukee Wisconsin Journal Sentinel reports that Jose Muñoz, an undocumented immigrant who's been living in the U.S. since age 1, used his extensive Xbox history to stay in the country. Take that, Mom!

Mr. Muñoz graduated from high school in 2005, but because his family visa had long since expired, he couldn't safely attend college or apply for a job without fear of being deported. Instead, he began to help around the house, and much like every other college-aged kid, spent a lot of time playing games on Xbox Live.

When President Obama announced the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals, Mr. Muñoz finally had a chance to remain in the country while working or attending school. The problem was that because Mr. Muñoz had lived under the radar since his graduation in 2005, he didn't have documents like paystubs or college transcripts to prove that he had lived in the U.S. consistently since then.

Luckily his attorney came up with a genius idea: using his Xbox Live account history to prove Mr. Muñoz's residency. And the idea worked--Mr. Muñoz can stay in the country for another two years, after which he can apply for deferment again. Plus, he'll never have to justify staying up late playing Bioshock ever again.

As for immigration reform: Zuck's on the case, don't you worry.

(Photo: Core77)

Say what you will about techies and charitable giving, but Microsoft cofounder Bill Gates has established himself as one of the most important philanthropists in the world, even nabbing a spot on Businessweek's list of most generous people. Through the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, Mr. Gates and his wife work to eradicate poverty and increase access to healthcare.

Now, with a $100,00 grant offered through the Grand Challenges in Global Health Program, the Gateses are hoping to find "anyone -- students, scientists or entrepreneurs" to reinvent the condom. It's your time to shine, Ballmer.

The contest, spotted by Gothamist, is looking for one genius inventor to develop "the next generation of condom." Though condoms are the most reliable contraceptive method to protect against pregnancy and STIs, it doesn't take your ex-boyfriend to tell you how much they kind of suck (oh, and will he tell you). So the foundation is requesting proposals for a next-gen condom that "significantly preserves or enhances pleasure, in order to improve uptake and regular use."

If that's too much of an undertaking for you, the foundation offers other ideas:

 Additional concepts that might increase [condom usage] uptake include attributes that increase ease-of-use for male and female condoms, for example better packaging or designs that are easier to properly apply. In addition, attributes that address and overcome cultural barriers are also desired.

If you manage to develop a condom that guys won't complain about having to wear, you will win $100,000 from the Gates Foundation, help contribute towards a healthier world and also achieve deity status among anyone who has ever heard or uttered the phrase, "But it feels so much better without one."

(Photo: Microsoft)

Was that a bellow of rage we just heard from the direction of Redmond? The Wall Street Journal reports that the DOJ and SEC are poking around Microsoft as part of an investigation into business partners (like resellers and consultants) who maaaybe secured software contracts by bribing foreign officials.

Well, that would be one way to keep Windows running on every desktop.

Microsoft was quick to throw up its hands and tell the Wall Street Journal "nuh-uh, not us":

"Like every large company with operations around the world we sometimes receive allegations about potential misconduct by employees or business partners," said John Frank, Microsoft's vice president and deputy general counsel. "We cooperate fully in any government inquiries," he added.

This doesn't mean that Microsoft has been charged with anything yet, or even formally accused. But the feds are following up on a hot tip from a former employee:

The tipster, who worked to land potential new business, alleged that an executive of Microsoft's China subsidiary instructed the tipster to offer kickbacks to Chinese officials in return for signing off on software contracts.

But sources tell the Journal that Microsoft already had an outside firm investigate the allegations and turned up zilch. The feds are also sniffing around deals in Italy and Romania. So if you're a Microsoft reseller in an emerging nation, now might be the time to burn all receipts marked "bribe."

Do not steal form her. (Photo: Necole Betchie)

Well look who's scroogling screwing people now. The European Union has fined Microsoft $731 million for violating its promise to offer consumers a choice of web browser. Probably because when given a choice, no one will pick Internet Explorer. [Reuters]

Facebook plans to announce better ways to filter News Feed content at tomorrow's big press event, including being able to view just Instagram photos. Photos will also appear larger for posts and, of course, ads. [TechCrunch]

What happens when you share Beyonce files on BitTorrent? Sony smacks you with a $233,000 damages lawsuit. That's what you get for stealing from Queen Bey, we suppose. [TorrentFreak]

The FBI is secretly spying on some Google users, though because of national security, Google can only give an estimate of how many accounts have been tapped. [Wired]

JFK employees reportedly saw a drone aircraft flying around yesterday, and now the FBI wants your help tracking it. [Motherboard]