He's all set! (Photo: SB Nation comments)

Now that Jay-Z is starting a sports talent agency, it looks like he might have to offload his stake in the Brooklyn Nets if he wants to rep NBA players. HOVA no doubt has plenty of interested buyers knocking on his door, but the most public enthusiast is a familiar face from the New York tech scene: Reddit cofounder Alexis Ohanian.

SB Nation reports that the would-be President of the Internet expressed his interest in a recent TV appearance:

"'You're a big Nets fan,' noted Bolton. 'Jay-Z has to sell off his stake which is pretty small. Would you buy it?'"

'Absolutely,' answered Ohanian. 'In fact, I have tried to make as many public and private overtures as I can to let HOVA know that I would absolutely be honored to buy those shares.'"

It wasn't Mr. Ohanian's first mention of the notion; he tweeted about the possibility last week. A Brooklyn native, he already holds season tickets. And as you can see from the picture above, which he uploaded to the SB Nation discussion thread, he's already got the gear. (/r/NBA has already gathered around the digital water cooler to discuss, naturally.)

Sounds like Steve Ballmer's got a little competition for the crown of tech's top NBA fan.

(Photo: Yahoo Sports)

What does it take to join the Illuminati, a secret society of power players that Internet conspiracy theorists believe are looking to take over the world?

Being super rich and famous helps--just look at Queen Beyonce, who supposedly flashed the Illuminati sign (a triangle) during her Super Bowl halftime performance. Other rumored illuminati members are Bey's hubby Jay-Z and their child Blue Ivy, Barack Obama, Angelina Jolie and Adele. It's an elite crew primarily comprised of music legends, so it's no surprise that many aspiring musicians wish to ascend the Illuminati ranks. It's highly discouraged, however, to shoot someone in order to do so.

The Richmond Times-Dispatch reports that a June trial has been set for 27-year-old Wafeeq Sabir El-Amin, who is accused of shooting his friend in the head because he believed he had to commit a human sacrifice in order to join the Illuminati and become famous. "You are my sacrifice,” El-Amin reportedly said before shooting his friend in the head.

An attorney told the judge that Mr. El-Amin was obsessed with "a book about the role of the Illuminati in hip-hop music and especially in the career of rap star 50 Cent." Aren't we all?

The victim, miraculously, survived, which we think means he gets first dibs at the Illuminati throne.

Pretend to be Jay-Z and Beyonce, if only for a day. (Photo: We Got This Covered)

Not all of us can afford luxurious yachts on which to sunbathe and drink Moet and count our jewels, no matter how hard we wish to be Captain Larry Ellison. But a new startup in Athens, Greece wants to help everyone feel like a glamorous seafarer, if only for a day.

Wired reports that next month two Greek businessmen are planning to launch Incrediblue, a boat rental marketplace for yachtmasters and wannabes alike. Rich people can list their boats for curious vacationers hoping to get their fix of the open sea to rent hourly, daily or weekly. Incrediblue plans to charge 15 percent for its services, undercutting most traditional boat brokers (because that is a thing, apparently).

It's basically Airbnb, but for motherfucking yachts.

Writes Wired:

Tourists or others who wish to rent out a boat can choose from Incrediblue’s listings based on type of boat, cost, availability, and user reviews. Once you pick a boat, you send a reservation request to the owner and pay for your voyage once the request gets approved. If you can’t sail a boat or yacht, you can even hire a skipper on the site to do the driving while you sit back and sip cocktails on deck. For now, you can rent a boat in Greece, Croatia, Turkey, and Portugal, but Incrediblue has plans to launch in Spain and France by early next year.

Sadly, once you turn the yacht keys in at the end of your rental, you'll be forced to confront the stark, devastating reality that you are still not Jay-Z.

H to the Izzo. (Photo: Screencap)

Good news! Even if you refuse to darken the door of the controversial near-future fever dream that is the Barclays Center, you can still catch the final of Jay-Z's inaugural concerts at the venue.

The Daily News reports that the show will be live-streamed on Mr. Carter's new "Life and Times" YouTube channel. The concert will serve as the launch of the channel and, according to the Daily News, "promises a lineup of 'in depth lifestyle pieces' based on the tastes and interests of Jay-Z." Hopefully at some point one of those programs will address whether the man ever sleeps, or if he's too busy fostering synergy among his many projects. 

Welcome to the future of content, which looks a lot like the past of content, but with a troll-infested comment section adding all kinds of value.

The show starts at 9:30p.m. Saturday night. You might have 99 problems, but finding something to watch that evening ain't one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PG_VF5V_6oY&feature=youtu.be

(Photo: Magnetic Productions)

If Law and Order doesn't provide you with sufficient insight into those who protect and serve our fine city, perhaps this Reddit thread can help. A user named 10-13 decided to initiate an "Ask Me Anything" post last night about his experience as a NYPD officer.

Perhaps because the Occupy Wall Street fervor has ebbed, or because 10-13 is a well-respected member of the r/NYC subreddit, the questions weren't as pointed or aggressive as we anticipated. Maybe anonymous user names don't automatically engender bad behavior, after all.

10-13, which is top secret police code for "Officer in need of immediate assistance," answered users' questions with a distinct mix of wry humor and endearing admiration for his job. But our favorite reply had to be when he discussed the time he found a guy with a silver dildo in his mouth:

When we got up to the 3rd flood he was on the stairs with some kind of portable VHS/DVD player watching tranny porn and jerking off. Weirder still, he had a silver dildo in is mouth.

"Some people are just born with a silver dildo in their mouth," quipped a user named bunglejerry.

We would like to quibble with one answer, however. We have spent a large part of our lives allowing our legal beliefs to be dictated by Jay-Z's hit song "99 problems," primarily because of the following line: "My glove compartment is locked so's the trunk in the back and I know my rights so you gon' need a lawyer for that."

A lawyer recently did a line-by-line reading of the song and determined that--actually--officers can search your locked glove compartment without a warrant. World rocked. 10-13, however, maintains Jay-Z's party line, saying that the NYPD can't look in your glove box without a warrant.

So which is it? Those of us who take our legal advice from Mr. Carter are dying to know.

Jay-Z (Photo: JustJared)

Rapping mogul Jay-Z has 99 problems but an uncharged cell phone is certainly not one of them. In January, Mr. Carter signed up to be a spokesperson for Duracell's Powermat charging station, a sleek little square that charges your cell phone just by resting your phone on top of it. Now, Mashable reports that HOVA has outfitted his swank 40/40 Club with Powermats, which should satisfy the attendees of those startup parties 40/40 has been hosting.

According to Mashable, the sports bar and lounge is "outfitted with Powermat charging stations through the resin-top bar area, VIP lounges and the stadium style seating with a view of the 165-inch state-of-the-art video walls."

We be big pimpin' spendin volts. Wired charging is a hard knock life--once you have your moment of clarity you'll realize the only way to run this town is with money, cash and Powermats.

Okay, we're done.

40/40 Club.

YuuZoo is a new mobile social network that's driving hard into India, China, South East Asia, the Middle East and Africa, where mobile Internet is much more common than home Internet—so we're not sure why the startup is partnering with rapper Maino for a fabulous social media party tomorrow at Jay-Z's 40/40 Club on West 25th St.

This morning Betabeat received a press release from YuuZoo, a social network that looks like Google+, works like Ning and hopes to scoop up artists and brands. Judging by the public feed, the site appears woefully far away from its goal of overtaking Facebook.

Maino will be celebrating the launch of his YuuZoo page, yuuzoo.com/maino, at the club tomorrow. We assume there will be plenty of bubbly.

The site—helloblueivycarter.tumblr.com—has a note welcoming visitors to the page:

"We welcome you to share in our joy. Thank you for respecting our privacy during this beautiful time in our lives."

And below it, pictures of The Bey-Z:

And here we would talk about What This Means for the blogging/social networking platform, or how fascinating it is that, instead of selling pictures of their firstborn to the highest bidder, they did the not-soulless thing by just posting them, while also being totally self-aware that the fascination with these photos by the public was inevitable, large, palpable, and probably in everyone's best interests if we just saw them and moved on, though for the record, this kind of thing will definitely engender good will towards two celebrities who already have quite a bit, and from a purely fiscal perspective, is a crazy-savvy move.

But we'll just stare at these photos instead. LOOK AT JAY-Z AND BEYONCE'S BABBYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!