music is my boyfriend
When a fledgeling Christian video game company called Phoenix Interactive Studios wanted to bring the sacred stories of The Old Testament into our homes, they turned to Kickstarter for help. When that Kickstarter managed to raise less than ten percent of its $100,000 goal, who did they blame?
The powers of Hell, of course.
Spotify released its year-in-review numbers and damn, do Americans have some lame-ass taste in music. One might even call it basic.
The word “basic” has many definitions. Betabeat’s preferred meaning is “offering or consisting in the minimum required without elaboration or luxury; simplest or lowest in level” (ty, Google). So how’s this for basic: Macklemore and Ryan Lewis simply burned up the charts this year, and you won’t believe how many people listen to Maroon 5.
When celebs dip their perfectly pedicured toes into the tech world, the results often feel crass and unnecessary. Do we really need this “clean-living startup” from Jessica Alba? Does anyone read Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP in earnest? And why did we have to download a bad app to listen to Jay-Z’s latest album?
But you can’t get much more crass than Shots of Me, a selfie app backed by a big chunk of change from Justin Bieber. So why do we need this selfie app? “Immaturity fuels bullying and drama-filled comment reels,” TechCrunch points out. “So RockLive has taken funding from Justin Bieber to solve these problems with Shots of Me, a self-portrait photo sharing iOS app that launches today.”
#factsonly: We here at Betabeat will never forget the glorious day that Jay Z decided to take to Twitter for a few hours and offer us a much-needed break from the summer doldrums.
During his brief stint on the platform he coined several memorable hashtags, such as #mylaugh, a replacement for “lol.” He also spent time answering questions from Twitter users, one of whom asked what his favorite cereal is. “cap’n crunch growing up,” he responded. “I haven’t had cereal in a bit.”
Game of Groans Photos from Sean Parker’s Big Sur wedding bash have finally hit the Internet, and they reveal an orgiastic confluence of fur, velvet, coattails, middle-parts and castoff costumes from A Knight’s Tale. Famous people and tech luminaries were abundant, but Mark Zuckerberg declined to attend, VF reports. He probably realized in advance that photos of him dressed as Read More
Lady Gaga is taking a page from Jay-Z’s book, a neat little tome called How to Stay Relevant When Your Best Work May Be Behind You (sorry, #factsonly).
Apparently, the answer is to dabble in tech. She announced last night that her newest album, ARTPOP, will arrive to fans via mobile app. Kind of like that time when Jay-Z did the exact same thing last week.
Not to be outdone by Yeezus, Jay-Z announced last night–via a three-minute commercial midway through the NBA finals game–that he’s dropping his own new album, Magna Carta Holy Grail, next month.
Midway through the rambling ad, Jay-Z waxes philosophical, all Paul Graham-like: “That’s why the Internet is like the wild west, the wild wild west. We need to write the new rules.” Apparently, that means cutting a hugely lucrative deal with Samsung to give away a million copies of the album.
Guess someone’s figured out the right way to run this “information wants to be free” racket.
Sports! Sports! Sports!
Looks like Blue Ivy will be kept in ponies and designer toddler duds for the foreseeable future. Beyoncé recently rolled out high-profile campaigns with Pepsi and H&M, and now it seems Jay-Z is hustling for some of that tech boom dough. According to the New York Post, he’s currently negotiating an enormous deal to promote Samsung.
Maybe while he’s at it he can rescue Alicia Keys from BlackBerry?
Crime and Punishment
Now that Jay-Z is starting a sports talent agency, it looks like he might have to offload his stake in the Brooklyn Nets if he wants to rep NBA players. HOVA no doubt has plenty of interested buyers knocking on his door, but the most public enthusiast is a familiar face from the New York tech scene: Reddit cofounder Alexis Ohanian.
SB Nation reports that the would-be President of the Internet expressed his interest in a recent TV appearance:
What does it take to join the Illuminati, a secret society of power players that Internet conspiracy theorists believe are looking to take over the world?
Being super rich and famous helps–just look at Queen Beyonce, who supposedly flashed the Illuminati sign (a triangle) during her Super Bowl halftime performance. Other rumored illuminati members are Bey’s hubby Jay-Z and their child Blue Ivy, Barack Obama, Angelina Jolie and Adele. It’s an elite crew primarily comprised of music legends, so it’s no surprise that many aspiring musicians wish to ascend the Illuminati ranks. It’s highly discouraged, however, to shoot someone in order to do so.