Season 1 . . . Episode 2 . . . no end in sight . . . I’m not sure how much more I can take.

Now that the dust has settled from the PR, subsequent Valley backlash, promos, more backlash, and last week’s premiere, we actually get to see what we have here with Bravo’s "Start-Ups: Silicon Valley." Basically, it's formulaic reality show.

The genre's hooks and tricks are well established, they just happen to be filmed in Silicon Valley with cast members that are, well, made for TV. I think for many here, there was still some hope that the show would offer a national audience an insider's look into the motion and the madness in which the Valley operates. Not so much.

Back in 2001, there was a great startup documentary called "Startup.com." It would have been such a worthwhile endeavor if the producers aspired to create something like that. Instead we’re left with what venture capitalist Ron Palmeri of MkII Ventures calls, “The Housewives of Silicon Valley.”

However, I will say these characters are kind of lovable. (Emphasis on “kind of.”) I even tried to make fun of Sarah Austin on Twitter, but I don’t think she got the joke:

@spencerchen @p_kassie hahahaha no she's the one who meets me in the morning and brings hot coffee lol#siliconvalley

— Sarah Austin (@sarahaustin) November 13, 2012

(Noteworthy here is that whatever was written about the Valley’s disdain towards the cast members was misguided. It’s the idea of a startup reality show that Valley folks disliked, not the people involved.)

Anyways, enough about what could have been and more about that Sony Vaio.

Recap: Ben Way and Hermione Way return to The Villa dejected after being turned down by VC Dave McClure. They start screaming. Um, okay. Kim Taylor is pissing and moaning about work because she’s been there for two years and the cofounder is thinking about bringing in someone more senior to handle sales. This is her first startup job after being a NBA cheerleader, so you know, why wouldn’t she be considered for the Chief Revenue Officer role? Sarah is talking about “Lifecasting” again. I don’t even… oh hey, pool party! David Murray made an “Oedipus” reference to siblings Ben and Hermione during the pool party. Awk!

Friends of the cast finally get some airtime here. I guess all that hard work lingering around the cast members finally paid off! Sarah hosts some VC pitch event. She’s wearing a cute, burgundy dress . . . her tan looks awesome? Totes. Hermione vists Sarah at the Four Seasons to extend an olive branch in the shape of a homemade tiara. Sarah dismisses the hope that she and Hermione will be friends anytime soon. Whatevs. David and new hottie Jay Holanda go play in the park together. Ben and Hermione pitch Jeff Clavier of SoftTech VC. Denied! Hermione elects not to sleep underneath the VC’s conference table this time. Smart girl, she’s learning! David and new hottie Jay play Magic and do some brogrammer bonding. Sarah and Jay go on a date, but Sarah ruins it by ‘lifecasting’ it. The end.

How Real? Once again, giving the show the benefit of the doubt we’ll start them off at 100% real Silicon Valley. Last week the show scored a respectable 60% real Valley. Let’s see how they do this week . . .

Getting Rejected By VCs - 10%

After VC Dave McClure shot down their first pitch, Hermione slumps back to The Villa physically tired and emotionally exhausted. There’s quite a bit of drama’ing it up here. Getting rejected, especially at the seed rounds, is quite common for first-time founders. While the constant rejection can take a horrible toll on your ego and self-confidence, founders in the Valley tend to have thicker skin. Being better prepared helps. They certainly don’t scream from the Villatop every time a VC says no. I know one founder that pitched 50 Valley VCs before getting funded. I didn’t even know there were 50 VCs in the Valley.

Lifecasting -30%

Kassandra, Sarah’s assistant, asks Sarah if she’s going to Lifecast her date with Jay. Sarah responds that she’s going to because it’s the way for her audience to get to know the ‘real’ Sarah Austin. At this point, I feel it’s my moral obligation to educate the world that we in the Valley have no idea what the hell she is talking about. I’m pretty sure that Sarah means she tweets and Instagrams. If so, yeah, we do do that.

The Pool Scene at the Four Seasons - 20%

I don’t know where to start. There’s a poodle, spray tans, pretty flowers, and a lengthy conversation about feelings and being BFFs. No. No. No! Whatever free time startup people have (and it’s very little) are spent grabbing a quick meal, a few Fernets, and being generally exhausted. We don’t have enough time to have feelings here in the Valley. 

Sony VAIO -10%

Ben is seen pitching Jeff Clavier with a Sony VAIO. I’ve heard of these things and I’ve seen them on BestBuy’s site before. I’ve just never seen one in the wild here in the Valley. The Valley is MacBook Air country or if you’re a designer or developer, you’re on a MacBook Pro. Maybe it’s a product placement deal?

Tweeting About Your Date -20%

Sarah meets Jay at his place for their long-awaited date and she starts secretly live tweeting the big event. Here’s another thing that Valley types just don’t do. Between Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, Socialcam, Tumblr, etc…there’s already an abundance of sharing for the tech set throughout the working day. If there’s one last bastion of privacy that we all hold dear, it’s with our love lives. At the most, we make those posts #PathOnly (yes, that’s actually a thing).

Zzzzz

For episode 2, we get a final score of 10% real Silicon Valley. Worse is that the Valley’s interest in this show is sliding like Groupon stock. It just has not been that entertaining. It neither gives you enough of real startup life, nor is it an entertaining reality show. For anecdotal evidence, take a look at the photo I snapped of my girlfriend Amy White during the show. She heads up marketing for Highland Capital Partners and loves Jersey Shore. If Bravo’s Silicon Valley can’t capture her interest, I’m not holding out hope for the rest of the season.

Spencer Chen is head of partnerships at @appcelerator (and Betabeat’s 86th most entertaining Tech Twitterer!) Follow him@SpencerChen.

Mr. Lovingood (Photo: Bravo TV)

You didn't think we'd forgotten, did you? It's Friday afternoon, which means it's Rumor Roundup time!

One Day You're In, Next Day You're Out Randi Zuckerberg's Bravo reality show finally has a (disappointly un-innovative) name--"Silicon Valley Start-Ups"--although we assume the shenanigans will make up for it. According to a press release, the hour-long show will premiere Monday November 5th at 10 p.m. EST, so set your DVRs or prep your voodoo dolls, depending.

This part got left out of the release, but we hear the show will launch sans two reported cast members: Marcus Lovingood and Jay Holanda, although both gentleman will appear as sub-characters.

If you've been wondering why you're seeing so many LOLCats on Bravo in between the screeching ladies of leisure--Did Andy Cohen just discover there's an Internet beyond Twitter??--the press release also mentions the premiere of LOLwork, set at the ICanHasCheezburger.com offices and due to test whether the Cat Pics = Traffic formula works as well on TV.

Speaking of screeching--in this case, Bravo has Sarah Lacy's approval.

@benhuh congrats! are you beating the shit silicon valley show to market?

— Sarah Lacy (@sarahcuda) September 20, 2012

Fine Young Cannibals On his mirco-blog, Tumblr editor-in-chief Chris Mohney revealed that the entire office, excluding him, started a juice cleanse today.

Not your correspondent of course as I’m a lost cause cleansewise, but whoever of that persuasion survives the weekend will show up monday morning crazed and belligerent, shot through with explosive episodes of the whooping dropsy. Next week should be interesting expexially when you factor in Yom Kippur’s nutritional denial, so let’s peg it at 72% chance of autocannibalism by Wednesday and that’s Nat Daddy’s official projection on the subject going into the otherwise temperate weekend, drive carefully now.

If this counts as a thinspo post, we are so reporting you to Tumblr!

Cyber-Bullying Who's giving startups a hard time? That's what we want to know, as per this opaque, exasperated tweet from Texts From Last Night founder Lauren Leto, who shut down Bnters and took on the general manager role at Findings, a Betaworks startup, in May:

A certain 'influencer, curator' lady needs to stop being a bully to small start ups. Go create a company yourself.

— Lauren Leto (@laurenleto) September 19, 2012

Based on another recent tweet, however, one of Ms. Leto's followers did a little process of elimination.

@laurenleto so i guess she's not the "innovator, curator" you mention earlier ;)

— christy purington (@cpurington) September 19, 2012

Having perused Ms. Leto's winsome new book, Judging a Book By Its Lover, we are sorry to report it does not contain the answer to this particular mystery.

The Reality Distortion Field Reaches Los Angeles Even the youngest Kardashian kares about keeping up with technology.

Reverse-Reverse Sexism Still wondering what $50 and an App.net membership will get you (besides a word cloud of Twitter references)? Well, former GroupMe employee Matt Langer reports that the social network is "where you go to bro down with your /r/MensRights bros," like Favstar founder Tim Haines. However, no one with $50 has agreed to support Mr. Haines' cause.

Wedding bells On the mergers front, we hear that serial cofounder and investor Zack Klein recently married girlfriend Courtney Lewis, a partner at Hard Candy Shell. The pair booked "all of Aurora" earlier this week and issued an open invite via Twitter, in order to celebrate in style. To make everything ultra-official, the new Mrs. Klein has even rechristened her Twitter handle. Much luck and many Goodfellas-style envelopes of cash to the two lovebirds.

As always: Overheard a juicy tidbit about impending departures or imminent acquisitions? Dying to dish about startup blunders or frothy financing? Holler at your girls: tips@betabeat.com