Last night, news broke that Groupon's giving the world a 10% off discount...on their sales force! The catch? The world has to replace said 10% with more Groupon foot soldiers. Via Reuters:

Daily deals site Groupon is replacing the worst 10 percent of its sales staff as it pushes to win stronger deals from merchants and ensure it can keep growing, the company's chief executive told potential IPO investors on Wednesday. Andrew Mason told investors who had gathered in Boston that the action was designed to improve the quality of the deals being offered. Groupon currently has a salesforce of over 4,800, according to its IPO prospectus.

Do you know upwards of 480 people who can help sell local merchants on a product of an oversaturated market whose yield has been likened to a ponzi scheme-like facesmashing of small businesses? Well, we've got just the job for you!

Speaking of discounts on facesmashings, Google's got one for its competition, be they Groupon or Groupon's Groupie Imitators, as Google Offers announced their own daily deals overhaul today:

Google Offers business will distribute daily deals from at least 15 other daily deal sites, including Gilt City, kgbdeals, TIPPR, Plum District and Juice in the City. Google Offers subscribers in the San Francisco Bay Area will get the new deals first, but the company plans to roll out the bigger inventory of deals to new cities in coming months.

Spit-take: Gilt City is a huge get for Google. Also, it will be fun to watch Google attempt to punish a company for not taking $6B of their money. 5PM Jewelery and Beadmaking Class in Brooklyn? $20. Watching two epic companies bloody each other over who can shill more coupons? Priceless.

Take, for example, the following quote from Mr. Mason's letter to potential stockholders:

"If you’re thinking about investing, hopefully it’s because, like me, you believe that Groupon is better positioned than any company in history to reshape local commerce. The speed of our growth reflects the enormous opportunity before us to create a more efficient local marketplace. As with any business in a new industry, success for our investors is not guaranteed. We have yet to reach sustained profitability and we have no shortage of competition. Our path will include some moments of brilliance and others of sheer stupidity. Knowing that this will at times be a bumpy ride, we thank you for considering joining us."

Okay, okay: to be fair, links and emphasis ours, but there's some ominous juju about comparing your stock debut to a nauseating flight. And while we're focusing on the negative, let's take a peek into Groupon's self-awareness regarding risk-reward returns. This is, according to Groupon, what could kill Groupon:

Our Risks

Our business is subject to a number of risks of which you should be aware before making an investment decision. These risks are discussed more fully under the caption ‘‘Risk Factors,’’ and include but are not limited to the following:

• we may not maintain the revenue growth that we have experienced since inception;

• we have experienced rapid growth over a short period in a new market we have created and we do not know whether this market will continue to develop or whether it can be maintained;

• we base our decisions regarding investments in subscriber acquisition on assumptions regarding our ability to generate future profits that may prove to be inaccurate;

• we have incurred net losses since inception and we expect our operating expenses to increase significantly in the foreseeable future;

• if we fail to retain our existing subscribers or acquire new subscribers, our revenue and business will be harmed;

• if we fail to retain existing merchants or add new merchants, our revenue and business will be harmed;

• our business is highly competitive and competition presents an ongoing threat to the success of our business;

• if we are unable to recover subscriber acquisition costs with revenue generated from those subscribers, our business and operating results will be harmed;

• if we are unable to maintain favorable terms with our merchants, our revenue may be adversely affected; and

• our operating cash flow and results of operations could be adversely impacted if we change our merchant payment terms or our gross billings do not continue to grow.

Many of those problems they've definitely experienced! Riding the Groupon Gravy Train is a bit like Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, if Mr. Toad's Wild Ride occasionally ruined businesses and/or helped save them and had a fluctuating worth of billions of dollars depending on which car you got in and what time of year you decided to visit Disney/Grouponland.

fkamer@observer.com | @weareyourfek