Imagine if your next false diagnosis of bone cancer or gout came from a real doctor instead of an automated database. This idea could be thrilling if you’re a sane person who happens to dislike going to the doctor–not so much if you’re an obsessive online symptom checker.
Either way, WebMD is getting closer to making it a reality. With their purchase of the health startup Avado, they’ll be beefing up their doctor-patient interactions–and possibly giving the Internet’s biggest hypochondriacs actual, not imagined, heart attacks.
If you avoid Instagram on Sunday afternoons due to the endless stream of mimosa-and-omelet photos it yields, you may be missing an opportunity for weight loss.
A BYU study found that maybe, just maybe, “seeing photos of certain foods, as opposed to eating them, still gives you a feeling of satiation, which makes those foods less appealing” when you go to stuff them in your face IRL, TechCrunch reports.
Go Home Science You're Drunk
Some scientists may have found the key to eliminating overeating. Much to our surprise, the secret does not lie in a Kardashian-endorsed diet pill.
Instead, it may be as simple as aiming a laser into your skull to deactivate your desire to stuff your face. Way easier than going for a run, in our opinion.
Young people these days — “millennials,” if you will — catch a lot of flack because of how chilled out and awesome they are. One thing that is kind of annoying about people born from about 1985 onward, though, is their tendency to sometimes say the word “like” every five seconds and end every sentence as if it were a question kind of?
Luckily, though, scientists are developing sensors built to sit inside people’s mouths. The technology will be able to monitor users’ eating, smoking and speech habits, Fast Co. reports.
Let's Not Get Physical
Some zany scientists claim that in the future, we’ll be able to lose weight by taking a pill and not actually moving. No, they’re not talking about Adderall.
Two new studies “investigate the enticing possibility” of such a drug, the New York Times reports, although “there remains the question of whether such a move is wise.” Probably the only people who would question the wisdom of never having to work out again are Vibram-wearing freaks. But we digress.
Rejoice and be glad, lazies: science is pretty much retracting past claims that all adults should be working out for a whopping 30 minutes a day.
At a recent meeting of the American College of Sports Medicine, “one of the hottest topics was not how much exercise Americans should be completing, but how little,” the New York Times reports. From the Times:
Technology continues to ruin everything with the new Kitchen Safe, a Tupperware container with a timed lock on top.
The container is big enough to fit cookies, croissants, donuts, cronuts, PlayStation controllers, cell phones and pretty much all the fun things.
Dust off that whip! Despite the fact that the DSM-V has managed to wedge those who practice BDSM into the category of “paraphilia,” or an unusual sexual preference, a recent study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that those with a little taste for kink are actually more psychologically healthy than those who just lie there like dead fish.
It’s no secret that Betabeat is a big fan of the stranger side of futurism, but we would not advise avoiding minimal routine surgery just because of the Singularity. A Redditor named imememine posted to r/Futurology wondering if he should skip having his hemorrhoids removed since in a few decades we’ll all be transported to cyborg bodies, anyway.
If Wall-e has anything to say about it, Segways–or, a form of wheeled transportation for people too busy to use their two legs to walk–are the symbol of the great American downfall. In the future, we’ll all be wheeled around while we snort potato chips and play Tetris with our minds.
Not content to just discourage people from using their bodies, the inventor of the Segway now has a new genius ploy to incentivize completely giving up: it’s a pump that sucks all the food you just ate right out of your stomach, allowing people to eat whatever they want without facing the caloric impact. So … kind of like scientifically-sanctioned bulimia, minus the puking part?