This guy, but with shoe polish on his face. (Photo: Long Island Press)

Just when you thought the story of antivirus king John McAfee--who's wanted for questioning by Belizean police for the murder of his neighbor Gregory Faull--couldn't get any stranger, dude goes and starts a blog about how he's managed to evade police by posing as a dolphin carving peddler who sticks tampons up his nose.

In a blog called Who is McAfee?, which suspiciously resembles a marketing ploy for the upcoming graphic novel about his life The Hinterland, Mr. McAfee spares no details in describing exactly what it's like to be on the run from authorities in Central America. He writes of how he altered his appearance to avoid arrest by dying his hair and beard, darkening his skin with shoe polish and stuffing a "shaved down tampon deep into my right nostril and [dying] the tip dark brown – giving my nose an awkward, lopsided, disgusting appearance." Whatever works? And instead of going into hiding in some underground bunker like a normalfugitive, Mr. McAfee has adopted some not-exactly-subtle personalities, perhaps as a "screw you" to police forces that are pulling out all the stops to track him down:

On subsequent days using different disguises, I did the same general thing, one day selling tamales and burritos that I had purchased wholesale from a real vendor, on another pretending to be a drunk German tourist with a partially bandaged face and wearing speedo swimming trunks and a distasteful, oversized Hawaiian shirt and yelling loudly at anyone who would listen – “Leck mich um ausch!”. At 67 years of age it was quite a spectacle.

For the uninitiated, Google translates "Leck mich um ausch" to "Lick me to Auschwitz." (A reader wrote in to tell us that a more accurate translation might be, "Lick my ass.")

Mr. McAfee has also put the spotlight on a 20-year-old woman named Samantha, who in addition to keeping him clothed and fed, has also used her womanly wiles to keep him out of jail:

She has also helped me evade detection by grabbing me and kissing me, in public, in a fashion that causes passerby’s to feel embarrassment at the thought of staring and by creating emotional scenes that cause the curious to momentarily forget what they were looking for.  She is acutely aware of her surroundings and is as street smart as a sober hobo.

We suppose galavanting around Central America in costume with a 20-year-old who adores you is preferable to choking on your own vomit in a Belize jail. But blogging about your escapades is inadvisable when wanting to stay hidden: Now Belizean police know that if they want to find Mr. McAfee, they needn't look any further than the dude in blackface with a tampon up his nose.

This guy, but with black hair. (Photo: Long Island Press)

Antivirus software creator and bath salts enthusiast John McAfee is on the lam in Central America. He's wanted by the Belizean police in connection to the murder of his neighbor Gregory Faull, and now he's in disguise. Well, kind of.

Wired reporter Joshua Davis has been tweeting live dispatches from Mr. McAfee, who has been updating him almost hourly on his current status. "McAfee on phone just now: I have radically altered my appearance," Mr. David tweeted yesterday. But according to the accompanying Wired blog post, Mr. McAfee's "radical" plan amounts to a box of hair dye. His beard, hair and eyebrows are now “jet black.”

So far, Mr. McAfee's escape has switched over from the bathroom disguise scene in a Jason Bourne movie to the part where they play the intense violin music. According to Wired, he's been "riding in boats, huddling on the floorboards of taxis, sleeping in a bed that he said was infested with lice."

But aside from the fact that his roots will look awful, the last minute dye job may have been a bad decision when it comes to that whole people-not-thinking-you're-a-murderer thing. As Mr. McAfee told Wired. “I’ll probably look like a murderer, unfortunately.”

Do the Belizean police even need to put out an APB for a dark-haired, lice-infested white dude with tribal shoulder tattoos? Or can they just start raiding gringo bars?

(Photo: PC Mag)

John McAfee, creator of the anti-virus software your parents run on their desktop computer, is wanted by Belizean police for the alleged murder of his neighbor, fellow American expat Gregory Faull. Now he's on the lam, hiding from law enforcement who he claims will kill him if he's brought in for questioning. Perhaps his paranoia can be chalked up to his documented penchant for bath salts and other psychoactive drugs?

Wired nabbed an exclusive interview with Mr. McAfee from an unknown hiding place in Belize. He maintains his innocence--alluding to the fact that perhaps whoever killed Mr. Faull had meant to kill him instead--and elaborates on just how he managed to escape the clutches of the police. The whole thing sounds like an early-aughts drug movie starring Johnny Depp:

As Belizean police combed the property of expat antivirus pioneer John McAfee Sunday afternoon, McAfee was closer than they could have known. He’d seen them coming, and says he hid — burying himself in the sand with a cardboard box over his head so he could breathe. “It was extraordinarily uncomfortable,” he says, in an exclusive interview with Wired. “But they will kill me if they find me.”

Mr. McAfee also claims that following several complaints from neighbors about his barking pack of security dogs, the Belizean police subsequently poisoned the animals to death.

Still, Mr. McAfee has no intention of leaving Belize. "It’s the nicest place on earth," he told Wired. Except for that whole "the police want to kill you" thing.