BB bb (Photo: Instagram)

Glasshole Missed Connection Betabeat finally had the distinct pleasure of trying the dorky looking face computer we love to mock so much at a party last night at Meetup HQ. We (only slightly drunkenly) approached a tall white dude donning Google Glass and timidly asked if we might be able to try it on. When we slipped on the device (in slate!), the display was incredibly blurry--not due to our eyesight, but because Glass specifically calibrates to the wearer's eye. It was hard as hell to see, but the voice commands worked almost seamlessly, impressive since we were at a loud party.

The device's functionality is fairly limited: you can take a picture, record video and get directions to and from places. It also has the added benefit of making you look like a complete dork while somehow also attracting swaths of attractive ladies to get up real close to your face.

As it turns out, the Glasshole bro developed a crush on a Betabeat acquaintance, but even his face computer couldn't help him remember her name or even what she looked like. Instead, knowing only where she worked, he sent a LinkedIn message to a coworker he thought was her, but nope. (They do have the same hair color.) The coworker then forwarded his picture around the office asking if anyone had met him the night prior and wanted to date him. In the picture, he was wearing Glass.

A source also tells Betabeat that the Glass-wearing dude is working on a facial recognition app for the device that would take a person's picture and tell the wearer what their name is. You do you, Mr. Glasshole, but you might want to get on that one sooner rather than later.

Royal Joyriding  Important update in the Yellow Cab Wars: Here is a photo of Prince Harry (you know, the hot one) getting a personal demo from Hailo's cofounder:

Hailo co-founder Russ showed Prince Harry how to use Hailo to get home after a big night at the @uktiusa Tech event: hailo.to/l4naQ

— HailoNYC (@HailoNYC) May 15, 2013

Breakfast Breakup If you make a breakfast date with Ben Lerer, don't you dare stand him up. Mr. Lerer tweeted that he had early morning breakfast plans with Gawker publisher Nick Denton (at Balthazar, we assume?), but that the media mogul failed to show. Perhaps Mr. Denton was getting a head start on wedding planning.

https://twitter.com/BenjLerer/status/333934325286436866

What Is... Eyeroll Jeopardy does its best to related to the youngs during its college editions. As such, Wednesday's episode featured a category called "Yo-lo," as well as an entire column devoted to "Techie Dropouts." Tech familiars name-checked in that round included Kevin Rose, David Karp and Mark Zuckerberg. Aaron Swartz was the $2,000 answer.

https://twitter.com/1uigi/status/335006407361433600

(Photo: Tumblr)

A Meetup for Meetups Last night, we climbed an interminable number of stairs to reach the rooftop where Meetup was holding a celebration for its 100 millionth RSVP. We arrived to find hotdogs, plentiful kegs and even a tiny lawn made of AstroTurf. Musical accompaniment was provided by (what else?) a local bluegrass Meetup.

Among the crowd we spotted Laughing Squid’s Scott Beale in conversation with man-about-town Rex Sorgatz, Branch’s Josh Miller chowing down on a hot dog, and Small Girl Mallory Blair working the crowd. Lindsay Kaplan and Richard Blakely, Baratunde Thurston, Chris Kennedy and Kickstarter’s Fred Benenson also turned out.

“Meetup got started when there were two towers over there. Now there’s one tower going 1776 feet in the air. And Meetup wouldn’t be here if that tragedy didn’t happen,” said founder Scott Heiferman, standing up to extemporize a few remarks. “The worst things happen when people meet up. But thankfully, more often, the best things happen in life when people meet up.”

As we rode the Gilded Age elevator back downstairs later that evening, several people pulled out their phones to check their Hailo reservations. “I Hailo’d three times today,” one said proudly.

Wedding Bells Last weekend, at a ranch in Glen Ellen, California, New York Times columnist David Pogue married his longtime girlfriend, PR pro Nicole Vosshall Dugan. No word whether the vows included a brief but tasteful disclosure.

Mistaken identity Recently, one Betabeat reporter found herself in her umpteenth conversation about Lean In. A male developer frowned and announced, befuddled: "Oh, I thought that was a lean startup book." So, there’s that.

We’re Puking. Here’s a cool glimpse of what they’re serving up in Hell, er Silicon Valley: Angry Bird-themed sushi rolls! Much to Selina Meyer’s relief, it isn’t a fine Finnish import and it’s not made of real birds-- just fake fish. We don’t know what tastes more depressing: the Angry Birds II roll (filled with mango, torched salmon, and “special sauces”) or the OMG roll that contains a spring mix salad and torched white tuna. What’s worse is that the ginger is probably served room temperature.

https://twitter.com/jowyang/status/333750310633873408

Better than a “I’m With Stupid” mug. Oh, ha ha. Look at Jack “the Jokester” Dorsey everyone! The personified short-circuiting Twitter feed joked that he was giving arch nemesis Mark Zuckerberg one of his snazzy new Square stands for his “hoodie business.” It’s a joke because the Facebook CEO wears a lot of hoodies! The animated interaction happened on Twitter, a website that Mr. Zuckerberg (née @finkd) hasn’t used since 2012. We really need to figuring out a neutral platform for these two nerds to troll each other on. Reddit?

https://twitter.com/jack/status/334339997626949634

Only models look this good in Glass. (Photo: Google)

The world is rapidly sorting itself into two camps: Glassholes, and people who want you to take that damn thing off your face. The latest concerned parties, according to the Wall Street Journal: the Congressional Bi-Partisan Privacy Caucus.

Imagine that: A bunch of politicians worried about a world where everyone wears a camera on his face, ready to snap a picture of any shenanigans by public figures.

Yesterday the group wrote an open letter to Larry Page, expressing their concerns:

"As members of the Congressional Bi-Partisan Privacy Caucus, we are curious whether this new technology could infringe on the privacy of the average American."

So they've got just a few questions, like "how Google plans to prevent Google glass from unintentionally collecting data about the user/non-user without consent" and "what proactive steps is Google taking to protect the privacy of non-users when Google Glass is in use" (we assume it's just a flyer suggesting you stay out of bathrooms with Robert Scoble). They're also concerned about facial recognition technology.

Larry would never have to deal with this kind of question in his lawless disruptors' Utopia.

Porn star. (Photo: Valleywag/Scoble)

It looks like porn studios have finally figured out a way to integrate Google Glass into their shoots.

XBIZ, the adult industry news website of record, reports that studios are eager to get their hands on the device to get a grasp of their "full potential." For example, since the face computers provide a more intimate angle than a traditional camera set-up, studios are thinking about making the actors wear them while they're in various positions.

One angle they're excited about is the personal point-of-view:

“Obviously a device that allows you to shoot high-quality video in a truly hands-free fashion will make shooting POV porn that much easier,” said Q Boyer, a spokesman for Pink Visual.

For Google Glass's next trick, maybe it can make us want to watch two Glass-wearing people fucking without feeling like we've stumbled upon some weird robot porn subreddit.

(Photo: Screencap)

Google made no attempt to top last year's I/O keynote, featuring skydivers. Instead, viewers were treated to a long, rambling meditation on progress from Google CEO Larry Page, who seemed none too keen on talking about Google Glass.

“Technology should do the hard work,” Mr. Page informed us all, “so that people can get on with doing the things that make them happiest in life.” He also suggested that, "being negative is not how we make progress." Somehow we doubt that outlook inspires Mr. Page to let his underlings off lightly when they screw something up.

The closest thing to a skydiver was when Robert Scoble popped up at the front of the line for Q&A, announcing himself as "one of the first glassholes." "Robert, I didn't appreciate the shower picture," Mr. Page replied.

But there were a few big announcements.

Google Maps Revamp The company has spruced up its flagship Maps product. Power the old gal up, and you'll get personalized recommendations and reviews from friends. Plus, you can now click on any point on the map and you'll get an info card with the option to get directions or open up StreetView--no more click-and-dragging the little orange man.

You also have the option of "EarthView," which is basically just Google Earth integrated into the service--no more downloading a separate app. You can now zoom all the way out to space and, apparently, see real-time weather conditions. (Not that that'll tell you whether you should wear a sweater tomorrow or not.)

Search You know that scene in Star Trek: The Voyage Home where Scottie picks up the mouse of the Apple II and tries talking to the computer? "The keyboard? How quaint."

"I dreamed of building that computer one day," admitted senior VO of search Amit Singhal when he took the stage to introduce today's big roll-out. "Little did I know that I would grow up to become the person responsible for building my dream." Google Now's conversational search is now available on the desktop (via Chrome), complete with voice recognition. You just say "OK Google," and away you go. This will make it incredibly easy to research luxury vacations while lying in bed eating leftover pizza, so thanks, Mountain View!

Plus Google Now is getting things like voice reminders and public transit info.

Google + A redesigned, card-based interface. Looks like the love child of Google Now and Pinterest. Photos look better. There are some hashtags. Zzz. Their "machine-learning algorithms" are also going to help you weed through your vacation photos. Thanks, HAL 9000! Also, they rolled out Hangouts as a cross-platform messaging app, available on Android, iOS, Gmail, etc.

Also among the announcements: a new subscription music service, atrociously named "Google Play Music All Access," to compete with Spotify; Google Wallet integration with Gmail.

Next year, Larry, bring the car.

The 10 percent. (Photo: Valleywag/Scoble)

Since Google has invented Glass, an intricately built face computer that's only purpose is to display Reddit while showering, it now has to entice the public to buy the dopey devices. If a new survey is to be believed, that'll be an uphill challenge: Just 10 percent of respondents would wear it on the regular--regardless of how much it costs.

BiTE Interactive talked to 1,000 American smartphone owners who said that they  didn't care for Glass's design. Around 45 percent said the device looks "too socially awkward" or "too irritating" to wear. Another 44 percent said they don't think Glass's features of, uh, displaying the weather, are desirable. It also doesn't help that Robert Scoble's picture is probably engrained into many of our minds.

Even though 10 percent of willing wearers sounds low, Boy Genius Report insists the news is not a kick in the face for GOOG:

As of the end of March, comScore estimates that 136.7 million people in the U.S. owned smartphones. If Google sells 13.6 million pairs of its Google Glass eyewear, it will be more successful than most smartphone models, and smartphones are almost a commodity at this point. The idea that 13.6 million people in the U.S. are even willing to wear Glass is simply remarkable.

Honestly, the idea of just 13.6 people wearing these things also sounds remarkable.

Hakuna matata, guys! (Photo: flickr.com/jolieodell)

We're entering a new age of ubiquitous surveillance, when you can't even embark on a wild night out in Brooklyn without worrying about some Glasshole uploading your embarrassing antics to YouTube. It's enough to make you wonder whether maybe we ought to worry about what governments and corporations will do with the technical ability to track, oh, everything.

But do you know what Google chairman Eric Schmidt says to that? No worries, ya'll!

CNET reports that in a talk at NYU promoting his book The New Digital Age, he told the crowd:

"A world where everything is going to be tracked is 'highly unlikely to occur because people will be upset about it,' Schmidt said during an event with New York University Professor Nouriel Roubini and Jared Cohen, director of Google ideas.

'Governments won't allow it, and it will be bad business," he said. "In a competitive environment, businesses actually want their consumers to be happy.'"

If you say so, Mr. Schmidt!

Bad news, nerds. (screencap)

Watch Saturday Night Live skewer Google Glass-obsessed tech reporters. [The Verge]

A drone got stuck on a statue on top of a courthouse in Ohio. Welcome to the future! [AP]

"When some future Mars colonist is able to open his browser and watch a cat in a shark suit chasing a duck while riding a roomba, they will have Vint Cerf to thank." Mmmkay. [Wired]

Betabeat feels obliged to point out that the world's first 3D-printed gun, the "Liberator," has the same name as a sex pillow. [Forbes]

The sci fi folk at Tor Books say removing DRM hasn't put a dent in its ebook sales. [Ars Technica]

r/toolrocket (Photo: Tumblr)

Reddit, the social "news" website with a fetish for identifying backpack straps, is now available for Google Glass. The app is aptly titled “Reddit Timeline” and is now available to Glassholes who crave sexism delivered straight to their eyeballs.

The current version shows the top 25 posts from Reddit's homepage, supports GIFs, and has the ability to up or down vote threads, presumably by sensing your tears. You can also reply to comments using your voice and share posts to #socialmedia. Google released Glass' API to developers a few weeks ago as the face computer readies for public consumption.

You know who is going to be pumped by this? White dudes!

Testing, one, two, testing. (screencap)

Who's afraid of a little ? Google, apparently, and the company's squeamishness regarding dirty language is likely to render Glass borderline unusable for sailors and those of us who prefer our conversation extra salty.

Geek.com points out that the company's voice translation technology (like most similar programs) censors curses. How prim!  With smartphones or browsers you can just edit manually, but wearable tech isn't so simple.

And so:

"If you’re using Glass, there’s no other options for text input. Much like the updated controls over SafeSearch, Google’s going to be in control here. Unlike SafeSearch, there’s absolutely no way to disable this filter. The settings give you no control over this right now, and since there’s no Off switch on any of Google’s other voice services it seems unlikely we’ll see one here."

Fuck that shit.

This guy won't be a lonely outlier forever.(Photo: Road to VR)

Google Glass is already popping up in San Francisco and Brooklyn, and it seems every competitor is scrambling to develop their own prototype. So it's not that surprising that, according to ZDNet, the tech industry is expected to ship 9.4 million units of the damn things (Glass and knock-offs) by 2016.

Like it wasn't already awkward enough using public restrooms. 

That number comes from a report by IHS iSuppli. But there's a caveat: The analysts admit that whether this prediction bears out depends largely on what developers create for the devices. "This is because the utility of Google Glass is not readily apparent, so everything will depend on the appeal of the apps," the report says. Suggested use cases include live travel updates and nutritional information, for bonus quantified-self insufferableness.

If the specs end up being little more than a camera that sits on your face, the report hedges, shipments will likely be closer to a million units. Because you don't actually need a camera that sits on your face.