(Photo: Facebook)

First they came for smoking in parks, but we didn't speak out because we don't like to subject other people to our own waltz with death; then they came for the soda, but we didn't speak out because we're kind of impartial about sugary beverages. But when they came for the vibrators? That's when shit got real.

The NYPD put the kibosh on Trojan's vibrator giveaway yesterday, lamely claiming that the crowd had grown too large and Trojan needed a city permit.

“I’m 57 years old. I should be able to get a vibrator!” one outraged New York citizen told the New York Post, which could barely contain its glee at the overflowing opportunity for incredible puns.

For example:

Trojan sent tingles of excitement across the city when it announced the giveaway of some 10,000 vibrating sex toys from hot-dog-style pushcarts ... But instead of climaxing in a successful giveaway, the promotion was prematurely interrupted by City Hall, which sent a dark-suited representative to put the squeeze on Trojan’s “Pleasure Carts.”

Time to disrupt the NYPD?

(Photo: Facebook)

It's the dog days of summer--humid and sticky and icky--so we can't blame you if you're looking for some sweet relief. If you're pining for a pick-me-up that doesn't involve an icy alcoholic beverage or a slab of street meat, perhaps Trojan can interest you in a lil' somethin somethin.

According to the New York Times, the company is handing out free samples of its Tri-Phoria and Pulse "personal massagers." You know what that means. ;)

Trojan has transformed two hot dog carts into "Pleasure Carts" and will be pushing them up and down the streets of Manhattan to designated locations in the Flatiron and Meatpacking district (how appropriate). There, the teams will hand out vibrators--until supplies last, of course.

They're actually going to be in the Flatiron today at 4. Hmm, we think we know a few tech startups in that area.

(Photo: Facebook)

Hey, you with the messy hair and Ray-Bans: aren't you so excited about McCarren Park Pool reopening after 28 years? So is TV streaming service Aereo, which is offering 28 one-year subscriptions in celebration of the occasion. All you have to do is follow @AereoTV, tweet at @AereoTV with the hashtag #aereobythepool.

At first glance, the contest's flyer is a little confusing. Are they offering a 28-year subscription, we wondered? Luckily the official rules shed some light on that question: "Twenty-eight (28) one-year memberships to Promotion Sponsor’s membership platform will be given away as prizes to the first twenty-eight (28) eligible entrants."

Phew, we thought a 28-year subscription was a little too hubris-heavy for our fast-moving technological society. We're sure we'll be fully entrenched in the Singularity by 2040 anyway, with TVs embedded into contact lenses.

Last time we checked there were only 15 entrants, so tweet your hearts out, TV lovers!