Some 30 year olds. (Photo: Xfinity)

According to a new study on longevity, 72 is the new 30, so shut up about your quarter-life crisis.

The Financial Times broke down the study, which examined men from Sweden and Japan, two countries with very high life expectancy rates. The scientists found that primitive cavemen had the same odds of dying at age 30 as Swedish or Japanese men do now at age 72. Since 1900, longevity "has risen faster than it did in the previous 200 millennia since modern man began to evolve from hominid species."

While some futurists are into techniques that are a little more out-there, like cryogenic freezing, life extension is slowly creepy into the mainstream with recent public support from bold-faced names like Mark Zuckerberg and Sergie Brin.

Somewhere in a tricked-out Google office Ray Kurzweil is rubbing together his bionic hands and madly cackling.

Ms. Suozzi (Photo: Venturist.info)

Back in August, a 23-year-old woman named Kim Suozzi took to Reddit armed with a painful story. While studying neuroscience in college, Ms. Suozzi was diagnosed with a fatal brain tumor that gave her a six to 10 month median survival rate. Ms. Suozzi had an avid interest in cyronics and the life-extension possibilities it promised. So she posted to the r/Athiesm subreddit asking users to contribute donations so that she might be able to afford cryopreservation.

Now, according to the organization that helped solicit donations for Ms. Suozzi, she passed away earlier this month and went into cryopreservation on January 17th.

"Unfortunately the most interesting thing [I've done] is get a terminal disease at a young age,” Ms. Suozzi wrote in her original Reddit post, published back in August.

Many Redditors, wary of scam artists that take advantage of the community's good intentions in order to make a quick buck, were initially skeptical of Ms. Suozzi's arguments. Others argued that successful cryopreservation is not necessarily proven by scientific fact. But futurists from communities across the web, including Less Wrong, KurzweilAI and r/Futurism, picked up on her story and began to organize to help make her dying wish a possibility.

Soon, an Arizona-based nonprofit called the Society for Venturism--which had already funded two other cryopreservation requests--spearheaded a charity effort for Ms. Suozzi. Along with help from Redditors and members of the futurist community, Ms. Suozzi was able to successfully raise enough funds to ensure she would be cryogenically preserved following her death. Ms. Suozzi is currently cryogenically suspended at the Alcor Life Extension Foundation, where she will remain until it becomes scientifically possible to "reanimate" her.

According to the Society for Venturism:

Kim Suozzi reportedly deanimated in a hospice in Scottsdale, AZ, and went into cryosuspension at the Alcor Life Extension Foundation on January 17, 2013, funded mainly by the donations many people have made to the Society for Venturism. On behalf of Miss Suozzi, we wish to thank you for your compassion and generosity.

May science speed you, Miss Suozzi. We look forward to having you alive and whole amongst us again, no matter how long it takes.

The Society for Venturism has already begun collecting donations for another man, named Aaron Winburn, who is also suffering from a fatal condition and hopes to be cryogenically preserved.

(Photo: Batdoc)

Ah, the medical professional fantasy: pretty mundane fodder for a generation reared on porn, but still immensely popular. Bedding a nurse is the number one fantasy among men, in case you haven't been to a Halloween party in the past 25 years.

Now, some futurists are predicting that robots will have a dual function in our impending utopian society: not only will they care for us when we're sick, but they'll also satisfy our sexual fantasies in the process.

Transhumanity.net predicts that medical robots will eventually come equipped with a program that allows them to use sex as a perk to help them stand out in the crowded marketplace. Why hire a doctor robot when you can hire a doctor robot with BOOBS?

Imagine this, dudes. Your doctor who attends to your rectal health is a curvy she’bot who straps you face down with your legs spread for a prostrate exam and colonoscopy. After freshening the air with lime spray from her nipples, she divinely massages you, before gliding her slippery 18-inch techno-tongue into your anus.

The nurse would eventually bring the patient to orgasm--mostly for medical reasons, of course! First longevity orgasms and now sexy doctor robots? No wonder transhumanists are so in love with the future. Though we have to admit, this whole thing sounds like it's rooted more in personal fantasy than scientific research.

It seems we may have a long way to go before we reach sexy nurses, though. The current iteration of robot nurses looks more like a cuddly teddy bear than something you'd want to let touch your intimate parts:

(Photo: CNET)

Kinky. (Photo: iO9)

When last we checked in on the future of sex, transhumanists were bragging about longevity orgasms administered by cutting edge sex robots. Now, in-vitro meat--that is, meat grown in test tubes by applying a protein to animal muscle cells--may spice up our sex lives by providing a guilt-free way to dip into the sexier side of cannibalism.

Since growing in-vitro meat doesn't require harming the animal, we could ostensibly feast on test tube meats created from exotic creatures like Komodo dragons. But in addition to helping create a healthier planet and accomplishing the impossible (successfully placating PETA), in-vitro meat could have some kinkier implications.

According to Transhumanity.net:

Humans are animals, so every hipster will try cannibalism. Perhaps we’ll just eat people we don’t like, as author Iain M. Banks predicted in his short story, “The State of the Art” with diners feasting on “Stewed Idi Amin.” But I imagine passionate lovers literally eating each other, growing sausages from their co-mingled tissues overnight in tabletop appliances similar to bread-making machines. And of course, masturbatory gourmands will simply gobble their own meat.

Because nothing says "I love you" like gnawing on the scientifically-grown body part of your significant other. Happy Thanksgiving!