(Photo: Wikipedia)

It's apparently easier than ever to make like Neely O'Hara and hoard red pills, blue pills, all the pills, just by clicking a mouse. Thanks again, Internet.

The National Association of Attorneys General say a plethora of prescription drugs and their counterfeit counterparts are available online, and it's partly Google's fault.

Mississippi Attorney General Jim Hood charges that Google is still running (and presumably accepting payment for) ads for illegal online pharmacies, as reported in USA Today -- all this despite Google already having paid $500 million in 2011 to settle Justice Department charges over ads for fake pharmacies.

The gigantic search engine also isn't doing much to keep pill purveyors' websites from popping up in searches, the NAAG alleges.

Google says it's trying to curb the activity. From USA Today:

"'We take the safety of our users very seriously and we've explained to Attorney General Hood how we enforce policies to combat rogue online pharmacies and counterfeit drugs,' Google said in a statement late Thursday. 'In the last two years, we've removed more than 3 million ads for illegal pharmacies, and we routinely remove videos that are flagged for violating YouTube's Guidelines regarding dangerous or illegal content.'"

The attorneys insist, though, that it's not even hard to find digital pharmacies through Google.

In addition to the NAAG complaints, a separate advocacy group called Digital Citizens Alliance will release a report on Monday about how YouTube fosters drug use by having become a haven for how-to vids, some of which contain links to drug-selling sites, reports USA Today. Well, how else are teenagers supposed to learn to roll joints? The ads on YouTube are content-related, meaning an ad for managing chronic back pain will appear on a video explaining how to buy painkillers without a prescription, USA Today reports. Convenient!

The party poopers at NAAG have reportedly invited Google CEO Larry Page to come have a chin wag about the issue at a national meeting of the attorneys general (sounds like a riot!) on June 17, but Mr. Page hasn't yet responded to the invitation.

While Google and the attorneys sort this out, remember kids: drugs are bad.

[H/T USA Today]

Teen bait. (Photo: Wikipedia)

While we were all losing our shit about teens sexting on Snapchat, those sneaky creatures moved on to a new terrifying trend.  A CBS 2 I-Team investigation breathlessly reported that the newest “growing and disturbing” trend is huffing flowers to get high, and it's ruining more lives than Selena Gomez.

Teens are seeking out flowers in the Datura plant family, which at least means they're paying attention in biology. Because they're FLOWERS, the plants are readily available and--when sniffed--ignite a feeling of hallucination that can last for days. Other spooky side effects include paranoia, vomiting and heart palpitations. (Frankly that sounds our lot like prom night.)

But CBS 2 deserves a purple medal for talking to some teens, who wished to remain anonymous so they're not kicked off the swim team or whatever. One said that he “actually thought” he was going blind, and another scarred user said the sensation lasted for hours, even though it sounds like his mom gave him too much NyQuil:

“My trip lasted over 30 hours. You really can’t tell the difference between what’s real and what’s a dream,” another user explained.

Thousands of people a year are hospitalized from getting high from Datura plants.

At least no one has been hurt from Snapchatting.

(H/T Gothamist)

Not as glamorous as the movies make it seem. (Photo: Redbox.com)

Talk about a dubious distinction: Wired reports that an Australian man named Paul Leslie Howard is now the first to be convicted of a crime involving Silk Road, the Mos Eisley of the Internet. Mr. Howard copped to importing hard drugs using the site, and he now faces as many as 25 years in prison.

But does this signal a coming crackdown?

The Silk Road aspect of the case is causing quite the stir. When Mr. Howard was arrested, local law enforcement issued an ominous press release promising they'd get anyone using the site. It seems the pearl-clutching continued as the case went to trial, as well. Aussie paper The Age says the presiding judge showed alarm at the idea of just how easy Silk Road seemed: "Any kid short of money can become a part-time drug importer."

The prosecutor also read from Mr. Howard's early posts on the site, which certainly make it sound like just about anybody can refashion himself as Omar from The Wire: "Hey guys, I'm just starting out here. I'm Aus based and only shipping to Aus as not to roach on anyone's turf," he wrote, adding, "I'm keen for any tips or just some chat from you guys as I'm still learning!"

But it's not like Mr. Howard was convicted on the strength of his Silk Road profile alone. According to The Age, authorities first seized some of the man's drugs while in transit--through the damn mail--from the Netherlands and Germany. That was followed by a raid, in which the cops found "digital scales, clip seal bags, $2300 cash, a money counter and 35 stun guns disguised as mobile phones."

The police also got two mobile phones with more than 20,000 text messages, which said things like: "I got 5 grand worth if you want", " ... promote the LSD I got more in. I sold 200 cubes last week" and "no cubes left atm but some other 'things' u might like!"

Yeah, the prosecutor probably didn't have to pull any all-nighters on this one. We suspect this is less the sign of a coming crackdown than a reminder of a) why you shouldn't have drugs shipped to your house and b) all the ways in which Weeds was unrealistic.

Nonetheless, it's worth noting that here in the U.S., the DEA is well aware of the site's existence and investigating. So don't do anything dumb, okay?

Ubiquitous Seamless subway ads (Photo: Twitter/Caro)

Sure, social networks may know you better than Seamless--Facebook knows what you like, Google knows what you search for, Twitter knows who you follow, OkCupid knows how you like it. But ordering meals to your door is still an oddly intimate experience. Often you're sitting in your home hungry, lazy, vulnerable to your body's demands, and chances are, sporting attire that should not see the light of day.

Perhaps that's why the New York City-based food delivery company gets such special "special instructions" from its customers. Seamless was kind enough to provide Betabeat the search results for particular keywords from 2012.. This is what they found.

NAKED

• apartment is in the rear building, if you hurry up a naked chick will 100% answer the door for you. I win.
• please deliver the food naked. thank you.

HIGH

• I want a high five when you hand me my food
• Please high-five as many people as possible on your way in

WEED

• Entrance to basement apartment is on left hand side of building, through the black gate. I smoked mad weed and I got a new video game so don't break your balls getting here.

PANTS

• We apologize in advance if the person who answers the door is not wearing pants.

DRUGS

• Extra sides of Kung fu ketchup and drugs

STONED

• Red pepper and oregano please hurry I'm stoned
• Come fast, we're stoned.

DRAW

• Please draw an epic battle between a boxing robot and a sexy pirate on the bag. Thank you in advance.
• Please draw a giraffe on our bag! You guys are awesome!
• If the pasta comes in a box, or any sturdy container, draw a ninja dragon on it
• draw a cartoon pizza superhero on the box
• Please draw a picture of a cat saying "hello there!" on the box/bag.
• Please draw a panda on the paper bag, my daughter loves pandas.
• Please draw or attempt to draw a whale on the bag.
• Please include a side of ranch dressing. and draw a cool cartoon on the pizza box. :)
• Please draw Santa Clause riding a dragon on the bag
• If you can, please draw something interesting on the bag. I want to win a bet.  (please)
• Draw a wizard on the box/bag
• Please draw on the box a stick-figure man in a bowtie fighting a dragon, shouting the words "HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLAY!!"
• On the inside of the large pizza box, can you draw a picture of a bear riding a whale, please? Thank you much!
• Please draw your favorite animal on the box if you have the time.
• Draw a picture of a cat on the box ^_^
• please draw a smiley face on a napkin and include.
• Draw a zombie ninja fighting a cyborg pirate on the box
• Please draw a power ranger on the bag
• Please draw a smiley face on the bag! And please include chopsticks (we just moved in and dont have silverware at the moment)
• Can you draw Stewie Griffon, from the show Familly guy?
• please draw a large octopus on the bag
• please draw a dinosaur ultimate fighting a zombie with a monocle on the delivery bag.
• Please draw a picture of your favorite thing in the world on the delivery bag!  :)
• Please draw a dragon fighting a unicorn on the receipt

All those pleases! So polite.

(Photo: India Current Affairs)

Back in the early aughts, when this reporter's parents were fast asleep, we'd take one of those 500 Free Hours of AOL CDs received in the mail every other day, unplug the phone line in our bedroom, and hook it up to our laptop so we could log on to saucy chat rooms and browse AOL Teen. Our parents, competent as they were, had no idea we spent half the night surfing a sluggish, largely harmless web.

We assumed teens these days–born with a smartphone glued to their mutant flesh–have it much easier, especially without having to muffle the sounds of dial-up. We were wrong.

CBS News reports that when the parents of a teenage girl in Sacramento told her she couldn't go on the Internet after 10 p.m., she crushed up sleeping pills and put them in milkshakes she bought them. Her parents were initially skeptical as to why the teen would buy something for them when usually all teens do is take, take, take and I never hear a thank you.

They also noted that the milkshakes tasted weird and only drank a quarter of them. But that was enough to get the teen what she wanted: her precious Internet time. Her parents conked out within the hour and she was free to Tumbl her little heart out.

“Drugging your parents so you can use the internet, never heard of that,” a neighbor told CBS. “That’s crazy.”

This isn't the first time the girl has resorted to the drugging tactic; her mother says she's in fact done it before, though perhaps not just to get online. Maybe the girl has been watching too much Twin Peaks on Netflix?

2013 is off to a great start!

Pills, pills, pills. (Photo: Global Post)

3D printing aficionados eager for the new technology to disrupt the vice market were dismayed to discover this week that the much-hyped 3D printed gun fired six shots before falling the f*ck apart. But fear not: Kurzweil AI reports that a new 3D printer has been developed, and this one prints drugs.

The new device allows scientists to print molecule-by-molecule, specifying exactly where to place each atom. This means they can create drugs from scratch in a faster and more streamlined way: Instead of testing out compounds to see "what sticks," the printer's software automatically matches created compounds with strands of DNA, allowing scientists to design "very specific drugs based on their molecular structure."

According to Kurzweil AI:

Using a simple “drag-and-drop” computer interface and DNA self-assembly techniques, Parabon NanoLabs researchers have developed a new automated method of drug development that could reduce the time required to create and test medications...To develop new drugs, scientists can use the CAD software to design molecular pieces with specific, functional components. The software then optimizes the design using a cloud supercomputing platform that uses proprietary algorithms to search for specific sets of DNA sequences that can self-assemble those components.

The 3D printer will also help find experimental new treatments, particularly when it comes to cancer drugs.

Of course, we can't ignore the implications an invention like this might have on the everyday lives of New Yorkers: For one, the great adderall shortage of 2012 may have finally found its savior.

(Photo: Etsy)

If you're on Etsy selling jewelry with real pot leaves embedded into it or bracelets that claim to cure all of your infertility woes, you better come up with a new marketing ploy ASAP. Because according to the Daily Dot, the twee-commerce site has begun cracking down on "drug-like substances" and products that make "medical drug claims."

Sooo... no weed soap then?

Writes the Dot:

“We have clarified the previous language from ‘drug-like substances’ to now be ‘medical drug claims about an item.’ A medical drug claim makes a correlation between a product and the cure or relief of a health condition or illness. In many cases, an item itself is not problematic, but the way it is presented with certain language is against this policy.”

A crude search for queries like "fertility," "medicinal" and "herbs" turns up a plethora of products that will probably be on the chopping block once Etsy moderators begin enforcing the new rule, which went into effect Wednesday.

What a shame, since we're sure that Greek Magical Dried Yallow Achelia Herb works exactly as advertised.

A hypothetical Silk Road customer. (Getty Images)

Australian authorities have put supposedly anonymized users surfing Silk Road for weed and other sundries on notice: the coppers are one step ahead of you. A joint press release published by the Australian Federal Police (AFP) and Australian Customs and Border Protection Service on Wednesday may serve as notice to anyone who is happily booting TOR and using the miracle of the Internet to score weapons-grade kush:

Silk Road is an overseas based illicit e-commerce website which facilitates the sale of drugs, weapons and other items prohibited under Australian law.

Law enforcement is well aware of this method of drug procurement and other illicit e-commerce platforms and are committed to identifying and combating users importing narcotics via this website into Australia.

This warning comes after a Melbourne resident was snagged for allegedly using Silk Road to transport unspecified narcotics into the country.

The most interesting part of the release might be a quote from customs official Alana Sullivan, who said, "Persons who buy or sell through online market places, on so-called 'anonymous' networks should understand that they are not guaranteed anonymity."

Ms. Sullivan's words may be a splash of cold water in the faces of  TOR users and Silk Road consumers around the world, or at least in the United States and Europe. If Aussie cops know where your Bitcoins go, who is to say American or European authorities are in the dark?

On the NYC sub-Reddit today, a user who goes by the handle "onmach" submitted a sincere inquiry about startup culture in New York. Onmach and a friend were considering a move out East, but the friend had a bad experience at a startup interview that devolved into what sounds like your standard brogramming nightmare. 

"When [onmach's friend] got there he did good at the technical interview, but then they took him to a bar and proceeded to get wasted, talk about getting wasted, talk about getting high all day, and that's about it.

Unfortunately my friend is not that kind of guy. He's just a nerd who loves to code and doesn't drink or do drugs. When he asked an aquaintance if this is what it is like up here, she told him that everyone is like that and it is expected to attend these types of functions. How could he not know that, she asked. Certainly this particular company would not hire him if he didn't fit in, so now he doesn't want to go to NYC at all anymore."

Later on in the thread, onmach elaborated on the post-interview binge. It was a Monday night and the entire company of 10 showed up. "Conversation was like, yeah we should bring a hookah into the office, and yeah I was supposed to do that project, but I got high all weekend," he wrote. After recounting the sloppy details, onmach asked, "So, what's the deal? Is this just how it is in manhattan at tech companies?"

Admittedly, generalizing an entire industry's culture based on a "sinking ship full of douchebags," as one Redditor put it, is ill-advised. And this kind of rowdy boy's club is exactly how you keep that ratio in tact. But from the comments, consensus seems to be that is not the norm. Regardless, responses offer some interesting insights into infrequently-discussed recreational habits of startups.

"At my small company, we are partially owned by a much larger, much more conservative company. I hang out with my friend and coworker, talk about recreational activities (...) and do some of that stuff." [Ed note: Reddit is that you??]

"Smaller companies are run based on however the CEO wants them run. Most tech companies are pretty laid back about drinking, but not to the point where they are going to do the interview at a bar. Maybe if you are doing a late interview (5-10pm or something) they will get you a beer or two. I think this was a one off experience."

"I mean... yeah.... lots of people smoke marijuana here, lol. On the plus side he's avoiding working for a company clearly not heading anywhere."

Of course, there's always the other extreme:

"A more common situation in NYC is ending up in a place that expects you to work your ass off 12+ hours a day."

"Literally, it allows buyers and users to sell illegal drugs online, including heroin, cocaine, and meth, and users do sell by hiding their identities through a program that makes them virtually untraceable," New York Senator Chuck Schumer said at a news conference Sunday.  He wants Silk Road, a website where users can purchase drugs using bitcoin, shut down immediately.

The simple truth is that bitcoin does lend itself to this kind of transaction, but was certainly not designed to facilitate money laundering or online drug abuse. Sadly, most of the public was introduced to bitcoin through Adrian Chen, the Gawker scribe who spotlighted Silk Road. "Making small talk with your pot dealer sucks. Buying cocaine can get you shot. What if you could buy and sell drugs online like books or light bulbs? Now you can: Welcome to Silk Road."

"It's a certifiable one-stop shop for illegal drugs that represents the most brazen attempt to peddle drugs online that we have ever seen. It's more brazen than anything else by lightyears."

Bitcoin is a digital peer-to-peer currency currently trading at about $9 to one bitcoin. Schumer described the process of converting dollars to bitcoins as, "An online form of money laundering used to disguise the source of money, and to disguise who's both selling and buying the drug."

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