By Jordan Valinsky 4/26 3:03pm

Go Home Science You're Drunk

Teen bait. (Photo: Wikipedia)

Destroy Your Garden Because Teens Have Found a Way to Get High Off Flowers

While we were all losing our shit about teens sexting on Snapchat, those sneaky creatures moved on to a new terrifying trend.  A CBS 2 I-Team investigation breathlessly reported that the newest “growing and disturbing” trend is huffing flowers to get high, and it’s ruining more lives than Selena Gomez.

Teens are seeking out flowers in the Datura plant family, which at least means they’re paying attention in biology. Because they’re FLOWERS, the plants are readily available and–when sniffed–ignite a feeling of hallucination that can last for days. Other spooky side effects include paranoia, vomiting and heart palpitations. (Frankly that sounds our lot like prom night.) Read More

By Jessica Roy 1/03 1:15pm

This Happened

(Photo: India Current Affairs)

Teen Drugs Her Parents’ Milkshakes So She Can Go on the Internet Past Curfew

Back in the early aughts, when this reporter’s parents were fast asleep, we’d take one of those 500 Free Hours of AOL CDs received in the mail every other day, unplug the phone line in our bedroom, and hook it up to our laptop so we could log on to saucy chat rooms and browse AOL Teen. Our parents, competent as they were, had no idea we spent half the night surfing a sluggish, largely harmless web.

We assumed teens these days–born with a smartphone glued to their mutant flesh–have it much easier, especially without having to muffle the sounds of dial-up. We were wrong.
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By Steve Huff 7/27/12 2:08pm

Law and Order

A hypothetical Silk Road customer. (Getty Images)

Australian Law Enforcement: Use Silk Road At Your Peril

Australian authorities have put supposedly anonymized users surfing Silk Road for weed and other sundries on notice: the coppers are one step ahead of you. A joint press release published by the Australian Federal Police (AFP) and Australian Customs and Border Protection Service on Wednesday may serve as notice to anyone who is happily booting TOR and using the miracle of the Internet to score weapons-grade kush: Read More