(Getty Images)

Have you ever wondered why there wasn't a Yelp but for people? Neither did we, but apparently there is, and it's called Dirty Bubble. If you're not turned off by the name, just wait until you hear what it does.

Dirty Bubble fancies itself as "a place for people to rate, share and review their previous relationships and hookups," and allows users to make profiles—not for themselves—but for their exes. Then, would-be suitors can read reviews and see how many stars their potential date got in categories like sanity, generosity and hygiene. "Why?" the introductory video rhetorically asks, "Wouldn't you want to know a little about someone's background or personality before dating them?" Actually, no, we wouldn't—or at least we don't want to hear about it the same way we want to read reviews about the Lumia 900 or the new iPad.

Many of today's eligible bachelors are so accustomed to looking up absolutely everything that it now seems to be the exception for two people to go out without at least checking out each other's Facebook profiles. But what happened to the blind date? The intrigue, the mystery? Review and rating sites definitely have their place in this world: we love them. But how did no one in the Dirty Bubble development meeting raise the notion that applying the properties of Yelp and Foursquare to people in the dating scene encourages objectivity and is just flat out creepy? Try this: if you're out with someone that doesn't click—just say goodbye and walk away. Like a normal person.

Dirty Bubble ensures all your reviews are collected in one place by requiring all users to login with Facebook Connect and then find their victim's corresponding profile. If this service has to exist, at least there's a method to it. The problem is that users can only review those that they're already Facebook friends with. So even if you got the first and last name of the sultry barfly you stumbled into the night with, you're not going to be able to dish until that friend request gets approved.

The video, which is so unapologetically sincere, tells us that, "for the record, once you join, your profile is completely private. The only profile of you visible to others is the one that somebody else has created to rate you." How reassuring.

So far there doesn't seem to be a way to opt out of this—so hopefully you're not reading this next to someone you care about. If you are lucky enough to be alone—consider it a dodged bullet—and just hope whoever you end up taking home never, ever hears about Dirty Bubble.

Even though it was very risky and way above our pay grade, Betabeat logged in to bring back this image from the front lines but had to get out of there before things got FUBAR—Dirty Bubble is a battlezone and Betabeat is certainly no war correspondent.

Most profiles on Dirty Bubble, which launched this past January, only have a handful of reviews that say things like, "She wanted to be a pop star and didn't want to be my housewife," or "AWESOME. until it was numbingly boring."

At present, the privately funded $100,000 company does not have a mobile app, so rest assured, if your date is having a staring contest with their phone, at worst they're requesting an "emergency" phone call so you won't feel inadequate when they have to rush home to "take care of" their "roommate" with "food poisoning."

Mayor Michael Bloomberg with Foursquare cofounder Dennis Crowley. The mayor declared April 16 NYC's official 4sqDay. (Ben Weitzenkorn)

2x2^2. April 16 is officially 4sqDay in New York and over a dozen other cities around the country. The fan-created social media holiday's official celebration will begin at 7 p.m. at The Caulfield. Check out the community blog and RSVP here.

CAPITAL IDEA. General Assembly is bringing back “Assembled Capital,” an all day event dedicated to getting startups funded. The $200 (plus a $4.97 fee) to get in is a bit steep, but breakfast, lunch and booze are totally included! The event will include talks, panels and plenty of elbow-rubbing time with the like of Squarespace's Anthony Casalena, TechStars NYC's David Tisch, Charlie O'Donnell of Brooklyn Bridge Ventures, Shane Snow of Contently and many others.

AIRbnFREE. Airbnb is teaming up with Thrillist and sponsoring Tour de Thrillist, a bicoastal race to discover all that LA, Vegas, Austin, Philly and of course NYC have to offer. Up for grabs is a five-destination trip and free Airbnb accommodations. Cross your fingers and enter the sweepstakes here.

SELL, SELL, SELL. New York-based Goodsie, a platform that allows anyone to setup their own store and sell pretty much anything, just announced the rollout of a host of new features to help merchants make smart business decisions including an integrated email marketing system, sales analytics and mobile optimization.

FIT FIGHT. Fitocracy, the fitness game that uses points and milestones to keep us motivated and moving, is now available on iOS. Users can see what their friends are up to and add and log new exercises right from the palm of their hand. To accompany the mobile app launch, Fitocracy has revamped their website, making it easier to see friends' updates, browse achievements, check scores and see how many points away from the next milestone they are. Slimkicker, a similar app, also made its iOS debut on the same day.

THERE'S ANOTHER MAPP FOR THAT. This week, MyCityWay, a mobile app that combines reference app information with city data, won the “Best Travel App” award at this year's Appy Awards. The app can be used for anything from job searches to driving direction to ordering Chinese food.

DEEP IMPACT. The next installment of the NYU Series on Impact Investing will be on April 9 at Vanderbilt Hall in Room 210 at 6:30 p.m. on the NYU campus.  The panel discussion will focus on legal and policy issues and how they impact investments.  This and future installments will focus on "issues related to the measuring of impact, the key regulatory questions raised by impact investing, and the role that development finance institutions play in impact investing." More information is available here.

STARTUPS 101. Last night, LEAN301 - Advanced Startup Metrics for Founders, the advanced version of the most popular class on Skillshare, held its first class. The class is taught by Lean Startup Machine founder Trevor Owens. Classes are limited to 12 students and future dates can be found here.

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN. Quotiply, a business app that connects companies and helps them collect, rate and assess offers from providers, just came out of beta last month. The app has profile, messaging and address book features built in and will even make suggestions to help members find good business partners. Quotiply is currently based out of Paris but CEO Paul Dupuy is currently in NYC with the team until the end of April. The company plans to move to NYC as soon as possible.

VIEWTUBE. Some pretty noticeable people including Hank and John Green, and Michael Aranda are using VYou, a video blogging platform, to answer questions and communicate with their fans. Annie Barrett of Entertainment Weekly uses the platform to do show reviews. Daily Candy has a channel where editors answer questions from the audience.

TECH SIDEKICK. Code for America needs a “Gotham Brigade Captain,” whose job will basically be to help bridge the gap between tech and government.  The job will involve high-visibility and a firm grasp of the complex relationship between government, the law and technology. It sounds like a tough job but we really need someone to do it.

WHISTLE... Shapeways is looking for a community manager with at least four years of experience to synthesize and advocate for user needs as well as a software engineer proficient with PHP, Apache, MySQL, HTML and Java. Beyond NYC, Shapeways is hiring all over the world. Lifebooker needs a lead software engineer and architect with at least five years under their belt, excellent OO skills and proficiency in at least one programing language. Submit your application here. Conductor, Inc. has put out a call for an entry-level QA engineer with a bachelor's degree and sharp analytical and communication skills. Development operations engineers are needed at 2tor to manage and monitor their hosted server infrastructure. QA internship opportunities are open at Aviary and BetterCloud, 2tor is looking for PR, tech and development interns, Foursquare needs a community intern and ZocDoc has internship openings in design, marketing and IT.