This Happened

Segway Inventor Can’t Stop Having Genius Ideas, Invents New ‘Diet’ Gadget to Further Enable Giving Up


If Wall-e has anything to say about it, Segways–or, a form of wheeled transportation for people too busy to use their two legs to walk–are the symbol of the great American downfall. In the future, we’ll all be wheeled around while we snort potato chips and play Tetris with our minds.

Not content to just discourage people from using their bodies, the inventor of the Segway now has a new genius ploy to incentivize completely giving up: it’s a pump that sucks all the food you just ate right out of your stomach, allowing people to eat whatever they want without facing the caloric impact. So … kind of like scientifically-sanctioned bulimia, minus the puking part? Read More