Mmhmm.

News from our neighbors to the north! BlackBerry CEO Thorsten Heins recently sat down with Bloomberg News for a chat and did a spot of prognosticating: 

“In five years I don’t think there’ll be a reason to have a tablet anymore,” Heins said in an interview yesterday at the Milken Institute conference in Los Angeles. “Maybe a big screen in your workspace, but not a tablet as such. Tablets themselves are not a good business model.”

Not if you're going off the example of the PlayBook, that's for sure. A rehash of that doesn't seem so great an idea. And Mr. Heins has big plans for his company.  Big, big plans:

“In five years, I see BlackBerry to be the absolute leader in mobile computing -- that’s what we’re aiming for,” Heins said. “I want to gain as much market share as I can, but not by being a copycat.”

Well la ti da.

Not thinking! (Photo: Flickr)

Twitter cofounder Jack Dorsey said he is “not even thinking" about the company’s IPO because he wants to build a “timeless company.” Okay, buddy. [Bloomberg]

BlackBerry CEO Thorsten Heins is predicting that phones with larger screens will make tablets obsolete within the next five years. There's a joke about Mr. Heins predicting the death of a tech trend in there somewhere. [Telegraph]

Turns out Microsoft was the impetus for sleeker site and interface design. Miss you, Metro! [New York Times]

Now two of the Twitter accounts of the U.K. newspaper The Guardian were hacked Monday by the Syrian Electronic Army, resulting in some stressed out social media managers. [AllThingsD]

Here's a terrible idea: "Samsung reworks Gangnam Style to promote the Galaxy S4 in India." The results were less than desirable. [TNW]

Beast mode. (Photo: Hashgram)

It looks like BlackBerry’s new social media intern “global creative director” Alicia Keys is settling into her new gig quite nicely. AdAge reports that her workday doesn’t solely consist of forcing people to make ugly cryfaces while she belts out “Girl on Fire” in the cafeteria for the 800th time. Rather, she’s being super hands on by actually going to meetings and stuff.

AdAge writes:

Ms. Keys has sat in on five marketing meetings with the company, even presenting her own PowerPoint slides at one, he said. She is also expected to give a presentation at the company's upcoming BlackBerry Live event.

Sounds like somebody is pining for a full time role once her internship ends.

Hard to use. (Photo: betanews.com)

A judge in Michigan fully comprehends the intricacies of the law, but when it comes to Windows phones, he's totally lost. Judge Raymond Voet held himself in contempt and paid a $25 fee after his not-so-smartphone accidentally went off during court proceedings.

Judge Voet decided that even he is not immune to his own rules: if an electronic device causes a courtroom disturbance, violators must receive a citation. During the prosecutor’s closing arguments, the former BlackBerry user said that his new Windows phone began emitting embarrassing voice commands:

"I'm guessing I bumped it. It started talking really loud, saying 'I can't understand you. Say something like Mom,'" he said.

Of course, ignorance of the law--or of how your smartphone works--isn't a legitimate excuse.

"That's an excuse, but I don't take those excuses from anyone else. I set the bar high, because cellphones are a distraction and there is very serious business going on," he said. "The courtroom is a special place in the community, and it needs more respect than that."

 Perhaps Judge Voet should hold himself in contempt for purchasing a Windows phone.

The letter reads:

Mr. Shapiro--whoever you are--

I have had a Blackberry for many, many years. I have worked with it here and in EUrope and I have arrived at some very important work arrangements with it.

No one thinks I am behind times except those who want to sell me another device. Your intimation that I may be looked down on because I dno't have an iPhone is hugely irritating and pompous and dumb and plain silly.

May you be faced to work on a land line forever!

Way harsh, dude.

Book learnin' Good news for would-be inhabitants of Mars, who ought to know as much about their future God Emperor as possible: Bloomberg Businessweek writer Ashlee Vance has sold The Iron Man: Elon Musk's Quest to Forge a Fantastic Future to the publisher Ecco. "As we say in Texas, git er done," Mr. Vance concluded on Twitter. But he could perhaps have a bit of competition: AllThingsD's Peter Kafka promptly responded, "But I'm writing MUSKIE: HE WAS NO HUBERT HUMPRHEY."

Emperor’s New Clothes Former Apple exec Ron Johnson’s takeover of the dowdy JCPenney brand was an unmitigated disaster, but at least it helped him in the style department! His Apple regimented wardrobe consisted of a pair of dowdy jeans and a drab, lightweight sweater that looks like it was from the "old" Penney's. Then towards the end of his reign at Penney’s, it looks like he was sporting a cost conscious JF J Ferrar slim fit suit and a Van Huesen tie. Hope he stocked up before his employee discount expired.

S-WHAT? This week, New York introduced us to a notion spawned at (of course) Yale: "SWUG," which stands for Senior Washed-Up Girl. Think of it as an entire ethos that revolves around giving zero fucks. And so it's not surprising the concept would resonate outside its original home: "I might be an adult #SWUG," tweeted PR superstar Brooke Hammerling in response to the piece. Aren't we all, lady.

Meet the Elite "ZOMGGGG!" tweeted Noosphere founder Pascal-Emmanuel Gobry earlier this morning. What could have gotten @PEG so excited?

Our invitation must have gotten lost in the mail.

Bitbusted This week, we all had front-row seats to a bubble inflating and deflated at Internet speed. On Tuesday, things looked so sunny that Business Insider's Steve Kovach tweeted, "Henry just told me Bitcoin is going to $5,000 because 'why not?!?!'" That would be Henry Blodget, whose boosterism has gotten him into trouble before. Well, on Wednesday prices peaked at $266, then promptly crashed. The currency is now somewhere in the neighborhood of $93.00.

Souvenirs Anyone remember his high school Korean? Google Ideas director Jared Cohen, who rode along on Eric Schmidt's trip to North Korea but was overshadowed by Bill Richardson's cravat, needs a little translation. Seems he picked up a piece of art while north of the 38th Parallel, but he can't remember what the damn thing says. Hence, a tweet requesting the crowd drop a little wisdom on him:

Girl gets job Today is the last day of our esteemed editor, Nitasha Tiku, who is heading over to Gawker as a Senior Writer. Please wish her well and enjoy this Vine of our final meal together.

https://twitter.com/nitashatiku/status/322786545469898753

(Photo: The Citizen Science Quarterly)

If you're running the BlackBerry 10 operating system and tend to use your phone's browser to view some rather NSFW content, listen up: Crackberry reports that a setting in the new OS could show your friends exactly which porn videos you're watching. Oops.

The new BBM has an option to display whatever media you're watching or listening to as your status update. As Crackberry notes, this includes any videos you watch in your phone's browser. So if you happen to be lying in bed browsing videos on PornHub and your phone is set to display your media choices, your friends are gonna know you're a big fan of FFM threesomes.

Crackberry provides a few helpful steps to disable the setting:

• In BBM swipe down from the top bezel then choose Settings

• Toggle Show What I'm Listening To so it shows Off

• Tap Back to save

Voila! Your secrets are safe... for now.

See ya! (Photo: Wikipedia)

How quickly Google giveths, it takes away. The company said it rescinded its Glass offer to some of the #ifihadglass contest winners for not complying with the rules. Bitchy! [CNet]

Sue Gardner, the "driving force" behind Wikipedia's rapid growth, is stepping down. But don’t edit her page just yet! She isn’t leaving the company for another six months. [NY Times]

Blackberry posted a profit last quarter but Blackberry owners are still waiting for the news to load on their phones. Perhaps BBM it to them? [AllThingsD]

Speaking of not-dead messaging apps, the Wall Street Journal digs into the rapidly growing sector of texting apps that's siphoned $23 billion in revenue from carriers in 2012. [WSJ]

The BBC has a pretty great feature on the rise of dating websites aimed at people with sexually transmitted diseases, because everyone needs to be loved. [BBC]

Mr. Horowitz (Photo: Twitter)

Jay Horowitz is best known for being the longtime public relations director for the New York Mets. But he has a secret hobby that until now only those closest to him knew about: buttdialing.

The Wall Street Journal reports that Mr. Horowitz has become the "Barry Bonds of Buttdialing," making thousands of accidental calls over his tenure at the Mets. He'll call players when they're on the field; he'll call coworkers at 4am. Even when players abscond to other MLB teams, Mr. Horowitz's buttdialing follows them.

"I swear to God, I don't know how I do it," Mr. Horwitz told the Journal. "I'm not real mechanical."

Mr. Horowitz carries around a BlackBerry with a screen he refuses to lock. Since he's worked for the Mets since 1980, his phone book is full of high profile people in the MLB--a thousand, he estimates--and each could receive a call from Mr. Horowitz's butt at anytime.

Quipped one player: "His butt's got a mind of its own."

(Photo: Talk Android)

Google has applied for a new patent that shows the company is thinking about programming Google Glass to be able to control objects like your garage door and your refrigerator. You'd simply look at your fridge door and superimposed controls would be reflected onto it, telling you you need milk. Uh, want? [Engadget]

This shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone who reads our rumor roundup, but turns out Google chairman Eric Schmidt does indeed prefer his BlackBerry over an Android phone. [The Guardian]

Now Google is building a smartwatch. How many watches can one human need? [The Verge]

If you want to commit cyberwar, you're going to need the manual. [AP]

Virtual currency like Bitcoin is getting money laundering rules that will hold providers accountable in a similar manner to money-order providers like Western Union. Sorry, Silk Road. [Wall Street Journal]