Visiting Dignitaries

You think he ever worries about the symbolism? (Photo: Getty Images/D Dipasupil)

Is Jay-Z About to Close an ‘Eight-Figure’ Deal with Samsung?

Looks like Blue Ivy will be kept in ponies and designer toddler duds for the foreseeable future. Beyoncé recently rolled out high-profile campaigns with Pepsi and H&M, and now it seems Jay-Z is hustling for some of that tech boom dough. According to the New York Post, he’s currently negotiating an enormous deal to promote Samsung.

Maybe while he’s at it he can rescue Alicia Keys from BlackBerry? Read More

Bots

Beyonce Knowles. (Photo: Twitter)

We Have Always Been at War With the Beyonce-Ticket-Buying Bots

Were you thwarted in your attempt to get Taylor Swift tickets? Are you pouting outside a Rihanna concert? Well, you’re not alone, and the New York Times has located a target for your rage: BOTS.

The Times reports that, according to Ticketmaster, bots “have been used to buy more than 60 percent of the most desirable tickets for some shows,” which explains why you couldn’t get Beyonce tickets. A rep from Bowery Presents told the Times they sometimes have 20 percent no-shows for sold-out concerts, and they’re prime tickets. “It’s speculators who bought a bunch of seats and didn’t get the price they wanted.” Read More

Visiting Dignitaries

The glove. (Photo: YouTube)

Beyonce’s Cyborg Glove Makes a Triumphant Return

Power Tumblr User and Self-Quantifying Empress Beyonce riseth once again. In a new one-minute spot for R.C. Cola, Bey dances and violently gyrates against the floor with previous iterations of herself. But one star manages to almost upshine the queen herself: the cyborg glove, which made its debut in the “Single Ladies” video, is back with a vengence. Leave it to Beyonce to make even wearable tech look cool. Read More

Crime and Punishment

(Photo: Yahoo Sports)

Aspiring Rapper Shoots Friend Because He Thought He Had to Make a Human Sacrifice to Join the Illuminati

What does it take to join the Illuminati, a secret society of power players that Internet conspiracy theorists believe are looking to take over the world?

Being super rich and famous helps–just look at Queen Beyonce, who supposedly flashed the Illuminati sign (a triangle) during her Super Bowl halftime performance. Other rumored illuminati members are Bey’s hubby Jay-Z and their child Blue Ivy, Barack Obama, Angelina Jolie and Adele. It’s an elite crew primarily comprised of music legends, so it’s no surprise that many aspiring musicians wish to ascend the Illuminati ranks. It’s highly discouraged, however, to shoot someone in order to do so. Read More

Linkages

Do not steal form her. (Photo: Necole Betchie)

Booting Up: The $233,000 Beyonce Torrent Lawsuit

Well look who’s scroogling screwing people now. The European Union has fined Microsoft $731 million for violating its promise to offer consumers a choice of web browser. Probably because when given a choice, no one will pick Internet Explorer. [Reuters]

Facebook plans to announce better ways to filter News Feed content at tomorrow’s big press event, including being able to view just Instagram photos. Photos will also appear larger for posts and, of course, ads. [TechCrunch]

What happens when you share Beyonce files on BitTorrent? Sony smacks you with a $233,000 damages lawsuit. That’s what you get for stealing from Queen Bey, we suppose. [TorrentFreak]

The FBI is secretly spying on some Google users, though because of national security, Google can only give an estimate of how many accounts have been tapped. [Wired]

JFK employees reportedly saw a drone aircraft flying around yesterday, and now the FBI wants your help tracking it. [Motherboard]

Visiting Dignitaries

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THERE WAS ONCE A JOB POSTING FOR BEYONCÉ ARCHIVIST

Hey, you. You with the expertise in “servers and enterprise class storage.” What were you doing in 2011? If you’re not currently adjusting the temperature on the official Beyoncé archive in Midtown Manhattan–button up that cardi, it gets chilly in there!–you did that entire year wrong.

As GQ magazine’s recent cover story crowning Queen Bey “Miss Millenium” revealed, the sex on a some very-well-rounded sticks songstress is something of a total self-quantifying maniac: Read More

Rental Renegades

Pretend to be Jay-Z and Beyonce, if only for a day. (Photo: We Got This Covered)

Airbnb for Yachts Is Now a Thing

Not all of us can afford luxurious yachts on which to sunbathe and drink Moet and count our jewels, no matter how hard we wish to be Captain Larry Ellison. But a new startup in Athens, Greece wants to help everyone feel like a glamorous seafarer, if only for a day. Read More

Beyhive

(Photo: I am Beyonce)

We Are Already in Love with Beyoncé’s Instagram, Even Though She Deleted ‘Mitches’

Last night, just as Twitter was celebrating Obama’s victory, Beyoncé Knowles posted a photo to her Tumblr that perfectly summed up all of the excitement and inner feelings of booyah, GOP.

It was a deliciously satisfying moment for Obama supporters and Beyhive fans alike. Now, The Daily Dot reports that Beyoncé is going beyond Tumblr and upping her social game even further: the Queen has officially joined Instagram under the handle “baddiebey.” She already has almost 220,000 followers. Read More

Upgrade U

(Photo: InfDaily)

Lindsay Lohan’s Blackberry is So Fetch

Troubled star of Mean Girls (and some other movies, we guess) Lindsay Lohan was snapped leaving the DREAM Hotel in Manhattan yesterday, wielding the very same ultra-rare, ultra-expensive Blackberry that Beyonce has. Oh no she didn’t!

The phone is a special edition device designed by Porsche, but with the functionality of the Blackberry Bold 9900/9930. Sorry, guys: It’s infinitely more swag than the typical fare you can snag at your local Verizon store.

The phone favored by Ms. Lohan and Queen Bey costs a pretty penny for peasants like us: a Blackberry Bold P’9981 will run you $2,145. So, probably none for Gretchen Wieners bye.

(h/t David Shapiro)