Brooklyn We Go Hard
“My name is Oliver and I’m here to say/I like organic onesies and gluten-free cake,” is just one of the rhyming couplets we imagine Brooklyn babies are incorporating into their sick beats at a new DJ school for babies. Because, yes, Baby DJ School exists nowadays.
It’s an eight-week program for individuals ages three and below. Natalie Elizabeth Weiss, a DJ who’s worked with LCD Soundsystem, Fischerspooner, and other big kids with turntables, will orchestrate the whole thing.
Quantify Your Kids
The latest development in bodily quantification is sure to please helicopter parents and their deadbeat counterparts alike. It’s a baby bootie that watches your kid for you!
The so-called “smart sock” will monitor your precious dumpling’s sleep position, temperature, sleep quality, and even whether it rolls over. It transmits that information to you via Bluetooth, so that you can either leave it alone and hope for the best, or call the babysitter and berate her for daring to allow little Sebastian’s temperature to dip below 98.6.