Pretty. (Photo: flickr.com/jaxed)

We all know that Apple is probably announcing an iPad Mini later this week. But how do we know that? Who snitched? That's the subject of a long piece from Ars Technica. Turns out that it's not so much disgruntled engineers as it's a function of the long, winding road that is the company's global supply chain.

Ars Technica makes working at 1 Infinite Loop sound like a cross between working at the CIA and Hogwarts:

Prototypes have to be carried around on company grounds while covered in a black cloth so other employees can't sneak a peek. Those who take prerelease products off campus are heavily restricted when using them with other people (even other Apple employees) in the vicinity. Internal security teams covertly monitor which IRC channels employees like to hang out in.

As you might imagine from such intense security measures, it's probably not the California kids tipping all your favorite gadget blogs. Rather, the leaks are produced the same place as everything else except American Apparel tube socks and artisanal Brooklyn cheese:

"Apple's security practices are targeted at making sure US employees don't leak stuff, but everything comes out of China now," one employee told Ars. "I think Apple's secrecy mode is really outdated."

"Clearly, the people who need the security training are not here" said another. "They're not getting the same level of scrutiny as we are, and it shows."

Then again, if working on a Foxconn assembly line were our lot in life, we'd probably be leaking product specs left and right.

Internet edition. (Photo: MTV)

In recent days the FTC has announced a crackdown on a particularly pernicious type of scheme: Scammers who call you up, out of the blue, purporting to be from "Windows Technical Support." They tell you your computer is lousy with viruses, talk you into giving them remote access, then charge you hundreds of dollars to "fix" it.

If you're computer savvy enough to be reading this blog, you'd probably see right through this nonsense, but you're not the target audience for this scam--it's your unsuspecting, eBay-loving Nana.

Every now and then, though, they call up someone who's a little more cognizant of how security works. For example, last week Ars Technica editor Nate Anderson got a call from one would-be scammer and played him for a solid 15 minutes. But Mr. Anderson lacks the true soul of a troll. It was up to an anonymous technophile who calls himself ”Ted” to go all out, keeping his scammer on the phone for two hours. The last 43 minutes of their little chat are now available on SoundCloud.

As Ars reports, in the course of their discussion, Ted drags his feet with excuses about difficulties involving his Windows 95 PC, his CompuServe account, his AOL account, and his Mosaic browser. ("That's a web browser, right?" replies the increasingly frustrated "tech support" guy.) Every now and then, Ted pretends to have problems with his Internet connection, playing and replaying the sound of a modem dialing up and, at one point, blaming the cat for knocking the cords out of the wall.

All the while, he assures the caller that he's taking this very seriously:

"I want this machine to be secured, for sure," he said. "And I don’t want my machine being dangerous, for sure, I mean that would be bad, that would be very bad, I don’t want it to be bad, I want it to be good. I’m a responsible Internet user, I don’t want to be some of these hacker types that infect the Web and stuff like that."

Imagine that said in a sort of anxious, existentially distraught Woody Allen whine.

It's very amusing, but we hate to think what happens when Ted uses his powers of trolling for mischief, rather than for spamming the scammers.

Your ipod necklace is just...magic

Ars Technica got their hands on an internal memo from Apple's new CEO Tim Cook, who filled the role vacated by Steve Jobs on Wednesday. Mr. Cook, known as an operational genius, has already been interim CEO on several occasions during Mr. Jobs recent medical leaves of absence.

Team:

I am looking forward to the amazing opportunity of serving as CEO of the most innovative company in the world. Joining Apple was the best decision I've ever made and it's been the privilege of a lifetime to work for Apple and Steve for over 13 years. I share Steve's optimism for Apple's bright future.

Steve has been an incredible leader and mentor to me, as well as to the entire executive team and our amazing employees. We are really looking forward to Steve's ongoing guidance and inspiration as our Chairman.

I want you to be confident that Apple is not going to change. I cherish and celebrate Apple's unique principles and values. Steve built a company and culture that is unlike any other in the world and we are going to stay true to that—it is in our DNA. We are going to continue to make the best products in the world that delight our customers and make our employees incredibly proud of what they do.

I love Apple and I am looking forward to diving into my new role. All of the incredible support from the Board, the executive team and many of you has been inspiring. I am confident our best years lie ahead of us and that together we will continue to make Apple the magical place that it is.

Tim

While Apple may continue to make great products and book big profits, much of the company's magic came directly from its leader, Steve Jobs, who was credited with a "reality distortion field" that seemed to charm even the most jaded gadget blogger.

Ars offers this geek analogy: "In the public's eye, Cook has become the Riker to Jobs' Picard—and people generally like Riker. There may be no way to truly replace Steve Jobs, but Apple knows that publicly supporting Tim Cook is, at the very least, good PR."

What if Mr. Cook turned out to be Data instead?