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She's laughing at you, fandom. LAUGHING AT YOU.

Booting Up: Tumblr Users Are Freaking Out So Hard Right Now, You Guys

“The inevitable next step is for Kim Kardashian to sit on the board of a tech start-up, host a global-poverty-awareness event and write a book on behavioral neuroscience.” [New York Times]

The tax man’s hanging round Apple’s door, and now Tim Cook is due to appear before Congress on the matter. [Telegraph]

For her science fair project, this teenaged girl invented a supercapacitor that could maybe, with further development, charge your electronics lightening fast. Everyone’s now feeling pretty bad about their baking soda volcano, huh? [Jezebel]

Matt Mullenweg says that talk of Yahoo buying Tumblr sent WordPress imports from Tumblr skyrocketing, from 400-600 posts per hour to 72,000 on Sunday. Of course, that could’ve just been one really dedicated porn reblogger. [AllThingsD]

Tumblr users are having a collective meltdown to rival The China Syndrome (only onetime Yahoo users are old enough to get that joke). [Buzzfeed]

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Mr. Cook (Photo: News.au)

Booting Up: Foxconn Employees Still Have it Pretty Terrible

Apple CEO Tim Cook is preparing for his upcoming Congress appearance about corporate tax code by promising a “dramatic simplification” of the ancient laws. [Washington Post]

It’s been a year since Facebook’s IPO. So let’s celebrate it with a ~one year later~ reflection piece. [WSJ]

Remember when you’re complaining about your long work week, it’s way worse for Foxconn employees. [NYT]

It sounds like the Facebook designers behind News Feed’s redesign were having the chillest of times on the project. They brought in lamps to create a “nice living room” and stared at posters on the wall to keep them motivated. [Taxi]

Ugh, we have some disturbing news: A website that bills itself as “Kickstarter for gigs” has launched in London. [BBC]

Steal This

(Photo: Let's Unlock iPhone)

NY Attorney General Asks Tech Companies to Solve Phone Theft For Him

New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman is worried about our state’s significant uptick in phone thefts, but that’s really more Tim Cook’s problem. Bloomberg reports that Mr. Schneiderman has penned a letter to tech giants like Google and Apple asking them why, if you guys are capable of making face computers and cars that drive themselves, can’t you make phones unstealable? Read More

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Special Instagram-edition. (Photo: flickr.com/diegorusso

Booting Up: Now Rumors Have Facebook Thinking of Buying Waze

Apple CFO Peter Oppenheimer earned $68.6 million last year. Think about that while you’re scraping together change to refill your metrocard. [Bloomberg]

Rumor has it that Facebook is looking into buying mobile map app Waze for up to $1B. Waze really gets around–last we heard it was dating Apple. [TechCrunch]

Microsoft might be mulling a $1 billion purchase of Nook Media LLC, its joint venture with Barnes and Noble. Ask not for whom the bell tolls, guys. [TechCrunch]

Time and Google have teamed up to produce Timelapse, a new package that shows how the Earth’s surface has changed over the last thirty years. (Spoiler: Not for the better, if you like nature.)  [Time]

Can’t patent software in New Zealand any more, sorry. [Forbes]

Apple in Your Eye

This all could be yours?

Apple is Giving Away $10,000 to Someone For Doing Absolutely Nothing

Did you wake up today thinking that winning a $10,000 iTunes gift card could help your crappy life? You’re in luck! Apple is giving away that awesome prize to whoever downloads the 50th billion app at its store, which is expected to happen sometime later today. Just like your third-grade softball league, Apple is also giving away a $500 gift card to those who come in second through 50th place after it reaches its goal. Read More

shameless rumormongering

(Photo: Instagram)

Rumor Roundup: Zuck’s in Hawaii, While Kevin Systrom Looks So Maj Next to Rachel Zoe

Hawaii Zuck-O Look who ditched the hoodie (but kept the Adidas sandals). Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg was recently spotted indulging in a little Hawaiin R&R with wifey Priscilla Chan. US Weekly reports the pair “looked excited to be spending quality time together,” which makes sense since it’s pretty easy to be happy when you’ve escaped the maw of Silicon Valley. The Zucks also “chowed down” on something called “beachside burgers” at a “picnic table.” Stars: they’re just like us (but rich). Read More

Apple in Your Eye

(Photo: CharityBuzz)

All It Takes to Have Coffee with Tim Cook Is the U.S.’s Median Household Income

Look, Apple CEO Tim Cook is a busy guy. He does lots of important stuff, like announcing that there will be announcements in the future. His time is worth a lot. So CharityBuzz, an online charity auction, is hosting a very generous offer from Mr. Cook: people–rich people, specifically–can bid to have coffee with him at Apple headquarters. The “estimated value” of this presumably hour-long (tops!) outing? $50,000, which is just $2,762 dollars shy of the U.S.’s median household income. Read More