(Photo: U.TV)

Stephany Cohen is a British psychic with a mass of rainbow dreads and a very exciting sex life. She appeared today on the U.K. TV network ITV1's program This Morning, where she discussed the various sexual encounters she frequently has with alien species--both of the cat and reptile variety!

Ms. Cohen said that as she is falling asleep, her consciousness frequently travels to a spaceship where she flies through the galaxy to other worlds. She has a "spirit boyfriend" named Ian the Octopus Man who "stays quite close" to her and gives her mind-blowing orgasms that no mere human mortal could even come close to replicating. "All of them indulge in sex, but particularly the cat people are extremely, highly charged sexually and it's part of the cat people culture," she told the show's host.

Oh, those cat people: always looking for strange.

The professor This Morning brought on as a foil was pretty skeptical of Ms. Cohen's claims. He suggested she has Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder but for some reason has convinced herself it's just aliens getting all up on her body. He also asked her to use her psychic powers to look inside a briefcase that they were holding in another room, but Ms. Cohen snapped that her powers don't really work on-demand like that.

Why would you waste your pyschic powers on some professorial briefcase when you have Ian the alien Octopus to fool around with?

(Screencap: YouTube)

Stars, they're just like us! When they catch a weird anomaly on camera, they immediately upload it to YouTube and claim they saw a UFO.

The Telegraph reports that Australian actor Russell Crowe had set up a camera to capture fruit bats outside of his office in Woolloomooloo (try saying that three times fast), a suburb of Sydney. The video is actually three time-lapse photos stitched together, unedited. But instead of catching the bats, he recorded a red rectangle streaking across the sky. The only possible explanation? Not a camera glitch or light reflection. It was obviously an alien.

Mr. Crowe truly seems to believe he captured a UFO. "Can't be a lense flare because it moves , camera is fixed," he tweeted. Our working theory is that it's a piece of viral marketing for the upcoming Superman remake, Man of Steel, in which Mr. Crowe has a major role. Or he was tweeting while tripping. Either/or.

Not pictured: the Cigarette Smoking Man. (Screencap)

Meanwhile, in Silicon Valley: The local CBS affiliate reports that a San Francisco man has captured video of mysterious lights zipping about the night sky. Well, The X Files did warn us that our alien colonizers would arrive on December 22, 2012. Maybe fans should have listened instead of spending our time wondering when Mulder and Scully would finally make out. 

CBS reports:

In the video, a series of lights fly in formation above the city before appearing to take a diamond shape and eventually disappearing.

There's a lot of "what the fuck"s happening in the background throughout.

The news team investigated, speaking to Bing Quock, the assistant planetarium director at the California Academy of Sciences. He ruled out several celestial causes--“It’s not a planet, it’s not a constellation, it’s not meteors, it’s not the moon"--and suggested it might've been "balloons, carrying lights. As for E.T.:

When asked if it could be some alien starship, Quock said, “That would not be my first guess, no.”

The videographer holds a different position: “I am 100 percent sure this was a UFO,” he told CBS. Well, yes, it was, in the sense that it was a flying object he could not identify. Also: “Absolutely, tequila was maybe an influence here."

Click through for video. Just remember, the truth is out there, and it's probably a weather balloon.  (It's always a weather balloon.)

UPDATED: Well, well. No sooner did we hit publish than we noticed this Gothamist report of "strange lights over Vanderbilt Avenue," in Brooklyn. According to a witness:

"There were three orbs glowing like fire and again flying in formation. Each of the three finally stopped at the same point in the sky, hovered, and then disappeared. They made no noise, however, several people in the street did notice and stopped to watch."

There's video:

"That's not no Chinese fucking lantern," a woman's voice says in the background. Indeed it's not. However, it may very well be the Geminids, a meteor shower expected to peak this week. Sorry, conspiracy theorists.

(Photo: Living Indefinitely)

The federal government spends money to fix the country's infrastructure, help senior citizens get affordable access to health care and beef up national security, but did you know that it also pays for stuff like workshops on Star Trek musings?

The Washington Times reports that Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn has brought to light some of the Pentagon's non-security focused spending, which--as a small-government Republican--he naturally wants cut. Buried among the list of things the Pentagon supposedly spent money on, including a new form of rolled-up beef jerky, is this little gem:

$100,000 for a 2011 workshop on interstellar space travel that included a session entitled "Did Jesus die for Klingons too?" The session probed how Christian theology would apply in the event of the discovery of aliens.

We're unsure how a workshop focusing on the hypothetical mixture of Star Trek and Christian doctrine cost $100,000, unless they actually hosted it in space, but perhaps that new rolled-up beef jerky is expensive to cater.

This isn't the first time Klingons and Jesus have been thrown into the same mix. There's actually a website called Klingons for Jesus, which satirically claims, "Jesus is the messiah the Klingons have been waiting for all along."

Sadly, it appears the $100,000 question was never actually answered.