I mean, WTF.

Hot on the heels of the rumor that some terrible, unfeeling parents have named their newborn Hashtag comes the news that names from Cupertino are the latest thing. The parenting website BabyCenter has released stats on the popularity of various names among the parents registered on the site, and The Next Web reports that Apple has increased its popularity 15 percent as a girl's name. Siri (apparently a real Norwegian name) increased 5 percent. And among the lads, Mac jumped 12 percent.

Hang on--the littlest Yahoo's name is Macallister, which you'd presumably shorten to Mac. What are you up to, Marissa Mayer?

Assessing this year's results, BabyCenter editor in chief Linda Murray said: "What’s becoming more important to new parents is finding a name with meaning."

Perhaps that's why 50 Shades of Grey exerted even more influence on the list than did Cupertino. (Or, as BabyCenter's press release puts it: "It doesn’t get any hotter than this!") Grey is up 20 percent, Anastasia 10 percent. Ana (which we suppose is her nickname in the series) got a 35-spot bump.

The name Christian, however, actually lost ground. BabyCenter speculates: "While moms are physically attracted to Christian, they do not see him as a role model for their sons." No doubt.

We're just disappointed no one's going with accelerometer.

Well, the trend appears to have reached ludicrous new heights. Spotted today, by romance book blogger Sarah Wendell:

Get your freak on. (Photo: twitter.com/SmartBitches)

That's right: Bach's Cantata No. 147 is now endorsed by 50 Shades of Grey author E.L. James. What, you just assumed sex dungeons all played heavy metal? Shame on you for your stereotyping.

Ms. Wendell added, "I will say this, I find the performance of this piece sloppy and melodramatic. Perhaps that is fitting." Perhaps!

(Photo: USA Today)

If you're a designer looking for a new way to populate your page with dummy text while you make it all pretty, Fifty Shades Generator may be able to help. The tool, created by an apparently all-male team of designers, scrapes the web for X-rated language to create the dirtiest nonsensical lorem ipsum text you've ever read.

We'd type an example here, but we have Google search results to consider. See for yourself.

(Photo: My Secret Luxury)

Home life starting to get a little, well, predictable? Wishing you could find a way to spice things up like that kinky duo from the repackaged Twilight fanfic series Fifty Shades of Grey?

Introducing MySecretLuxury, an intimate concierge service that curates erotic experiences for adventurous couples. Spotted by TechCrunch, MySecretLuxury is the brainchild of Stacy Rybchin, an e-commerce incubator grad. Who says incubators never did anything for ya?

According to MySecretLuxury:

Creating your own Fifty Shades of Grey experience

So you read the book ... but you really want to live the full fantasy.  Our concierge can help.  My Secret Concierge can work with you to recreate one of Anastasia and Christian's special moments.  From the helicopter adventure to the yacht vacation to a drive in an Audi R8 ... we will put you in Anastasia and Christian's shoes.

Suddenly, a romantic getaway to the Berkshires seems so much less appealing.

For those of you who only allow swagged-out precious metals near your ladyparts, there is also a $15,000 24k gold-plate vibrator for sale on the MySecretLuxury website. What a deal.