BB bb (Photo: Instagram)

Glasshole Missed Connection Betabeat finally had the distinct pleasure of trying the dorky looking face computer we love to mock so much at a party last night at Meetup HQ. We (only slightly drunkenly) approached a tall white dude donning Google Glass and timidly asked if we might be able to try it on. When we slipped on the device (in slate!), the display was incredibly blurry--not due to our eyesight, but because Glass specifically calibrates to the wearer's eye. It was hard as hell to see, but the voice commands worked almost seamlessly, impressive since we were at a loud party.

The device's functionality is fairly limited: you can take a picture, record video and get directions to and from places. It also has the added benefit of making you look like a complete dork while somehow also attracting swaths of attractive ladies to get up real close to your face.

As it turns out, the Glasshole bro developed a crush on a Betabeat acquaintance, but even his face computer couldn't help him remember her name or even what she looked like. Instead, knowing only where she worked, he sent a LinkedIn message to a coworker he thought was her, but nope. (They do have the same hair color.) The coworker then forwarded his picture around the office asking if anyone had met him the night prior and wanted to date him. In the picture, he was wearing Glass.

A source also tells Betabeat that the Glass-wearing dude is working on a facial recognition app for the device that would take a person's picture and tell the wearer what their name is. You do you, Mr. Glasshole, but you might want to get on that one sooner rather than later.

Royal Joyriding  Important update in the Yellow Cab Wars: Here is a photo of Prince Harry (you know, the hot one) getting a personal demo from Hailo's cofounder:

Hailo co-founder Russ showed Prince Harry how to use Hailo to get home after a big night at the @uktiusa Tech event: hailo.to/l4naQ

— HailoNYC (@HailoNYC) May 15, 2013

Breakfast Breakup If you make a breakfast date with Ben Lerer, don't you dare stand him up. Mr. Lerer tweeted that he had early morning breakfast plans with Gawker publisher Nick Denton (at Balthazar, we assume?), but that the media mogul failed to show. Perhaps Mr. Denton was getting a head start on wedding planning.

https://twitter.com/BenjLerer/status/333934325286436866

What Is... Eyeroll Jeopardy does its best to related to the youngs during its college editions. As such, Wednesday's episode featured a category called "Yo-lo," as well as an entire column devoted to "Techie Dropouts." Tech familiars name-checked in that round included Kevin Rose, David Karp and Mark Zuckerberg. Aaron Swartz was the $2,000 answer.

https://twitter.com/1uigi/status/335006407361433600

(Photo: Tumblr)

A Meetup for Meetups Last night, we climbed an interminable number of stairs to reach the rooftop where Meetup was holding a celebration for its 100 millionth RSVP. We arrived to find hotdogs, plentiful kegs and even a tiny lawn made of AstroTurf. Musical accompaniment was provided by (what else?) a local bluegrass Meetup.

Among the crowd we spotted Laughing Squid’s Scott Beale in conversation with man-about-town Rex Sorgatz, Branch’s Josh Miller chowing down on a hot dog, and Small Girl Mallory Blair working the crowd. Lindsay Kaplan and Richard Blakely, Baratunde Thurston, Chris Kennedy and Kickstarter’s Fred Benenson also turned out.

“Meetup got started when there were two towers over there. Now there’s one tower going 1776 feet in the air. And Meetup wouldn’t be here if that tragedy didn’t happen,” said founder Scott Heiferman, standing up to extemporize a few remarks. “The worst things happen when people meet up. But thankfully, more often, the best things happen in life when people meet up.”

As we rode the Gilded Age elevator back downstairs later that evening, several people pulled out their phones to check their Hailo reservations. “I Hailo’d three times today,” one said proudly.

Wedding Bells Last weekend, at a ranch in Glen Ellen, California, New York Times columnist David Pogue married his longtime girlfriend, PR pro Nicole Vosshall Dugan. No word whether the vows included a brief but tasteful disclosure.

Mistaken identity Recently, one Betabeat reporter found herself in her umpteenth conversation about Lean In. A male developer frowned and announced, befuddled: "Oh, I thought that was a lean startup book." So, there’s that.

We’re Puking. Here’s a cool glimpse of what they’re serving up in Hell, er Silicon Valley: Angry Bird-themed sushi rolls! Much to Selina Meyer’s relief, it isn’t a fine Finnish import and it’s not made of real birds-- just fake fish. We don’t know what tastes more depressing: the Angry Birds II roll (filled with mango, torched salmon, and “special sauces”) or the OMG roll that contains a spring mix salad and torched white tuna. What’s worse is that the ginger is probably served room temperature.

https://twitter.com/jowyang/status/333750310633873408

Better than a “I’m With Stupid” mug. Oh, ha ha. Look at Jack “the Jokester” Dorsey everyone! The personified short-circuiting Twitter feed joked that he was giving arch nemesis Mark Zuckerberg one of his snazzy new Square stands for his “hoodie business.” It’s a joke because the Facebook CEO wears a lot of hoodies! The animated interaction happened on Twitter, a website that Mr. Zuckerberg (née @finkd) hasn’t used since 2012. We really need to figuring out a neutral platform for these two nerds to troll each other on. Reddit?

https://twitter.com/jack/status/334339997626949634

Mr. Mason

Typically, when CEOs are ousted from the businesses they founded, they go "spend more time" with their families, take up a hobby like yachting or move immediately on to the next company they can try not to drive into the ground. Not so for former Groupon CEO Andrew Mason, who was fired earlier this year. Though he's going to join Y Combinator as an advisor, Mr. Mason has another trick up his sleeve: dropping an album, of course.

TechCrunch reports that the daily deals site founder spent a week in L.A. recording "Hardly Workin'," which Mr. Mason describes as "a seven song album of motivational business music targeted at people newly entering the workforce." Sounds like the perfect graduation gift for aunts and uncles to give you that you'll leave stuck between the seats of your parents' SUV.

Mr. Mason told TechCrunch that young people would frequently show up to meetings unarmed with business wisdom. What kind of riffraff would do such a thing? Since business books weren't really their style, he decided to record an album that youngs could make fun of with their friends while getting stoned.

"These songs will help young people understand some of the ideas that I’ve found to be a key part of becoming a productive and effective employee," Mr. Mason told TechCrunch. "I’m really happy with the results and look forward to sharing them as soon as I figure out how to load music onto iTunes, hopefully in the next few weeks."

How long 'til this thing is fully annotated on Rap Genius?

(Photo: Geeky Tattoos)

In the Valley, employees of major tech companies like Google and Facebook wear their building badges like a literal badge of honor. You don't need to keep it attached to your belt while out on a Friday night, but it also doesn't hurt your chances of landing a date. You should probably debadge when you bang though (just a thought).

According to The Telegraph, workers in Bangalore are taking their workplace pride a step further and getting the logo of their employer permanently tattooed to their bodies. Instead of succumbing to brand slavery, the workers are reportedly getting inked to celebrate landing jobs at high-profile tech companies. No word on how getting a hulking "Oracle" logo inked permanently to your chest affects your dating prospects.

“Its [sic] called Brand tattooing," one tattoo artist told The Telegraph. "Mostly people from IT companies like IBM, Apple, Microsoft and Oracle have got their company logos tattooed on their bodies."

Anybody want to get a Betabeat tattoo? It won't hurt a bit.

Can Ms. Brondo’s pitch convince Lerer Ventures’ Steve Schlafman and SoftBank Capital’s Nikhil Kalghatgi that Edge/Admitted.ly is differentiated enough to take on the Princeton Review and Kaplan? Does she have a viable plan to get the products into public schools and in front of her target market? Find out if Ms. Brondo has what it takes to win in episode nine of The Pitch.

Mr. Judge (Photo: Hypemedia)

The highly anticipated Silicon Valley comedy from the mind of Beavis and Butthead creator Mike Judge has been picked up by HBO for a full season, according to Deadline. The show doesn't have a title yet, but we already know it opens on "the shit-brown hills of Mountainview," and stars Martin Starr of Freaks and Geeks and Party Down fame.

The plot of the pilot, as outlined by a script published by Quartz, is a tantalizing glimpse of what's to come:

“… six programmers are living together in East Palo Alto, each working on software they hope will make them rich, from a system for policing music copyrights to an app that ‘gives you the location of a woman with erect nipples.’”

Give us a sweaty, screaming Steve Ballmer or a Jack Dorsey lookalike raving about his artisanal wheat grass enema by the end of the pilot and we'll be hooked for the whole season.

(Photo: Wordpress)

Rival sci fi clubs almost instigated a nerd apocalypse in the U.K. yesterday when "the force" (heh) was called to mediate a fight between the warring factions.

According to the BBC, The Norwich Star Wars Club apparently invited two Doctor Who actors to speak at their annual Norwich Sci-Fi and Film Convention. Desperate to get autographs from the Doctor Who celebs, members of a competing club called the Norwich Sci-Fi Club attended the conference, causing a fracas to break out between the opposing groups.

The treasurer of the Norwich Sci-Fi Club, Jim Poole, showed up with a friend and was allegedly verbally abused by a member of the Star Wars Club. (We're sure "This is not the sci-fi convention you're looking for" was uttered at least once.) Luckily, no lightsabers or sonic screwdrivers were drawn: it was just a bunch of nerds yelling nerd stuff at each other until the police came.

"It's a bit sad and pathetic," Mr. Poole told the BBC. Bonus points for self-awareness, we suppose.

This would never happen at a brony con.

JackThreads Gets an iPads App

SoundCloud Drifts to NY The orange-and-white audio platform announced the opening of offices in New York this week, declaring that they find the city "similar to Berlin" in that it’s "not trying to replicate what’s going on in The Valley." SoundCloud has also taken on Dan Gerber, the former National Director of Strategic Partnerships at Pandora, in order to look after brand revenues following his work at The Grammys. No word if he’ll organize Taylor Swift-style digs at rivals Spotify and Songza.

Aereo Reveals New Pricing Structure Controversial live TV streaming company Aereo unveiled a new payment plan for customers that allows access to most features for as little as $8 an hour. The purveyors of tiny antennas said the pricing plan "requires no long-term commitment and eliminates the previous annual and day plans," referring to it as "streamlined." The move is accompanied by a commitment to offer full service amenities free for the first month commencing May 15. Aereo's CEO stated that, "We looked at our data and it was clear, consumers want a more simple approach to pricing," mentioning nothing about undercutting the network giants they’ve so angered.

SideTour Adds BlackJack Wiz Experience maestros SideTour let slip that one of their own employees, a veteran card counter and Blackjack player, has started offering tours of his own. The staff member, Brian Cotlove, "spent six years making a career playing blackjack in casinos around the world." Perhaps a trip to Atlantic City is in order for the SideTour team?

BitPay Expands The BitCoin world’s PayPal has grown with the inclusion of Bitcoin core-developer Jeff Garzik and CFO Bryan Krohn. As BitCoin prepares to be used in up to 50,000 stores, the payment site says that Mr. Garzik’s new position will "allow him to work full-time on Bitcoin, BitPay, and related open-source projects to benefit the Bitcoin community."

Fiverr Hires Former Cuban Council Co-Founder Following the buzz around Google’s acquisition of legendary design firm Cuban Council, it can now be revealed that co-founder Michael Schmidt has made the move to Fiverr, the online services marketplace. Schmidt, who was responsible for Evernote, Bad Religion and the Rdio app, amongst other things, will now be their new front end architect, building and managing the Fiverr design team.

Pheed Launches Android App Feisty young social media upstart Pheed, used by the likes of Miley Cyrus, continues to vie for the big leagues with the launch of an Android app. The site, which is essentially a mashup of every other social media, believes it will "double in size over the next couple of months due to the new Android market," according to CEO O.D. Kobo.

Mr. Karpeles (Photo: Twitter)

Yesterday the Department of Homeland Security shut down Bitcoin trading platform Mt. Gox's ability to accept or send transfers using Dwolla, a mobile payment service. A representative from Dwolla told Betabeat that the DHS had sent them a "seizure warrant" for the account, but declined to provide further detail. Now, in the warrant, obtained by Ars Technica, the reason for the seizure has been revealed: DHS believes Mt. Gox is operating an "unlicensed money transmitting business."

In the warrant, a special agent for Homeland Security Investigations states that he has reason to believe Mt. Gox is breaking 18 U.S.C. section 1960, a crime punishable by up to 5 years in jail. The law reads:

(a) Whoever knowingly conducts, controls, manages, supervises, directs, or owns all or part of an unlicensed money transmitting business, shall be fined in accordance with this title or imprisoned not more than 5 years, or both.
(b) As used in this section—
(1) the term “unlicensed money transmitting business” means a money transmitting business which affects interstate or foreign commerce in any manner or degree...

According to the warrant, DHS used an undercover informant who bought Bitcoins using Dwolla and then had them converted to dollars. Explains Ars:

Tracing that money, HSI was able to see that the money passed through a Wells Fargo account, number 7657841313, which was created by a single authorized signer: Mark Karpeles, the president and CEO of Mt. Gox.

Because Mr. Karpeles did not register Mt. Gox as a money transferring business when he opened the Wells Fargo account, the DHS says they have the right to seize the funds in Mt. Gox's Dwolla account, which is comprised of "Mt. Gox customers that withdraw said funds from Mt. Gox and direct their transfer to Dwolla."

You can read the full warrant here.

(Photo: Heated Forest)

It's simply a part of life: sometimes, when you emerge from the depths of the Internet to refill your Star Trek mug with Stumptown coffee, you accidentally encounter a real live girl. You know, that genre of human being that has boobs and always keeps a copy of Lean In on her desk. Your heart might skip a few beats as you're forced to pass by her, dreading having to interact with someone outside of your favorite IRC channel. A wave of relief hits you as she keeps her eyes glued to the floor and doesn't acknowledge you: you're safe. For now.

Luckily, if you are a grown ass man and women still terrify you, there is a community you can turn to voice your concerns. Hacker News, which is like Reddit but somehow worse, has your back. In a thread called Hugs vs. Handshakes, HN commenters swarmed to discuss a post by Contently CCO Shane Snow about whether or not to hug or shake the hand of ladies in the workplace.

Mr. Snow, a "married dude," is still unsure how to act around lady people:

But with females, I feel like I’m trapped between two walls of a deep-space garbage compactor. On the first meeting, we shake hands. Easy. But the next time we cross paths? Is a handshake now too formal (especially if we got along well in the first meeting)? Will a hug be awkward? What if the answer to both is “yes”?!

Hacker News commenters can totally relate. The problem with shaking hands, of course, is that you might fracture our brittle bones with your manly monster shake. But the problem with hugging is that you might accidentally touch our delicate lady areas. What's a dude to do?

One commenter wants you to define hugs:

"Are the hugs being discussed in this thread actual hugs? Or going in close as though to kiss on the cheek, but not actually touching cheeks? Or more like the way male athletes embrace each other?"

Another can barely contain his longing:

"My general rule of thumb is – if I'm comfortable with the person and she's a woman, it's a hug. If I'm not comfortable, it's a handshake and a small inner sigh at the inadequacy of it."

Yet another thinks you should get more creative:

What's wrong with just saying "hi"? Or a friendly fist-bump if you want to do something more fun?

Such a tough decision! To treat women like human beings or to run away terrified from them because they might give you cooties? You might want to refer to this WikiHow on How to Hug a Girl, just to be safe. Good luck out there.

(Photo: The Webutante Ball)

The Webutante Ball, Internet Week's "nerd prom" that people attend because they feel they have to, is swiftly approaching. Held at Marquee on May 23rd, the event attracts startup glitterati, media titans and various riffraff from The Scratcher.

Here are the nominees for this year's king and queen:

Webutante Ball Queen Nominees

Callie Schweitzer, Director of Marketing and Communications at Vox Media
Maura Johnston, Founder of Maura Magazine
Sarah Austin, Star of Bravo's Start-Ups: Silicon Valley
Jenna Wortham, Technology Reporter of The New York Times
Rachel Sklar Co-Founder of The Li.st

Webutante Ball King Nominees

Michael Martin, Editor-in-Chief of Time Out New York
Josh Gondleman, Co-Creator of Twitter's Modern Seinfeld
Ben Hindman, Co-Founder of SplashThat
Omri Mor & Colin Hodge, Co-Founders of Bang With Friends
Jeremy Fisher, Co-Creator of Days App

You may have noticed that the previously anonymous cofounders of Bang With Friends are on the list. It seems they've doxxed themselves in the hopes of being crowned Kings of the Internet. Omri Mor is the CEO and Founder of ZIIBRA, a crowdfunding site for artists. Colin Hodge is the founder of How About You, which appears to be in stealth but boasts the tagline "It's like LinkedIn... for lovin'."

(We've reached out for comment and will update if we hear back.)

You can vote for the Queen here and the King here. Meanwhile, Betabeat columnist Gary Sharma has a ticket discount: $15 off if you use the code Gary15.