the robots are coming

Man Seriously Suspects Political Opponent Has Been Executed, Replaced by Robot Body Double

He sounds like a great candidate for government office.
Mr. Murray. (timothyraymurray.com)

Mr. Murray. (timothyraymurray.com)

There’s a polite way and a not-so-polite way to lose a government election. The polite way is to congratulate your opponent and bow out gracefully. The not-so-polite way is to accuse your opponent of being a robot.

The latter is happening in Oklahoma right now, where Timothy Ray Murray, a wannabe member of the U.S. House of Representatives, is contesting recent election results on the grounds that his opponent, incumbent Frank Lucas, was secretly executed in Ukraine and replaced by a robot body double. Mr. Murray, who lost the election with a measly 5.2 percent of votes, seems to think his revelations could give him another shot at the title.

The disgruntled Mr. Murray published a press release detailing his suspicions on his website, which looks like it was proooobably created using Microsoft Paint, tbh. Here’s an excerpt from the extremely condemning document. Brace yourselves:

“The election for U.S. House for Oklahoma’s 3rd District will be contested by the Candidate, Timothy Ray Murray. I will be stating that his votes are switched with Rep. Lucas votes, because it is widely known Rep. Frank D. Lucas is no longer alive and has been displayed by a look alike. Rep. Lucas’ look alike was depicted as sentenced on a white stage in southern Ukraine on or about Jan. 11, 2011. [Ed. note: SRY, WHAT?!?!]

“This is a situation similar to the Senators’ from Kentucky situation in the 2012 election. I am contesting that this matter has happen since his election was blocked, because of the U.S. Defense Department’s use of Mr. Murray’s DNA. To my knowledge, the U.S. Defense Department has not released to the public that information, as it is their confidential information about many people. Congress is likely wanting me to state that all my DNA used will not result in benefits to people I have never had relations with of a family nature. I have been bound to protect that information unless it causes harm to The People.

“The contest of election and or petition will be correctly filed with county election boards and with federal offices. I, Hon. Mr. Timothy Ray Murray, fully meet all Constitutional, Federal and Oklahoma requirements for election and for holding Office if the voters’ results show that is the case.

Mr. Murray sounds like a truly fabulous candidate to help run this country.

Mr. Lucas — who said he’s never even been to Ukraine — told KFOR he was shocked to read Mr. Murray’s allegations. But then again, that’s exactly what you’d expect a robot body double to say, isn’t it?

And even if he is, in fact, a robot, why discriminate? Robots and humans are doing the same jobs these days, anyway.

Follow Jordyn Taylor on Twitter or via RSS. jtaylor@observer.com