shut up and drive

Social Experiment Makes Bad Parkers Pay Up to Save Their Souls

“Arm yourself against these Masters of Inconsideration”
"I couldn't park like that if I was intoxicated, in labor, with a swarm of killer bees stinging my eyeballs," it says. (photo via Crooked Souls)

“I couldn’t park like that if I was intoxicated, in labor, with a swarm of killer bees stinging my eyeballs,” it says. (photo via Crooked Souls)

A new site called Crooked Souls is posing a profound existential question regarding people who take up two parking spaces.

“We know they suck at parking,” the site says. “The real question: do they have souls?”

In order to find out, the site provides “soul citations” that you can print out for the windshields of offending vehicles.

“Your lack of consideration for the rest of us makes me wonder if you even have a soul,” the citations say. “However, my inconsiderate friend, all hope is not lost.” The citation then directs the offenders to the website, where they can pay two bucks for forgiveness, or five dollars for a ticket to heaven.

For the extra-repentant, there’s a $25 “Premium Soul” package that includes all of the above, plus instant sainthood, a high five at the pearly gates and a pet tiger named “Rick” in the afterlife.

The project was started by two advertising students from Brigham Young University, where parking is scarce and long walks are common. They realized pretty easily that people who take up multiple spaces inspire a special kind of rage, and decided to harness that energy for good.

“Slashing tires and leaving jerky notes just validates your anger,” a cofounder, who asked not to be named for privacy reasons, told Betabeat. “We wanted people to get a kick from doing something positive.”

All donations go straight to CharityVision, which helps restore sight to those affected by cataracts — the idea being that they’re curing the world of its blindness. At time of writing, they’ve raised $125 dollars.

“If we’re able to raise five thousand dollars for charity, it proves they have souls.” said the cofounder, “If not things, are as we expected.”

If they start receiving enormous amounts of donations, they’ll keep passing along the money to CharityVision, but won’t adjust the $5000 benchmark at which we know bad parkers have souls.

Follow Jack Smith IV on Twitter or via RSS. jsmith@observer.com