Letter From San Francisco

Homes for Nerds

Finding a spot to crash in San Francisco
It's hard to find a place to live. (commons.wikimedia.org)

It’s hard to find a place to live. (commons.wikimedia.org)

Every day, planeloads of bright eyed techies descend on San Francisco with a disrupted glint in their eyes. All have one thing in common: they need a place to crash. Although much has been made of the housing crisis in this town, turns out it just takes an open mind to find affordable housing options while pursuing your startup dreams. Here’s just a few prime examples of solid living spaces in San Francisco:

Here’s the story, of a man (probably not) named Brady, who was busy with three nerds of his own. They were four men, living all together. Yet they were all alone.

Be real. You’re basically a glorified transient. Pay your eponymous tax and live in an SRO to build cred for your moving ramen-to-riches story. They’ll eat it up at your Y-C interview.

As an entrepreneur, your ultimate goal is to eventually get screwed by an older gentleman in Silicon Valley. But why wait for that predatory term sheet? Save a bunch on rent and get fucked by a mature, discreet gentleman in Silicon Valley today.

Maybe you’re a straight guy who just wants to “watch a ball game on TV, while getting your knob polished??” You may want to live in this prime SF location. You may also want to read the fine print.

Breakfast in bed? Yes, please. But only if it’s 3D printed by your 17-year-old Scandinavian bunk mate.

Are you “a performer with an interest in surrealism, surreal cinema, industrial culture, robots, cabaret, avant-garde electronic music, and progressive social vision?” You better be if you want to make it in this town, mon nerd. Also: you can live with these guys in Soma.

It’s the stuff of startup dreams: Treasure. Bright Russians. Islands. Sergey and Larry? You never know.

Got a tape measure? Take it out. Are you less than 67 x 37 inches?  Stretch out in style in sunny Mission Terrace.

One of the few women in tech? you’re in luck.. but oh, yeah, can you rub these weary engineer shoulders as I code me up some panty-dropping algorithms? Oh and please fetch me an Iced Pomegranate Yerba Mate.

Another last one just for the ladies, but a smidgen less creepy. One thing: please be ready to puke while having your delicate tresses held for you by your new cool older sister.

Happy hunting!

Fernando Cwilich Gil is a South American painter and writer on sabbatical in San Francisco.